(Closed) How to tell my dad that mom is walking me down the aisle?

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

You actually don’t owe him any explanation. Given that he has treated you hurtfully and you only see him once a year or so, despite living pretty close by, IMO he has forfeited any right to expect such an honour. I think you’re being generous even having a father-daughter dance with him. 

If you’re pressed for an explanation be very firm, and be short and to the point without being unkind. No need to say anything negative about your father, just say “Mom is the one I’m closest to and has always been there for me.” Period. Don’t let them engage you in a debate about this that is sure to turn ugly. 

Your step-mom sounds like a real peach, she isn’t owed an explanation and it doesn’t sound like she’s ever been much of a step-mother to you either. 

Post # 4
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

 

OP, the truth is very freeing. You are having your mom walk you because you have a great relationship with her. You don’t need to apologize to anyone for that. 

Your step mom sounds more concerned with how this will appear to others than how you actually feel as the daughter of a man who has blown you off. 

With any due respect, and it’s not much, neither your step mom nor your father are owed the honor. The honor belongs to those who put the effort in with their children. 

 

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RobbieAndJuliahaha :  all of this.

Post # 5
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

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breebee324 :  I’m going through almost the exact same thing right now and it’s not easy. 

While my dad has never been intentionally mean or hurtful, he was simply nonexistent for most of my life and took only a very surface interest in me. Though he would often say how much he cared, his actions showed the complete opposite. Like you, we only exchange phone calls on Christmas and occasionally on birthdays. We rarely see each other–maybe once every 3 or 4 years. I knew as soon as I got engaged I wanted my mom to walk me down the aisle.

I think what you said to your step-mom would be just fine to say to your dad, too, if he asks. Just say your mom will be walking you down the aisle. You don’t even have to say why. I’m sure he already knows why, even if he plays dumb. My dad hasn’t asked me about walking down the aisle. I think on some level he knows I won’t want him to. But if he does, that’s exactly what I’ll say–Mom is going to do it. He doesn’t need an explanation. He already knows that my mom raised me and that I’m much closer with her. 

I feel for you though, OP. It’s a lot easier to envision saying it, than to actually say it. Wedding planning can be extra stressful when one doesn’t have the traditional family. 

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