(Closed) How To Tell My MOH It Just Isn't Working Out? LONG…

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What Should I DO??
    I think you're being way too hard on her. You already asked her so just stick it out. : (5 votes)
    7 %
    This is your wedding and it sounds like she doesn't care much anyways. Ask your other girlfriend. : (40 votes)
    59 %
    Why not have both girls be your maid of honor? : (12 votes)
    18 %
    Just call the whole darn thing off, you're not ready for a wedding. : (11 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    1478 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    i dont really understand what the problem is here. She not a friend so id just tell her that I thinkk we ought to go our seperate ways as weve obviously grown apart. I personally would throw a snarky comment about her not having to be there to clean up my mess and me having to deal with her mess but I can be a bitch.

    Post # 4
    450 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Kick her butt to the curb hunny. I would flat out tell her ” it wasnt a mess up it was a life lesson”…. because unless she craps glitter she isn’t perfect!!! Appologize to the MO friend and explain the situation. True friends understand. Then move on…. You have good friends with you now, you don’t need the toxic ones.

    Post # 5
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    She is not much of a friend anymore despite how long you have known her. Be blunt with her that you have changed your mind and you are going with someone else.

    Post # 6
    1623 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I’m in the camp that once you ask someone to be in your wedding, then you should live with that decision.  But, I’d also ask Heather and just have two MOH’s.  It sounds like your California friend lives a busy, stressful lifestyle, so I can understand that her main concern isn’t thinking about your wedding.  That’s why you’d have Heather to help with those things and be your support system.  You originally asked California friend for a reason (she’s been a longtime friend), so remember that reasoning.  Although, if you have such negative things to say about her (“jaded, emotionless, heartless robot, parties with plastic barbie dolls, makes no effort with your friendship”), then I’m not really sure why you’re holding onto the friendship?

    Post # 7
    1281 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @lochnessy:  Most of the time, I am definitely in the camp of “You asked her, now you’re stuck with it.” However, I do feel that your newer friend in Missouri deserves this honor and your friend in California seems like she doesn’t even want it.  

    I think that you need to eat crow and talk to your older friend and explain how you two have grown apart and that perhaps you were a bit too quick in chosing roles for the wedding.  I don’t know if I would oust her from the wedding party completely, but explain to her that the woman that you want standing right next to you needs to be a 100% supporter of you and the marriage and.

    Post # 10
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    It sounds as though you aren’t that close anymore, maybe you could aski your local friend to be a Maid/Matron of Honor as well so that you don’t have to wait for the original girl to get her act together. It also sounds like she hasn’t got a great opinion of marriage so she might be a downer on the day.

    On the other hand though, you are a year away, so why would she be working on wedding things at all unless you have asked her specifically to do so? She should be in contact with you more regularly though.

    Post # 11
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    So you two have grown apart. It’s not that her life is terrible and yours is totally together (and vice versa) just different. Truthfully you sound kind of judgy towards her life choices, which would really irritate me if I had seen my friend through some major oops moments in her past. If this judgment is translating in your real life, she might just not see a place for you anymore. And you may not see a place for her anymore. I would say cut your losses and hope to possibly reconnect in the future. 

    Post # 12
    12246 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would ask the Missouri friend! And just stop talking to CA friend. If she doesn’t contact you (and it sounds like she won’t) you no longer have a problem!

    Post # 14
    79 posts
    Worker bee

    I’m not sure why the facts arenyou forcing you to dial her number and tell her where to go! This is supposed to be the a happiest day of your life, you want positive energy around you during your new union not some cynical woman whos already predicting the dismemberment of you’re marriage. go with your state bestie, for mentioned reasons and also you’ll have much easier time orchestrating everything! Good luck! x

    Post # 15
    303 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    You should just tell her that it is not working out with her being so far away.. And ask your state bestie..

    She seems more reasonable as a Maid/Matron of Honor.. She obviously wants to be one, and is your confident..

    It will be way easier to plan with someone who is near you and is willing to help..

    Best of luck!

    Post # 16
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @lochnessy:  Noticed this was five months ago. How did this work out?

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