(Closed) How to tell guests they do not have a plus one?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
773 posts
Busy bee

It’s totally fine to just call her up and tell her the same thing you told people who asked about bringing a guest.  Just remember, she is the rude one for assuming.  A lot of people make the assumption that a guest is a given.  Do be prepared for her to decide not to come though!

Post # 4
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would call her and explain it to her the way you explained it to your other friends who have asked.

Post # 5
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well first you need to establish whether he or she is married or engaged to this person because the general rule is that married or engaged guests get a plus one. If for whatever reason you still couldn’t accomodate a fiance or spouse, that’s kind of tricky and good luck telling the person no! If it is just a boyfriend or girlfriend, then whatever – you just have to basically say what you said above: you don’t have room for plus ones. I’d maybe go with something along the lines of our venue has a capacity of X and we can’t go over, we’d love to have both of you but I’m sorry it’s just not possible. Be as nice and apologetic about it as you can, but make it clear that it’s not gonna happen.

Seriously, though, who writes in a name? Especially if, as I’m assuming, you only left space for the one guest on the RSVP card. That’s pretty presumptuous.

Post # 6
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

armybride, I feel for you — this is always so awkward!  I would suggest calling or e-mailing her right away and saying something like:

"Hi Mary, I was really excited to get your RSVP!  I noticed that you added a date to your RSVP card.  I feel really awkward saying this, but I’m afraid we won’t be able to fit in any extra people beyond the ones on the guest list.  I know there are a lot of weddings where guests bring dates, and I wish we could do that!  But unfortunately we’re already pushing our venue maximum, and I’ve already told a bunch of other guests that we won’t be able to accommodate everyone’s dates.  I hope you understand, and I hope you can still come!"

Post # 8
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I would probably e-mail, but I’m kind of a wuss that way — if I talk to someone, I’m so easily manipulated/guilted into giving in!  I find it easier to be nice-but-firm via e-mail.  Also, you’re right that a call puts her on the spot — she might appreciate some time to think/talk to her date. 

Post # 9
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with the other people — just explain it to her the same way you did with your other friends. =)

Post # 10
22 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m going with a classy notecard.  Very straight-forward for those RSVPs.  I didn’t think I was weak when it comes to this stuff, but it’s completely akward! 

Someone came up to me last night and said, “I didn’t get an invite to your wedding, you b****.” (in a playful, but most likely serious tone)  I was like- “Uh, how long has it been since I’ve seen you?”  LOL.  At the trail end, I said “I guess we could get you one.”

She just akwardly stood there until Fiance and I turned away.  WTH!  I decided I’m not going to invite her and I’m going to tell my mom to let her mom know…. That was my first test of the guest list and I’m done.  I’m just going to have to tell people, “We had a limit, sorry.”

He was fuming at this girl… lol, what a way to get invited to a wedding huh? 

Post # 11
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would call her…it shows that you care enough to call and you’ll get an answer about whether or not she still wants to come (right then and thereI know some people who absolutely will not show up anywhere without a date!).

Post # 12
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

bne firm, just say guests are limited to married people due to space


I wrote a note to all my friends included in thte invite and told them upfront my reception was small with only 50 people, so no guests unless someone backed out


I phrased it this way:

Hello, friends. We are limiting our guestlist to only 50 people, so we request all our single friends to not bring guests. Please let us know if you suddenly cannot make it so then guests can bring dates. You are invited to the after party, which is to be announced later in the reception. Love, so and so

Post # 13
374 posts
Helper bee

For others, make sure you tell your friends, before the invitations go out, and as soon as possible in the planning stages…there are no plus ones.

Regarding your situation, is the friend married or engaged?  Then it is rude not to include them.  Everyone sees their relationshp as ‘strong’ ‘steady’ ‘plus one material’ so don’t use words like “are you serious?”

Make a friendly phone call.  Tell your friend outright like the person above said…we are limiting guests to spouses and engaged couples only andyou apologize for the misunderstanding and that you are hoping she’ll be able to attend nonethelss.

Post # 14
34 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

no ring, no bring

Post # 15
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’d totally go with MelissaB’s speech but I’d add in something about how she’ll have friends there and then list the mutual friends that you both have so that she knows she won’t be alone – that way she’s more likely to come rather than cancel. I’m sure she’ll be mortified when she realises what she’s done!

I’ve got a lot of girlfriends from uni who I’m super excited to invite to the wedding but I’ll be inviting them as singles – some have boyfriends but I’m not sure that to them the difference between being married, engaged or just in a long term relationship will be that meaningful! I’m planning on inviting them as singles and then letting them know which of our mutual friends will be there and telling them about how excited I am about hitting up the dancefloor with my girls! Frankly I think some of them will find it a relief that they don’t have to “baby sit” their man or put up with any pre-wedding “but I won’t know anybody” sooking! LOL

Post # 16
1 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

No ring, no bring? What about couples living together?

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