How to tell fiance I\'m considering keeping my name?

posted 2 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 2
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

“FI, I’ve thought about it, and it’s really important to me to keep my last name.” 

That might sound overly simple, but that really is all you have to do. It’s considerate to think of his feelings, but IMO it’s 100% your choice, because it’s your name. I’m sort of keeping mine (double barreling), and when I made that choice, I just told my Fiance matter-of-factly. 

Post # 3
5979 posts
Bee Keeper

bretagne422 :  THIS

Agree it’s entirely your choice, but giving your Fiance a head’s up about this sooner rather than later is better. 

Post # 4
7866 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

agree with pp – just tell him directly! The longer you wait, the more you’ll stress about it, when in reality the convo will probably go very smoothly. If your Fiance is forward thinking/liberal then he will probably respect your choice no matter what. 

Post # 5
904 posts
Busy bee

I agree just tell him. If you are ok with having a different last name then your children then that should take care of the whole legacy part.

Outside of your name, I’m sure there are other ways you can appreciate your fmaily and culture. Through music, food, language and clothes. And make sure your children are able to celebrate it as well. 

Post # 6
4847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

starr0531 :  There will be many such times in the years ahead!!!  🙂  Sit down with him and tell him what you told us – that you remember you mentioned it before, and at that time were considering taking his last name, but on further reflection, you would prefer to keep your own name (list reasons).  Then be open to listen to his thoughts.  The decision, however, is yours to make.  

Post # 7
1671 posts
Bumble bee

My fiance also cares about legacy, but to him it means making sure stories are passed down. He was fine with me keeping my name since it is my decision after all. 

Post # 8
630 posts
Busy bee

Honestly you don’t owe him any apology or explanation.  

Post # 9
3853 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Agree – just tell him straight. ‘I’ve decided to keep my name as it’s very important to me’. If you come at it defensively or apologetically it makes it seem like you think you are doing something wrong which are certainly not. 

Post # 10
1234 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Just tell him what you explained to us. Originally my Fiance wanted me to change my name but after thinking about it I came to the same decision as you and said simply, “I think I’d like to keep my name,” and talked about my reasoning and now he’s totally cool with it.

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