(Closed) How to tell friend Mom & Sis want to plan my parties…

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband had his bachelor party at Dave and Busters. They had a blast =].

Can’t you just tell your friend, “well actually my mom really wants to plan it…..will you help her out?” then she can like, bring stuff. Family trumps friends when it comes to this sort of stuff. She’ll have to undrstand your mom and sister REALLY wanna do it. Just play it like “i’m sorry, i didn’t know they wanted to do this, but now that I know, I have to let you know this….” which is awkwardly phrased. But you know what I mean.

Post # 4
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ditto ejs. Just let her know that they’re really excited and could really use her help. Go from there.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well i just mean that if your mom and sister want to throw you the party, the bridesmaid needs to back down…because it’s, in my opinion, the mom/sister’s right to claim dibs basically. Especially since your bridesmaid isn’t exactly respecting your wishes. The Maid/Matron of Honor does often host it (in my case, she hosted WITH my mom) but my mom REALLY wanted to do it so I made sure it was dually done. But your Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t even listening to your wishes….

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think family definitely trumps friends in this. I don’t think your friend will be mad if you just tell her mom/sis are insisting on it and have started planning already. Just ask them to let her help if she wants. 

Post # 9
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Etiquette-wise, your mother and sister shouldn’t be throwing your shower.  It should be someone who’s not related to you, so it doesn’t look like your family is asking for gifts. 

But, if it’s important to your mom and sister, I think it’s fine.  I personally would never be offended that someone’s mom was throwing their shower.

Post # 10
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Why not have two showers? Your friend could throw a themed shower, like stock-the-bar or “board game night” or something that’s inexpensive but fun.

Post # 12
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Though I know about the shower/gift/no relatives rule I think the bachelorette party is the one that your mom shouldn’t throw but the shower is okay.  I feel like the bachelorette party is supposed to be about your friends and your FI’s friends if you are doing a joint one but if your friends either don’t want to throw you one or aren’t willing to throw the one you want you shouldn’t have one.  I’d also be against having the same people throw two parties – more or less identical in guest list and purpose.  It just seems a little strange to me.  So I would have your mom and sister plan one party and let your friend plan the other.  It is perfectly fine to give guidelines and say what you aren’t comfortable with.  Just IMO. 

Post # 13
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Ok, if you don’t have a lot of people to invite i’d let it go then. Stock the bar is where everyone brings a bottle of liquor for the new couple’s “bar”, or barware.

What if you and her just did something special? That might be all she’s really looking for!

Post # 15
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I know etiquette generally says relatives shouldn’t host, but I think that rule is definitely bendable in this situation since your mom and sister actually know what sort of party you want and your friend is probably going to throw you a super generic “last night of freedom” party. Well, etiquette also says that you can’t invite the same people to two different parties like that because it seems like you’re gift-grabbing and honestly it seems really blatant that you’re just looking for gifts if you do that sort of thing, at least to me it does. I think you should do what you’re comfortable with and either e-mail or call her and just mention that your mom and sister surprised you by telling you they’d already planned one and have reservations (even if they don’t) and that they’re not refundable deposits.

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