(Closed) How to tell people we want cash as a gift?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
289 posts
Helper bee

I had a friend put that she preferred cash on her wedding website. Instead of being registered anywhere, she had a page saying they had everything they needed and a gift wasn’t necessary. However, if guests insisted on bringing a gift, a cash gift would be appreciated. It didn’t bother me since I was planning on giving cash anyway.

Post # 17
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

In the situation you described, (which sounds like an indivodual that’s either very slow or completely lacking in social graces, and absolutely not the norm I refuse to believe more than one person has said this to you,) if they say to you in person “Oh so I don’t need to get you anything?” you could reply “Well no of course not, your presence is present enough! …But if you are looking to bring something, we are looking to buy a house soon/pay off student loans/get the car repaired/etc so a gift to help out with those expenses would be appreciated.”

Post # 19
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

To be honest most people will give you money anyway. I think for my actually wedding I only got two physical gifts. Everyone else gave money.

Post # 21
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just don’t register.

Post # 22
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

There is no polite way to say ‘we would prefer cash’. There’s no magical answer on that. 

Tbh, it’s weird that you’re so worried about a few guests. Even if you get 10 gifts, they don’t take up that much space. Worst case you could return them and just carry the gift card back home. 

Your friends not being socially aware doesn’t make it okay for you to be rude. If they buy you the unwanted blender, return it. 

Gifts are 100% optional so stop expecting that you’ll be receiving them. You get what you get. That’s how a gift work. 

Post # 23
9566 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

no registry and if people keep asking, you can say (and instruct your parents to say etc) “we have all things we need but are saving for a home”. If people go rogue and get you something physcial anyway, you just sell/return/exchange/donate it. In the end its a gift and its up to the giver!

I think straight up asking for money (even if its cutsied up via honeyfund or whatever) is rude. Makes it seem like youre sending people an invoice not an invite. 

Post # 24
552 posts
Busy bee

There is no polite way to say this.

But for the record, we were registered at 3 places and pretty much only got cash. I think we only had two or three actual gifts we had to bring home from the wedding.

Post # 25
1788 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Tell your young coworker that gift cards are appreciated. Everyone else will get the hint with no registry πŸ™‚

Post # 26
9386 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’d probably just laugh lightly and be like “no, of course you never *have* to get anyone anything.  Having you be there to support us is gift enough. But, if you really want to get us something, I’m sure a gift card or something would travel really well.”

Post # 28
89 posts
Worker bee

I never understood why people get so worked up about cash gifts. Most people seem to give them anyway. Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m going to spend money on others, I’d want to spend it on something the person actually wants. Not on random stuff they felt obligated to register for that they’ll never use.

I personally find returning or re-gifting to be a lot more rude than giving/accepting cash. I also am part of a culture that rarely gives boxed gifts during big parties (who wants to lug that around?) unless you’re close with the family and just drop it off at their house.

OP, just have your friends and family casually mention “they’re not registered anywhere, why not just give money and let them decide what they want? That’s what I’m doing”.

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