- 1 year ago
- Wedding: City, State
So there’s a dilemma I need some advice on.
One of my coworkers, who has turned into being one of my only close friends, invited me to be in her bridal party and attend her wedding which is in another state. The entire bridal party and several other attendees also live in my state so all of us would have to travel there, like a destination wedding. I always suspected my fiance and I would be invited to their wedding but I wasn’t sure I would be in the bridal party until I received her very cute invitation in the mail.
The invitation came at a not so great time—The same day my fiance was driven to the hospital with a cardiac emergency (completely unexpected as we are healthy 25 year olds). He was in the ER all day and had several procedures and was even cardioverted (shocked) back into a normal heart rhythm. I received the invitation when I opened my mailbox that same night and texted her with a response that I loved her invite and would be a part of the bridal party. This happened in late Jan, and her wedding is set for late October.
As the past few weeks has gone on I’ve realized I will probably not be able to afford this even with the cheapest travel options. I have acted as if I am purchasing my tickets online, selected a flight with the cheapest airline Allegiant, bundled a cheap hotel, and economy rental car.. It would cost about $800 total for this give or take. Then if I factor in the $100 cost of the bridesmaid dress, the cost of food and gas for the few days I will be there (around $200), and the cost of an inexpensive wedding gift ($50), and the cost of missing work ($200)…This adds up to $1350 minimum. And that’s if I do my own hair and makeup and do not pay for that.
Normally I could afford this but currently this year is a really bad time. I am the only one working right now and am having to pick up over time to cover our bills as my fiance is in school full time. He will be complete this summer. I’m a nurse so I don’t make too much.
We have a high deductible insurance (8k out of pocket) which may or not have coinsurance for that hospital visit …So I am waiting for that bill to come through and luckily have money saved to cover a lot of it but possibly not all of it. my fiance and I are also going on a trip to Italy this May that we have had planned months in advance, saved up for, and have been very excited about……if that wasn’t enough then there’s also the fact that we were wanting to do our own simple elopement with just our parents present this September (which would cost maybe a few thousand).
We will not have enough money to pay another ~$1500 to see my friend get married in another state in Oct. We might not even have enough to do our own elopement this year as simplistic as it will be. I would have to pick up a ton more overtime to swing this which might not even be available.
I feel VERY guilty and I feel like a terrible friend. I already told her yes but I’m thinking I need to talk to her and tell her it’s not affordable right now. Realistically I don’t want to cancel my own trip or elopement to be able to participate in this. I feel very selfish and I truly do want to go and support her but …..ugh.
If I tell her when I see her within the next week or so she will at least have a full 8 months notice that I will not be there. What would you do and how would you go about this discussion? I feel like it will be so awkward and I really never wanted to disappoint her. 🙁