Post # 1
I posted this looong ass vent earlier, in “recaps” by mistake
How do you tell someone they arent a MOH? vent 🙁 and long, sorry
For you bees who had a friend who thought they were the Maid/Matron of Honor but just the Bridesmaid or Best Man, how did you tell them?
And how did you tell you friends they weren’t a BM?
My friend has been friends with me for 20 years, but she has NOT been a good friend lately, and I am at my wits end. I have friends who have been there for me 100% who I need to support from, those girls will be my BMs.
I dont know how to say it without coming off mean, or snotty. :/
Post # 3
Honestly, I wouldn’t say anything unless they ask. I think it’s rude to point out that they aren’t invited to be a Bridal Party member. If they do ask, just say you wanted to keep it small or that you wanted family only.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’d wait until you have the ring, and have set the date before you worry about this. You don’t have to ask your bridal party right away- things could change in your friendship with her that would take care of this for you.
Post # 5
@RunsWithBears: This is what I thought too.
It would be mean-spirited to pull her aside to just tell her “you are not a Bridesmaid.” In reality, the only communications regarding Bridesmaid or Best Man status you need to have are with the girls that you are formally asking to stand beside you on the big day! She’ll figure it out on her own and if she is a polite and well-mannered woman, she will have the good sense not to bring it up or make you feel bad as a result of it! If she point-blank asks you, you do not have to illustrate your choice by telling her what’s she’s failed to do, but rather you simply say you are keeping the wedding small (or an excuse similar). 🙂
Post # 6
Oh no no no, I would not go up and tell her. I just need to be prepared for a response when she does ask me. Because the minute I have the “actual” engagement ring on my finger, I know who the BMs will be, and the Maid/Matron of Honor will be. And I know she will find out soon enough, via a few mutual friends here or there, our parents are friends, etc. I wont post anything on FB or anything like that just to help put water on the fire, but you can only do so much when six other girls are talking about it one time or another. I know I will get a phone call, text or email as fast as she can blink drilling me for info and questions. I dont know how to “let her down easy” for lack of better words, you cant ignore someone!
Post # 7
@RunsWithBears: yes, this. People need to be told that they ARE in the wedding party, not that they aren’t. Assuming that they are in the wedding party is their mistake, not yours.
Post # 8
I would never tell someone they arent without them saying something first. I just need to know what to say when approached.
Post # 9
Maybe you could tell her that it was hard decision. (It must have been if you are feeling this way now about not including her in the Bridal Party.) There were so many ladies you could ask to stand next to you and there were even more ladies besides her that you couldnt ask either. Then let her know that is special to you and that you couldn’t imagine getting married without her witnessing. Is that too much info to tell her? Personally, I think that the added “others you couldnt ask” may help if someone explained this to me. Or if someone said they only used family as to not have hurt feelings that may help as well.