Post # 1
One of my best friends has been trying for two years to get pregnant. She has exhausted all options (natural path, chlomid, etc) and is getting ready for the “big guns” as she calls it by having her first IVF treatment by Christmas. She always told me that I would be the first to know if anything was to happen, and that she wouldn’t be waiting any length of time to tell me, because she would want me there if anything went wrong.
She knew that my husband and I came off birth control at the end of July, and I expressed my concern that it would happen quickly for me and that I would immediately make me feel as if life wasn’t fair and that she deserved it more than I did. She said that obviously she would be happy for me but it would upset her as well and that she would more than likely need time to process the news… but that it would more than likely take me awhile to conceive anyway, so there was no point of talking about it now.
Fast forward two weeks later… I find out I’m pregnant.
I am a photographer and photographed a wedding on Saturday in which she was a bridesmaid. by the end of the evening, she came up to me , gave me a hug and said that she got good news…that she more than likely know by Christmas if their IVF treatment worked…. (originally they were going to have to wait until January or a little after to get things started). She said that she was so excited that I was NTNP because she felt like we could probably get pregnant together at this point, which was even more exciting to her.
I am presently 5 weeks, 2 days… still very early. She is coming over this evening… we are going to have a girls evening, maybe go for a drive and go for supper.
I feel ilke I lied to her the other night at the wedding when she brought up us getting pregnant together even though I just smiled and hugged her. I feel like I should maybe tell her this evening since she would tell me right away. I’m just not sure what to do and so scared of her reaction. WWYD in my shoes ?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Mrs.H2B: Unless there’s a chance she will find out from someone else, wait until 12 weeks and then give her a phone call to break the news. Do it by phone (try to do it when you know her husband will be home too) and let her get off the phone quickly so she can grieve if she needs to. She will probably be upset because it happened so fast for you while it’s not working out for her.
I would keep the call short and sweet, “Hey friend, I just wanted to share some news. Husband and I are pregnant and I am due on EDD. I wanted you to hear it from me first.”
Post # 4
If it were me, I’d tell her. But I can’t lie well AT ALL. I would hate for more time to pass and her find out when you are much farther along. Especially since you said she would tell you right away. It’ll be difficult no matter what since it’s so sensitive. I would just be as delicate as possible.
Post # 5
@Mrs.H2B: Put her fertility issues aside and the fact that she said she would tell you immediately- would you tell her you were pregnant before 12 weeks? If you arent telling anyone but immediate family before 12 weeks – I wouldnt tell her…unless of course she asked you straight out.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Post # 6
She said she would tell you but would you tell her? Or are you and DH waiting until 12 weeks? If she straight up asks you then I’d tell her yes and let the chips fall where they may. Congrats on your pregnancy!
Post # 7
Honestly, I would give her a heads up, call her or even text her and let her know… say it’s really early, but I wanted you to know (like she would do for you). Let her process it and grieve and let her come to you when she’s ready. Congratulations on your pregnancy though!
Post # 8
I think I would tell her. But I think you should do it not face to face… I think she may have a hard time coping and will not want to show you she is sad but in reality probably will have some hard feelings. She even told you she would, she clearly is under the impression yo uwouldn’t get pregnant right away :/
Its a tricky situation, but I could see her later being hurt you hadn’t told her right away, when she mentioned she would tell you right away.
Post # 9
if you would have told her anyway at this time, i think you should tell her in person.
you can laugh and cry together.
Post # 10
We told family at 7-8 weeks, so I would wait to tell her after your family knows, before you start telling friends.
Post # 11
@Mrs.H2B: I would tell her whenever you feel comfortable doing so. You weren’t lying to her the other night – it wasn’t really the time or place to break the news. If you want to tell her tonight, great. If you want to wait until you’re further along, that’s fine too. If she’s a true friend, she will be happy for you and while she may hurt inside, she will eventually get over it.
Post # 12
you are super early, I would wait until you get the OK from your OB.
Post # 13
@BrandNewBride: thanks! We have actually already told our family. We did this because I knew I would want them to know if anything was to go wrong. (parents and siblings…not extended family)
Post # 14
@Mrs.H2B: Don’t feel like you lied to her. If it were me, I’d wait until 12 weeks to tell her, but that is what I am doing with my friend. When it comes to that time, I am calling her to tell her.
I wish you good luck in whatever you do. Don’t feel pressured to tell her if you don’t want to. And congrats!
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
Even though she’ll need time to process the information, I would tell her. She’ll be excited for you, even if it takes a little bit of time. If I were in her shoes, I think I’d be more upset if you waited to tell me. (I’m reading this as you’re best friends, share everything and if she weren’t having issues, you’d definitely tell her.) I told my best friend pretty much immediately after telling my husband. She’s more my sister than anything.
Post # 16
I would tell her as soon as you can but not in person. Here’s an article that a member from Hellobee posted a while ago: http://www.hellobee.com/2013/05/24/how-to-tell-your-infertile-friend-that-youre-pregnant/.
Telling your friend over the phone gives her a chance to express that she is happy for you but sad for herself. I think it would be so much harder for her if you told her in person as she would have to spend the rest of the night with you trying to show you how happy she is for you when she may be hurting very badly inside.