Post # 1
FI’s auntie got ordained online some months ago to marry FI’s mom and her long-term partner when they eloped. Now, Fiance has asked his auntie to marry us as well.
I feel really bad – but I really don’t want her to! I have nothing against FI’s auntie, but she did not do a good job ordaining FI’s mom’s wedding. She cried part of the time, you could barley hear her, her words were not clear and frankly her speech was not good. It was sentimental and cute for them since the wording and performance for the cerimony didn’t matter too much as they had a very small wedding at the court house. However, our ceremony is going to be held in front of 100+ people, and I don’t want it to be unorganized, boring or just plain bad. How do I tell my Fiance i’d rather just have a professional marry us?
Post # 2
How did it play out that he asked her even though you don’t want her to do it? Did you agree to him asking her and now have second thoughts? You will probably just have to explain to him what you did here – it was sentimental and cute but nobody could hear anything and she cried. You’d rather have a professional. Good luck getting Fiance to have he guts to tell her no now, though.
Post # 3
If you’re ready for the commitment of marriage you should feel comfortable to have this conversation with him and tell him your reasons exactly as you told us.
Post # 4
“Sweetheart, I’d prefer not to have your aunt officiate our wedding.”
Post # 5
Did he ask you if that was ok before he asked her? If not, I would have a more serious problem with that. I should know. My husband had a big problem making commitments that affect my life without asking me first. At first I let it slide for the small stuff, then it got out of hand and I started doing this yelling thing that seemed to work pretty well. I only had to yell at him once for him to stop doing it; we had already had several conversations about him ‘asking’ and not ‘telling’ me when he plans to make plans that affect me in one way or another before I yelled. Now he’s much more considerate.
If you already okayed it…there this other thing I do as a last resort called lying. Or, if it makes you feel better, a ‘white lie’. Sit your husband down and let him know how wonderful it was that his Aunt was willing to do the ceremony for you but that your Aunt (or someone else of equal importance in your life) also got ordained online and was going to do the ceremony as your wedding present; and you can then come to the conclusion together that it would be better if all of your family members and friends watch the ceremony as spectators so it’s not awkward and no one gets their feelings hurt. Then have him explain that to his Aunt.
Or you can be boring and tell him the truth (which is technically the best way to handle this if he asked her after you had given your blessing)…but if he did do it without asking you, having him have to talk to his aunt in order to fix this should teach him to consult with you about matters of importance before acting on his impulses.
Post # 6
“I think i would prefer to have your aunt to enjoy the moment with her family from their seats rather than having her do a task. I want her to just enjoy the day!”
Post # 7
Say that it is unbalanced to have someone from your side have such a big role in the ceremony and it will cause jealousy and tension with your family. Pick someone neutral to be fair.
Post # 8
I think karapp :
said it best. I think that’s the safest way to go about it whether he did not discuss this decision or if you already okay-ed it and are now having second thoughts.