How to tell my friend I can't be a bridesmaid in her international wedding

posted 11 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I’m 100% with jscjsc above. I’m having a destination wedding and totally expect friends not to be able to come due to finances or work obligations. It does not hurt my feelings AT ALL when friends tell me openly and honestly why they can’t come, though they want to. I think it’s touching when they make a point to tell me in person and explain what’s going on. I still love them and there’s no hard feelings!

 

However, there have been a few that have booked other expensive international vacations and then told me they couldn’t afford coming to the wedding. I don’t appreciate the dishonesty. Just tell me you’d rather do something else.

 

I think your friend, if she’s a good friend like you say she is, will be totally understanding. 🙂

Post # 17
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

View original reply
anev :  agree. I am also haveing a destination wedding and this wouldn’t shock me or let me ruin a friendship.If she is your real friend, she will understand. Most likely she already assumes several people won’t be able to make it especially if it’s that far away.

Post # 18
Member
753 posts
Busy bee

Tell her you have coronavirus

Post # 19
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
elisiebear :  It sucks when people spend on other trips/things but then turn around and say they can’t afford your event. I’ve had that happen to me as well. What I’ve learned is that there are things even beyond their control – like that extravagant trip might have been with their family and they couldn’t say no or they weren’t paying for it. Or it could have been a pre-planned vacation with their spouse, while this is something just for you. Or they just don’t find your event worth it. Which is sad, but like you, I’d rather not be lied to. My former best friend was someone who I’m pretty sure made double my salary and had fewer expenses, yet was extremely scrimpy (and also very private, so I had no idea if there were other issues going on). Don’t value people who don’t even try to value you. The situation, of course, is different if you really are not able to, but in that case, you can offer to make it up by doing something else locally with them to show you care. But if all you say is, “sorry, flights are $500, I don’t want to spend that so I’m not coming” and leave it at that (even after you offer to help financially with the cost of the flight), that hurts.

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