Post # 1
I have a friend who, I assume, thinks she will be a part of my bridal party. Problem is, she isn’t a great friend, and I only want my best friends up there with me considering it will be a day to remember for my entire life.
I was in her bridal party, but that was years ago and things have changed.
The biggest problem in all this is that I don’t have a large group of friends. I have about 5 close friends and her. All my friends are not friends with eachother (they all get along they just don’t hang out 1 on 1 without me). I’m planning on asking 4 to be my bridesmaids and the 5th, who is my closest and oldest friend, to be my maid of honor. So she would be the only person in my group of friends who I wouldn’t be asking.
I don’t want to sound petty, but for her wedding I got screwed into spending a lot of money. I threw the bachelorette party at my cottage on the lake and bought all the food (over $400 in food, gas, and drinks). I was told that her mother was going to treat me to my make-up on the wedding day (it was $60) so to be nice I added that $60 into her wedding gift ($350+$60) which I gave her in the morning. When it was time to pay for our hair and make-up that afternoon (I thought I was just paying for my hair – $60) I was instructed that I had to pay for all… thank g-d I had extra money on me. Anyways, it wasn’t the first time that money issues with her came up – and she has plenty more than I even do.
For my bridesmaids I’d like to buy them each a nice thank you gift for being a part of the wedding party and I don’t really want to have to do that for someone who has never been generous with me, or appreciative of what I have done for her.
So, what do I do? Do I just not ask her and see if she says anything, or should I approach her and nicely say that I am tight on space for the bridal party and can’t ask anyone else.
Any ideas would help….
Post # 3
This is tough. If she was a great friend, I’d say approach her and tell her, gently, that she isn’t going to be in the Bridal Party because of space, blah blah. My bff and Maid/Matron of Honor did this with me, and it was fine.
However, because she sounds like kind of a b, I would probably just not say anything and see if she approaches you.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s right for her to assume she’s a part of your party. I wouldn’t bring it up unless she asks but if the topic comes up, be honest & upfront about the situation. It takes the awkwardness of of you & places it on her! “What about me?!”
Post # 5
@rosegardengirl: you don’t need to tell her unless she asks. she’ll figure it out after you start planning things and she isn’t included. but to just sit her down and tell her is bit of a slap in the face In My Humble Opinion
I have a cousin that assumed she would be (when I told her I was finally engaged, she said something about “her’ Bridesmaid or Best Man dress) I replied with no decisions since we are taking it slow. then once I deicded for sure, I just didn’t tell her she was one, and once shopping was underway and she wasn’t there, she knew.
Post # 6
I would just say you only had room for a few girls, and just not enough room for all your besties! Even if it’s not 100% the truth.
Post # 7
you just don’t ask her. if she says anything just be honest with her. I don’t think you need to call attention to the fact you aren’t asking her – that seems worse in my opinion.
Post # 8
I had a friend like this too. When I first got engaged, she started talking about all the things she wanted to do when she was my Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn’t want her to in my bridal party, much less my Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn’t say anything to her (we’ve had a long engagement) and by now she’s kind of figured out that she’s not going to be a part of it.
I would just not say anything and she should get the hint. I wouldn’t go up to her directly though and say anything unless she approaches you directly.
Post # 9
Just don’t say anything, unless she asks directly. Once you get close enough to the wedding and it’s clear that you’ve done all the planning and shopping, it should become obvious to her that she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man and that’s that. If you aren’t all one tight-knit group of close friends, hopefully she won’t feel “left out.”
Post # 10
I agree with PP, just don’t say anything unless she brings it up. It’s your wedding, you should not feel obligated to have her be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Don’t give in but expect some drama.
Post # 11
@rosegardengirl: Honestly, if you think you would feel okay with not asking her, and you’re willing to accept any consequences (in case she doesn’t want to be friends again or something), then I wouldn’t ask her. I asked a ‘friend’ because I knew she’d expect me to, and I regret it more than anything.
Post # 12
I actually have something of a same situation if maybe your advice my help you also. I asked a good friend of mine that I lost touch with to be s bridesmaid in my 2014 wedding and when making plans with everyone she never answered my texts or phone calls for weeks. I had to make my bridesmaid dresses apt and just figured she didn’t want to be in my wedding, which she would and could of easily got back to me. So I asked my third soon to be sister in-law and this would make my sister and my two sister in-laws. And now, week before the apt after more than a month she now texts me saying that date is fine. And my fiance only wants three in groomsmen. What do I do? How do I figure this mess out?!!! Please help!
Post # 13
Thank you for all the replies – I’m going to do what you all suggested and not say anything. 🙂 I hope that will be for the best.
@jb2014 I think that if you do still want her in your Bridal Party then you can have 4, when walking down the isle you can walk two girls with one guy – in fact, I’m going to be doing that. Or, if you’ve decided that you don’t want her anymore then you can just tell her – or better yet, why can’t you ask her if she’s willing to give being your Bridesmaid or Best Man her all – because you found it very stressful when you weren’t able to reach her and she wasn’t answering your txts, and see what she has to say.