(Closed) How to tell someone they are not a bridesmaid?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had a similar situation with a someone that I had been friends with since freshman year of HS and had grown distant from due to time and some not so nice things she had to say about me and Fiance when we first started dating. The last time I met up with her she told me to just let her know what color dress to wear and she would show up. I ignored that comment and let her know that she would definitely be invited to the wedding. I don’t plan on adding her to my bridal party and don’t see why I need to explain. I never promised anything. She just assumed that since we had been friends for so long she should be included even though the last few years of our friendship have been tumultuous and drama stricken and we’ve both done a piss-poor job of keeping up with each other.

Plus I’m still a little resentful of the things she’s said (she implied that the only reason Fiance got with me was because “the stock” of women in the city we lived in at the time was “low”).

Post # 32
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I was actually in a similar situation where my friend and I are not as close as we were during our high school days.  Also she recently was her “very” close friend’s bridesmaid.  I still remember during the time when she was planning for her friend’s bachlorette and bridal shower, she used to complain to me how expensive everything was.  Her friend had a destination wedding that she had to shell out additional money for, she hated it.  During that time our conversation always revolved around how she hated her role as a bridesmiad, how expensive it was and how cheap the bride is etc etc.  In my head it kind of just automatically registered that she hated being a bridesmaid.  So when it came time for me to ask my girlfriends to be my bridesmaids I never thought of including her.  Then one day she asked my other friend to ask me how come I didn’t choose her to be my bridesmaid… I was kind of shocked she still wanted to be one after everything she told me about her very recent experience.  So, apparently when we were young (HS days) we agreed to be each other’s bridesmaid, which I totally forgot.  The way I explained to her was that I didn’t want to burden her financially since she told me how much she disliked being a bridesmaid.  In this case, I think it’s totally fine to be honest.  After everything she told me, I really wouldn’t appreciate if one of my bridesmaids go around telling people how much she hates being my bridesmaid (I didn’t tell her this).  A wedding should be a positive thing and if I can eliminate or prevent negativity from happening, so be it.

Post # 33
Member
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Being left out tells someone where they stand. It can be a painful revelation.  Have to adult though (or not, I probably would not haha). 

Post # 34
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

I wanted to have like, 6 bridesmaids… I asked them to be my bridesmaids when I first got engaged…Stupid mistake on my behalf, because when it got down to the logistics of the costs, there was no way I could afford 6, I could only afford 2. 
1 “friend”, I ended up having a falling out with, so it was a given she wasn’t going to be apart of my wedding day anymore, however for the other 3 girls, I unfortunately had to let them down, and I felt horrible doing it, but they totally understood and everything is fine. 

Post # 35
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Ugh I’ve been that other girl whose best friend and I had always promised we’d be in each other’s wedding but then once she met her man she changed completely. Not only did she not ask me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (and would talk about her wedding constantly when we hung out) but she also ended up not inviting me to the wedding. I was incredibly hurt. 

Idk what advice I can give you. I want to say just include her because it’s very hurtful if you go back on your words although other bees might argue with me on this and say “no it’s OPs wedding…OP has the right to say no…” If you value her friendship, just include her. 

 

Also so for those who are quick to judge because she’s “negative”, maybe there’s a reason behind her negativity…maybe she’s depressed or has a lot going on. I have anxiety issues which cause me to be negative at times too. Please don’t judge and tell OP to dump this girl! That’s such horrible advice. 

 

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