how to tell grooms mom that she can't come to our planned elopement

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 76
Member
11780 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Erinandcookie :  And would it really be asking too much to give the mothers more than five minutes of your time? 

Post # 77
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I give this marriage 5-7 years tops.

Post # 78
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

For the OP;

I’m genuinely curious if you actually see the point that so many people are making?

Or no? 

Or don’t care?

Post # 79
Member
2694 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

As a mother to a son, I’d move mountains to be with him.

id also hate for life the woman who excluded me from his wedding. I’d prob try to sabotage that marriage because my boy deserves so much better than a woman who isolated him from his family. If it was the other way round we’d be calling the man emotionally abusive for driving a wedge between the woman and her family.

 

Post # 80
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee

So… what about the fathers in all this, then? I assume you’re both not test-tube babies of some kind? If you have the mothers there, don’t you think the fathers are going to feel a little left out?

And then siblings…? Maybe this is why you decided for an elopement to begin with. But you opened the floodgates when you invited ONE relative. 

Also, having been an educator for many years–and reading the atrocity that is your writing, critical thinking, and reading comprehension–I am heartily sorry that you have in any way been allowed to raise children. 

Post # 81
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Unless there is an absolute no contact relationship with one of the mums then it’s very unfair and selfish to exclude one but allow the other to come to an intimate elopement. 

Post # 82
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

There is no way you can tell her she can’t come without seeming like a horrible person I’m sorry. How does your fiancé feel about your mum coming but his not? You can have all the excuses as to why your mum is allowed but at the end of the day it’s as simple as your Mum can come but his Mum can’t and it’s just cruel. 

Post # 83
Member
1558 posts
Bumble bee

Is that 6 unanimous pages?!?

 

This whole thing makes me feel incredibly sad for mil. It’s lose lose for her at this point. 

Post # 84
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would be crushed if I were your Future Mother-In-Law. Especially if your mom is going to be there.

Post # 85
Member
565 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know which one of you is worse, you for not wanting his mother to come despite your own mother being there or him for not wanting his own mother to come despite yours being there. 

Big deal your mom  has access to a venue, can’t she unlock the gate, door, cage, whatever and let you on with your elopement without being there. Can’t you get a friend or a member of staff to take photos, be a witness or whatever else needs doing.

I would never dream of excluding my FI’s mother like that and neither would he!

Post # 86
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Maybe she wants one last chance to try to convince her son not to marry this woman who quite possibly might spend the rest of their married life attempting to isolate the son from the rest of the world.  Or maybe she just wants some good nachos.  They have killer nachos in Texas.  Much better than the nachos in Ohio.

Post # 87
Member
2020 posts
Buzzing bee

Well this was a fun Friday morning read!

 

OP– it sounds like you really have no remorse for any actions you and your Fiance are taking that might hurt someone– so why post? Your tone sounds pretty giddy at the thought of excluding your MIL; so I’m unclear what advice you’re actually looking for.

Post # 89
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

fromatoz : ” Your tone sounds pretty giddy at the thought of excluding your Mother-In-Law “

Completely agree, this is one of the things so grossly off-putting about this thread. First of all, OP doesn’t even seem to get that elopement = the couple going off just the two of them, often in secret, to get married. But instead OP has chosen to play Gilmore Girls with her mom and I’m getting the feeling her Fiance amounts to little more than Generic Groom cardboard prop in her plans. And secondly- even worse- as you say she sounds downright disgustingly giddy at the opportunity to stick it to her poor Mother-In-Law…..she’s like that mean girl in elementary school who always had more fun pointedly excluding others from her birthday party than she did actually inviting people. 

Post # 90
Member
9664 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’ll take your mom’s (both, not just one) since you clearly don’t care for them in the slightest beyond what they can offer you.

Post # 91
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

“Groom’s mom”…?

That’s a bit of a bizarre way to refer to your future mother in law.  

I really don’t get why you are so dead set against her coming? Is she telling you to pay for her to travel from Ohio? If not, then just let her come. 

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