How to tell my mom her boyfriend isn't invited? (Need advice)

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sunnyday130 :  It’s odd that you say the two of you are close, yet she doesn’t believe you. 

I think you should tell her ahead of time, and then be prepared for her to not come. It’s a shame she’s chosen to believe him over her daughter. But your life will be healthier without him (and possibly her) in it at all. 

Sorry you’re going through this! 

Post # 3
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If it was me, I would send out her invitation with her name only, and then call her a day or two after she’s received it and clarify that she is the only one invited, and that he is not invited nor welcome. If she pitches a fit, I would calmly explain “you can believe whatever you want but I know the truth. He is not invited”. And if she threatens not to come, I’d say okay. Not sure if that’s a concern of yours but don’t let her guilt trip you into inviting the both of them.

But yeah, I’d basically not tell her until invites. Then you have less time to put up with any push back you might get from her.

I’m sorry this is something you have to worry about, bee. It sounds like your fiance and others are extremely supportive – just remember they’re on your side <3

Post # 4
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m so sorry for what you have been through,big hugs. Regarding the issue at hand,well,I gotta be honest and say that I wouldn’t invite either of them. If my own mother did not believe my abuse then I’d be cutting ties period 

Post # 6
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

“my Fiance and I have already mutually agreed to not invite my mothers boyfriend, who is my Fiance’s friend.”

Wait, so your abuser is not just your mom’s bf, he’s also your fiance’s friend? am I understanding this correctly? 

Post # 7
8257 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

tiffanybruiser :  

Hell yes, this slipped my notice until you brought it  up ……………a pretty significant question  !  

Post # 8
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

sunnyday130 :  I’m sorry bee. What a terrible situation. I’m confused  From reading your post it says your fiancé us friends with this guy? Is he still friends or was he a friend until he found out about the abuse you suffered at the hands of this guy?

I’d tell your mum that her boyfriend isn’t invited in person. I’d also be prepared for her not to come. She’s picked her boyfriend over her child before. I wouldn’t be shocked if she did it again. I’m appalled honestly that a mother would not take her child’s word as truth. Your job as a parent is to protect your child from harm and not invite it vibto their life. Are you sure you really want to keep a relationship open with your mother? Is it in your best interests to do so?

Sorry bee xx

Post # 9
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Why is your fiance friends with your abuser?  

Anyway, if she always goes on about your “tone of voice” then don’t tell her verbally.  Personally I would send her an e-mail just prior to sending invitations out, with a read receipt on it so you know she’s read it, stating that her boyfriend will not be invited to your wedding as he abused you for xx years.  If she kicks off about it, which I would expect she will, don’t engage.  Say “I am not discussing this with you,” then walk away, hang up the phone, whatever, but leave the situation.  If she says “I’m not coming unless he’s invited” then say “We will miss you, but the choice is yours,” and don’t engage.  I presume that NOT having him there is more important to you than having her there? Because I am 99% sure that she will say that.

Post # 10
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Why the hell are you okay with your fiancé being friends with this guy? That seems like a bigger deal than the wedding.

If he has abused you and several other people you need to go to the police.

Post # 11
10580 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

anthonyswife :  

Not odd at all.  Tragic, but not odd.  Far, far too many women turn a blind eye to the abuse of their own children to hold onto their “men”.

CPS has reams of case files on this very topic.

Denial is a powerful thing.

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