Post # 1
So at the beginning of the year, my fiance and I started doing a little research into what kind of wedding we wanted. We wanted a small, intimate ceremony with maybe a dinner afterward. His family lives 4 hrs. away and doesn’t travel. My family lives a half hour away and doesn’t travel. Either location we pick, the people we want there won’t be there. And it seems selfish to ask either side to pay for a night in a hotel and travel for a small ceremony and dinner.
Plus after going to a bridal show, we felt like nobody there wanted to deal with such a small wedding. So after a few sleepless nights, I found a perfect bed and breakfast package located in a city we love for just the two of us. I showed it to my fiance and we decided that this would be perfect for us. We could go away, get married and have parties for each of our families.
His family has said they would be fine with this. I haven’t told my family and am a little worried after their reaction to our engagement. I told my best friend that I’d like to go away but she said “I’m not okay with that. I want to be there.” And when we told my mom we were engaged she just said “Oh. Ok.” and started talking about how cute my nephew was. This really upset me and my fiance since we made sure they were the first to know and we wanted to tell them in person together. I thought they’d be much happier since everyone’s been asking when we’re getting married for the last six years.
I don’t want a traditional wedding and if we have to to have one to make them happy we will, but we’ll be miserable. How should I tell them we’d really like to elope with parties afterward?
Post # 3
When you return from your elopement say “We eloped.” I don’t think you’re supposed to tell folks in advance. You don’t need anyone’s approval anyway.
I think it is selfish of your friend to think your wedding should be planned based onwhat she wants. If she is truly your friend, she will be okay with whatever you want for your wedding.
Post # 4
If they won’t travel a half hour to attend your wedding the answer to your question is simple: you don’t! You two should just go ahead and get married without telling them. Invite your best friends to be witnesses if you want, or just go by yourselves. Don’t include anyone who will ultimately rain on your parade or make your wedding about themselves. Good luck!
Post # 5
@hunnysgethitched: They won’t travel a half hour? Really? I have to drive almost that just to go to work. I know the other side still has to travel further, and the elopement still sounds like a great idea. I just wanted to comment on how ludicrous is sounds that they won’t drive a half hour…
Post # 6
An elopement is generally thought of as going off and doing it in secret.
It’s nice that your friend wants to be there, but she’s doing what any good friend would do–tell you she wants to be there! I doubt she’d be seriously offended if it was just the two of you and not her–that woudl pull her into “Single White Female” territory.
Post # 7
“His family lives 4 hrs. away and doesn’t travel. My family lives a half hour away and doesn’t travel.”
Goodness that’s nothing! My family is 1500 miles away and his is 800 miles away. I can see not being travellers then but it’s just a few hours driving!
“And when we told my mom we were engaged she just said “Oh. Ok.” and started talking about how cute my nephew was.”
This sounds just like my mom really! She doesn’t have the capacity to be happy for someone else really. Are you thinking she’ll be upset? Doesn’t sound like it!
Frankly, I think you really don’t have to worry about anyone else. If your friend really wants to be there, maybe she can be one of your witnesses. Otherwise, couldn’t you just go out to dinner with her when you get back for a celebration dinner?
I had one friend that said I’d better invite her to this wedding (I had no guests with my first married either). I thought of her words, but in the end if it’s simpler and less stress to NOT invite anyone then I have to go with that and a good friend would understand.
Elopement ususally means going away secretly without telling anyone. But you don’t have to do it like that. Everyone will know when we are going away.
Post # 8
My family didn’t have a huge reaction when Fiance and I got engaged either, which I found odd at first, but they’re totally fine and supportive now. An engagement could, theoretically, last a long time so I think most ‘outsiders’ (not the engaged couple) start getting more excited closer to the day.
I agree, if no one wants to travel at all for your wedding, then elope and tell them after. It sounds like you both want it this way, it’s your day, good for you! Go for it, send announcements when you return, and if they want you to have a big party…then at least your actual wedding was special for the two of you.