How to tell my friend I can't be in her bridal party or attend…

posted 1 year ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
1753 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you said that very well, just tell your friend what you told us, that  unfortunately you already had a trip booked an it’s nonrefundable with your fiancé. Tell her that you’re currently saving up for your elopement and don’t want to have to postpone that for another year to be able to attend her wedding. Just nicely and kindly tell her that you’re really sad that you can’t afford it and you’d love to be there but you can’t. If she is your friend she will understand. Tell her sooner rather than later.

Post # 4
1859 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would tell her that, when you said yes, you didn’t anticipate how your fiance’s medical emergency would impact your finances.  Tell her that your other financial obligations (already booked trip, your own wedding) combined with the unexpected medical bills, will make it so you have to drop out.  Then I would offer to help with her wedding planning from afar in any way possible that is not financial.

Post # 5
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I’d just tell her you can’t afford it. I wouldn’t go into detail about every reason why, it’s generally better to tell someone more simply than providing tons of details. If she’s truly your friend, which I hope she is since she is asking you to travel and spend a ton of money to be in her wedding, she’ll understand. If you can’t afford it or you even just don’t want to blow all that money to attend a wedding, that’s okay, and you don’t need to justify why. 

Post # 7
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I wouldn’t offer to babysit that weekend, it’s a bit weird to assume they would want to leave their young baby in another state over their wedding.

Just tell her you can’t afford it, you don’t need to go into the details. Apologise for being to quick to say yes but you were just excited and now you realise the full extent of the medical bills and you won’t be able to make it work. 

Post # 8
110 posts
Blushing bee

I feel for you! You seem like a great friend and I’m sure she’ll be sad but will understand. If all of the bridesmaids are in the same state, perhaps you could still take part in the bachelorette party? Or if not, maybe you guys can go out in the fall and do a small celebration between the both of you. All the best! 

Post # 9
5028 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think you need to get into all of it (although if you are close friends, I would assume she already knows quite a bit of this).

But your guilt is blowing this up into something bigger than it is or needs to be.  If she’s a good friend, she’ll understand.  She’ll be disappointed, but she’ll understand.

“Friend, I won’t be able to be in or attend your wedding this year.  I was hasty in saying yes because I was just so happy for you and excited to be asked.  But after going through my finances, especially with the unexpected medical bills that have come up the last two months, I just can’t make it happen.  I am so sorry about this.  But if there’s anything I can do to help here before the wedding, I would love to help you out with your wedding.”



Post # 11
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
roguesoul :  You have a great friend bless her heart <3 so happy it all worked out for the both of you! 

Post # 12
9677 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
roguesoul :  +

Oh good I am so glad it worked out well , you  sound so kind and generous,

I was originally going to post to advise you  to stop calling your wedding an ‘elopement’  as it isn’t one,  given your parents  at least will be there. My thinking  was that people may think it really is an elopement  and wonder why you have to plan for it for it or  why it will cost money etc. 

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