(Closed) How to tell someone they are not going to be a part of your wedding party…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is tough. If she was a great friend, I’d say approach her and tell her, gently, that she isn’t going to be in the Bridal Party because of space, blah blah. My bff and Maid/Matron of Honor did this with me, and it was fine. 

However, because she sounds like kind of a b, I would probably just not say anything and see if she approaches you.

Post # 4
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think it’s right for her to assume she’s a part of your party. I wouldn’t bring it up unless she asks but if the topic comes up, be honest & upfront about the situation. It takes the awkwardness of of you & places it on her! “What about me?!” Undecided

Post # 5
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rosegardengirl:  you don’t need to tell her unless she asks. she’ll figure it out after you start planning things and she isn’t included. but to just sit her down and tell her is bit of a slap in the face In My Humble Opinion


I have a cousin that assumed she would be (when I told her I was finally engaged, she said something about “her’ Bridesmaid or Best Man dress) I replied with no decisions since we are taking it slow. then once I deicded for sure, I just didn’t tell her she was one, and once shopping was underway and she wasn’t there, she knew.

Post # 6
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would just say you only had room for a few girls, and just not enough room for all your besties! Even if it’s not 100% the truth.

Post # 7
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

you just don’t ask her. if she says anything just be honest with her. I don’t think you need to call attention to the fact you aren’t asking her – that seems worse in my opinion.

Post # 8
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had a friend like this too. When I first got engaged, she started talking about all the things she wanted to do when she was my Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn’t want her to in my bridal party, much less my Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn’t say anything to her (we’ve had a long engagement) and by now she’s kind of figured out that she’s not going to be a part of it. 

I would just not say anything and she should get the hint. I wouldn’t go up to her directly though and say anything unless she approaches you directly. 

Post # 9
679 posts
Busy bee

Just don’t say anything, unless she asks directly. Once you get close enough to the wedding and it’s clear that you’ve done all the planning and shopping, it should become obvious to her that she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man and that’s that. If you aren’t all one tight-knit group of close friends, hopefully she won’t feel “left out.”

Post # 10
3226 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with PP, just don’t say anything unless she brings it up. It’s your wedding, you should not feel obligated to have her be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Don’t give in but expect some drama. 

Post # 11
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@rosegardengirl:  Honestly, if you think you would feel okay with not asking her, and you’re willing to accept any consequences (in case she doesn’t want to be friends again or something), then I wouldn’t ask her. I asked a ‘friend’ because I knew she’d expect me to, and I regret it more than anything.

Post # 12
4 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

I actually have something of a same situation if maybe your advice my help you also. I asked a good friend of mine that I lost touch with to be s bridesmaid in my 2014 wedding and when making plans with everyone she never answered my texts or phone calls for weeks. I had to make my bridesmaid dresses apt and just figured she didn’t want to be in my wedding, which she would and could of easily got back to me. So I asked my third soon to be sister in-law and this would make my sister and my two sister in-laws. And now, week before the apt after more than a month she now texts me saying that date is fine. And my fiance only wants three in groomsmen. What do I do? How do I figure this mess out?!!! Please help!

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