Post # 1
I could use some guidance in how to deal with a sensitive issue…
I am so happy I finally got my BFP after about 8 months of TTC! I am only about 6 weeks and so excited but I am also overwhelmed with anxiety when thinking about how I have to tell my older sister. She had a MC in May of last year and has been TTC again ever since with no luck. I want to be sensitive to the situation at hand but also don’t want to make a big deal out of it by assuming she would be very hurt etc.
I am thinking telling her over the phone would be the best way to go about this. I will be seeing her in 6 weeks in person but feel like doing it over the phone will allow her to take the time if she needs it without feeling like she is cornered or has to show some kind of emotion she isn’t feeling.
What do you think? I love my sister so much and just don’t want to hurt her.
Also, I need some help in what to actually say. I know all of you have had great suggestions in the past for other Bees on similar subjects and was hoping you could share your thoughts with me!
Thanks in advance
Post # 2
TookieClothespin: First, congratulations!!! Second, what a sweet, caring sister you are! I, too, have suffered miscarriages before and have problems TTCing. I think your idea to tell her over the phone is a good one. It will give her time to process. My sister did the same thing, and I am grateful for it as it gave me time to deal with how I was feeling. I know, like I was for my sister, she will be very, very happy and excited for you–she will probably just need a bit of time to deal with her feelings.
Congrats, again! 🙂
Post # 3
I am in no way an expert (yet to TTC, so never felt the emotions I know many women feel in that period of life), but I agree with your idea to tell her over the phone. From what I heard, it can be really hard to hear about other women’s pregnancies even if you feel glad for them, so giving her a chance to process her reaction privately sounds like a good idea.
Besides that, I probably would try to avoid going on about anything like “the first child in the family” or something like that – her baby would have been (maybe? idk.. maybe you have other siblings with children).. but I would just be careful to acknowledge when appropriate (not loudly or all the time) that she had created a person too.. just one that sadly didn’t make it to full term.
Post # 4
Thanks for your suggestions and opinions! I definitely agree with both of you and especially about the first grandchild thing. That would be horrible if someone did that! Luckily my family and I are very sensitive and aware of this and don’t think it would ever be a problem- but it’s definitely always good to be extra concious and cautious of the words I use.
Post # 5
I had a similiar issue and decided to tell my sister by text as didn’t want to put her on the spot. Boy was she mad! She said that although pregnancy topics are hard for her it doesn’t apply to me as i’m her sister. I did take a year to conceive so I guess she know I had my own struggle too.
Post # 6
Last summer, on a day that I had gotten a BFN, I was told that a friend was pregnant. I maintained a sane veneer for a whole 30 seconds and then burst into tears. I got this news indirectly, via my husband, and we were alone at the time so nobody else saw my reaction. And I’m not proud of myself, it was just a shitty day to hear the news.
Because of this, when I was eventually telling my friends that I was pregnant, I did it via txt, so that they could have a private first reaction.
That said, friends are not sisters, as KBelle12 points out. And I don’t have any sisters either so not best placed to advise!
How about texting her to arrange a phonecall? – would that give her a hint that you had ‘news’?
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Yes, please tell her by phone. “I have some good news to share… you’re going to be an aunt.”<br /><br />One of my closest friends had been TTC for over 1.5 years when I got pregnant. My news was a little bittersweet to her and there were some tears, but my news made her feel helpful.
Post # 8
TookieClothespin: I don’t have any helpful advice, but I think telling her on the phone is a great idea! She can then process it by herself, and react in a way that comes naturally without the pressure of “all eyes on her”. I’m sure she’ll be elated for you, it may just be an initial reaction that she can’t control. Congratulations by the way!
P.S. Love your username. I should have gone with Squeegee Beckenheim. Missed opportunity! 😛
Post # 9
Darling Husband and I have not started TTC yet, but I’m very anxious to start trying, and hearing about other pregnancies does have that effect on me. Not as severe, since I haven’t experienced a MC or a BFN yet. Both time my sister told me over the phone. The first time she sent me a text of her BFP. The second time we were talking on the phone she actually asked me if I was going to be mad if she was pregnant again (she knew how anxious I was even then to start a family). Of course I wasnt. And I was so excited for her. But yet I was a little sad that she was experiencing her second pregnancy, while I haven’t experienced any yet.
I think telling your sister over the phone is a great idea. She’ll be able to react in privacy, but you’ll also be able to gage her emotions by the sound of her voice.
Post # 10
TookieClothespin: I think that the phone call is a good idea. I TTC for over 2 years before getting my BFP and during that time my best friend (who is like a sister to me) became pregnant on her wedding night. Seriously…first night without a goalie and…BAM! She called me and basically said that she had good news that she and her Darling Husband were expecting and that she knew this might bring up some sad/mad feelings in me but that she knew that those feelings had nothing to do with her and Darling Husband and that I should take my time and call her and talk when I was ready. It was perfect for our relationship because she basically gave me license to grieve in my own way and in my own time.
I want to stress that every relationship is different. This is what was perfect for us and how we communicate. I wish you luck!
Post # 11
TookieClothespin: FWIW, my SIL just told us she is pregnant and I am so so glad she told us over the phone. It hit me and my husband really hard. I’m glad we’ve had time to process before going to see the family this weekend! Congrats on your pregnancy!! I’m sure she’s going to be so happy for you, especially after 8 months of trying!