(Closed) How to tell my dad I'm engaged…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3775 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I would definitely wait and do it in person.  If this is going to be hard for him, give him the benefit of doing it gently and in person.  Best of luch and congratulations on finding the love of your life!

Post # 4
Member
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Why doest your so ask for his permission?

I mean… mine didnt and we eloped, because my dad despite of me being responsible,etc. Kept thinking i was a stupid child, lol. Now he finelly sees me as a woman and not a girl.

Maybe you can just casually ask how would he feel if you got married “eventually”, and depending on his reaction, your SO could ask him for your hand in a couple of weeks.

I hope this helps 🙂

Post # 5
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d definitely wait until you can financially support yourself! I just feel like relying on your parents for finances can complicate these matters since they have power of the purse. Good luck.

Post # 7
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would bring it up in conversation.  Just how great the relationship is going and that you can see yourself marrying him and then guage by his response.

Also, agree w/ PP that your SO should ask for your hand in marriage.  I know a lot of men don’t, but I fully expect my Fiance to – he actually asked my dad for permission to date me first, which I thought was really cute.  Especially since he hadn’t met my dad yet and didn’t know he was in for a REAL treat – 3 hours of talking about everything under the sun later, his answer was, “She’s an adult and makes her own decisions, I can’t give you that sort of permission, she has to.” LOL

Post # 8
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ElyseD:  whoops, didn’t see this!  then maybe his “blessing”?

Post # 10
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ElyseD:  Convo goes like this:

You:  Hey, dad how are you?  I missed you, blah blah blah.

Him:  Great, how are things?

You:  Great!  I am SO happy right now in my life.  I feel l ike everything is just falling into place perfectly. blah blah blah something about your life that’s great, then… And things with “BF” are going great, too.  I’ve never been happier, I think he’s “the one” and.. I don’t want to jump the gun because he hasn’t asked me to marry him or anything, but I can’t wait for him to ask so that we can start our lives together.  He’s the best thing to ever happen to me.  He makes me the happiest woman alive.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

How’s that?

Post # 12
Member
4348 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@redheadem:  “relying on your parents for finances can complicate these matters since they have power of the purse.”

This exactly.  I am in the process of freeing myself at the moment but my parents want to keep ahold of the purse strings so much.  I am job-seeking and until such time as I can support myself, they feel responsible for me.  I live with SO who is financially secure, and even though my parents are offering to support me he is adament that he should do it.  We don’t want their control in our lives, and finances is a big part of that.

That said I do think SO should “ask permission”, it’s not really anymore that a heads up to your dad. I am assuming you’d get married regardless of his response.  But it’s respectful and since you worry he won’t approve I think it’s a good idea to “get him on side” and if not, the ce la vie.

Post # 13
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ladyartichoke:  That said I do think SO should “ask permission”, it’s not really anymore that a heads up to your dad. I am assuming you’d get married regardless of his response.

I agree with this!  Honestly, the way your dad sounds about how he’s supporting you financially and it seems like you have a good bond with him, although may not be very open (I’m not that open with my dad either; he’s very old fashioned – like changes the TV when couples are kissing and I’m 27y/o.. I think I know what sex is by now LOL).  I think your dad, if he doesn’t agree at first, will only not agree maybe out of “shock” or maybe surprise is the better word – just that he wouldn’t be expecting it.  I’m sure that as long as you’re happy, he will be happy.  If he doesn’t agree at first, I’m sure showing him how happy and independent you are (or can be) will help him come around.

You have to let us know how the conversation goes, though!!  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ElyseD:  Congrats! Sounds like things are really working out for you. Can’t wait to hear that youa re emgaged!!

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