how to tell grooms mom that she can't come to our planned elopement

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 16
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

saratiara2 :  your comment made this even sadder and I was already on the MILs side! Empathy is a powerful thing! 

Post # 17
6540 posts
Bee Keeper

Unless your Future Mother-In-Law is guilty of some horrible abuse both or none, Bee. Both or none. 

Post # 18
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Sorry bee, but you’re being super shitty. I’m sure she is jealous that your mother gets to be such a large part of your wedding day while she has been completely excluded. It’s pretty cruel actually. 

Post # 19
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

I thought the point of an elopement was you didn’t have family or friends present?

Post # 20
13584 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s super rude to have one mom there and not the other.  Honestly, I think your Future Mother-In-Law has every right to be upset with you.  This could have huge ramifciations on your future relationship with her.  Elevating your mother to a higher status (which you are doing by allowing her to be at the wedding and not his mother) and directly telling his mother she isn’t invited is incredibly hurtful, rude, and classless. 

Post # 21
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Unless you have a very, very good reason, what you are doing is inexcusable. But you know that. PS You aren’t eloping. 

Post # 23
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Sorry but it’s wrong to have your mom there and not his..

Post # 24
1081 posts
Bumble bee

Erinandcookie :  Unless your future Mother-In-Law is a horrible abusive person, I feel bad for her.

Call it an elopement if you will, but it’s actually a private ceremony that your mother is invited to, and your future Mother-In-Law has been deliberately excluded from. She’s probably really, really hurt.

How does your Fiance feel about this?

Post # 25
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I agree that it’s both moms or neither. Reality is you could have eloped somewhere else that way no moms were invited. But to invite yours and not his mom is very hurtful and intentional

Post # 27
410 posts
Helper bee

Why do you not want her there? is there a backstory for why you’re trying to avoid her being present? it seems unfair to have your mom there and not her unless she’s done something horrible to warrant being left out. 

Post # 28
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 1984

Erinandcookie :  Sorry but I do think you should give his mother the option of attending if she can or uninvite your mother. His mom can be present just as your mother will be and leave immediately just as your mother will.

ETA – your update doesn’t make it better – you’re just repeating your original post.

Post # 29
1499 posts
Bumble bee

Erinandcookie :  Both moms or none.  Change your location and photographer.  You’re coming across as horribly petty by keeping your FI’s mother from being there while your mom is fine.

Some things are hard to forgive and I don’t know if this exclusion is one or not, but I wouldn’t blame her if she hated you for your decisions.

Post # 30
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Erinandcookie :  I don’t think moms are exactly guests. 

Of course your mom respects your wishes, she will be there.

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