(Closed) How to tell FI’s family to quit hurting my feelings?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Nobody was going to pay for our traditional wedding, but we still heard *all* the comments. We’re eloping now…

Anyway – don’t tell them anything! And when they do offer suggestions, smile sweetly and say, “what a great idea!” People will always be offering suggestions – or demands – and you merely need to acknowledge that they were received by your ears. Or “Hm, that’s so interesting! Did you do that at your own wedding?” Getting people to talk about their own weddings usually works wonders.

Post # 4
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Just do what I do! Listen, agree with the validity of their suggestions (without making any promises of course), and then do what you want anyway!

Seriously, who is contacting the vendors, who is writing the checks, who is the freakin’ bride? YOU! Everyone knows it and will do what YOU ask because it’s your wedding, and you’re the one paying them. Let his parents snicker amongst themselves on the wedding day when things aren’t as they imagined. It won’t be a big deal at all I promise.

And if they want to make it one, there isn’t going to be a single person at your wedding who is going to agree that his parents should have had their way instead of you having yours. After that, there will be a honeymoon, and it will be a moot point if they even think of bringing it up again, which I REALLY doubt they would.

Post # 5
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s so tough to deal with someone saying mean things and not offering to help, just telling you what to do.

I’d follow the advice offered to try to let it slide. Your plans sound great and I’m sure everyone will have a great time and enjoy all the effort you’re putting into your wedding. When they ask if it’s really what you want to do, pull your Fiance into it and say, yes, we’ve thought about this and this is what we’re going to do. Then when they see how wonderfully things turned out, maybe you’ll have “proven” yourself and won’t have to deal with their negativity in the future.

Post # 6
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Haha I deal with that all the time with my own family!

It helps to just smile and be like, well that’s nice, we might consider that.

If they have the courage to ever ask about it again, just say you went another direction and it’s a done deal now–so you’d like to focus on something else.

I know it’s hard, but eventually they’ll shut up. or do like the PP did and ask about their weddings at that point!

Post # 7
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I am sorry you have to put up with this.  I am wondering something though – how do they find out all of these details?  Are you telling them each time you make a decision?  I am fortunate to have really nice future in-laws and I tell them every once in a while when we (or I) make a decision but really, they hardly know anything at all about the wedding unless I tell them.  We decided the date about 2 weeks after we got engaged back in May and FI’s parents didn’t know the date until about 7 weeks later because I was home in the US and wasn’t here to tell them!

Just keep things to yourself and if that’s not possible, I think the ideas above are great – smile and nod or change the subject to most people’s favorite topic – themselves!  :0)

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My fiance’s family does kinda the same thing, and I’ve quit bringing it up.  When they do bring up ideas (like, my Future Mother-In-Law wanting me to try on a heinous dress and then pouting when I won’t), I just smile and nod and then do what I please!  Thankfully FH backs me up, I don’t think it would work out quite so well if he didn’t!  I just keep reminding myself that it isn’t their wedding, they’ve already had their shot at their own wedding.

Hang in there and trust your gut!

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