Post # 1
We are having a smaller destination wedding (around 30-40 people). We decided not to have a wedding party which means that my sister and his brother will not be the maid of honor or the best man and my closest friends will not be bridesmaids. I am in several weddings coming up and know that those friends were expecting to be in mine. I don’t want to think that I don’t like them, they WOULD be in mine if I was having a wedding party…but I’m not. I still want them to be involved in wedding type things but also don’t want them to think they HAVE to be involved.
How should I let people know that we’re not having a bridal party? Or will they get the idea when I don’t ask them?
Post # 3
I would mention the subject in any conversation you have with them about the wedding.
“___ and I have chosen to have a very intimate wedding- just the two of us and the officiant. We are not having bridesmaids or groomsmen.”
Post # 4
I think it’s always best to be honest and direct. Lack of communication could turn it into a bigger deal than it is and possibly hurt some feelings.
Post # 5
I would tell them in a causal conversation when talking about the wedding. Word will spread fast to all of your friends (most likely) if you only tell a couple or just your close friends who would of been your bridesmaids if you were having a bridal party.
Either way, I am sure they will understand. You will save lots of money too! And there are definitely big parts that the girls could still participate in…like a reading, or helping you plan something for your wedding.
Post # 6
@Lily_of_the_valley; I did this same thing so hopefully my situation helps!
My fiance and I had been in a total of 15 weddings between the two of us and felt we would need to have a gigantic wedding party to not insult anyone. (And with a wedding of only 90 or so guests, that would just look silly in my opinion). So our way around that was ditching the wedding party. (although we are still having best man and Maid/Matron of Honor for the parts of the ceremony where we need them to hand us stuff).
With my other friends that I wanted to include I asked them to “Be My Something Blue”. I wrote them all a really sweet personalized, heartfelt message explaining the situation and then asking them to be a “blue”. On the back of the card I explained their duties;
– get a blue dress of any shade/any style and wear it the day of the wedding
– take girly pics with me
– dance your butt off
– have a special task the day of the wedding (i.e. help with programs, lol calm my mom down, etc..)
All of them loved the idea (and my fav color is blue so they knew it was special to me). If you’re not a fan of the color you can always somehow switch it up. I’m also getting them each a flower to put in their hair the day of the wedding.
Post # 7
@Lori2026: this is such a cute idea! I think I will definitely do this for my sister but I hope she isn’t disappointed in HAVING to wear blue
Post # 8
Also, has anyone done something like a non-official maid of honor? Where they don’t stand up or have to wear a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress but still are involved…or is that insulting?
Post # 9
People ask, A LOT. My brother had a Destination Wedding wedding and just had a Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man. I was upset at first but I got over it in two seconds. I am just having two MOHs. When people just ask who is in your party you can just say you’re not having one.
I excluded my brothers and his two close cousins. I think his mom is bummed about it, but no one seems to mind. (I did actually ask my brothers if they would mind, though).
Post # 10
For my brothers wedding, his wife gave us all ideas of what we should wear (solid tropical dresses) and she did the same for her Maid/Matron of Honor. Her Maid/Matron of Honor stood with her. My brother asked the guys to all wear tan suits. His best man stood next to him but he didn’t have a party.
Post # 11
@Bubbles42: my sister is the only one who would mind I think…she has said that I “BETTER have her in the wedding!” …..uh oh!
Post # 12
@julies1949: +1 is how we handled our decision. For smaller weddings especially, it makes so much sense not to have one. They will understand 🙂
Post # 13
I’m having a Destination Wedding and if my best friend can make it then I will have her as an unofficial BM/MOH whatever and just ask her to wear a dress that remotely fits with my colour scheme (Why am I even having a colour scheme for such a small wedding?!!!). If it ends up being just me and my man then that’s fine by me! Less to worry about or organise!
Post # 14
Even though you will not have a wedding party you will still need the helping hands of a Maid/Matron of Honor. Asking a girl friend or two to help you with the planning will show you still want them to be a part of it. As for the male side, I know that my brothers and male friend wouldnt complain if they did not have to go for suit fitting and stand in front of everyone.