(Closed) How to tell someone they’re not a bridesmaid

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
322 posts
Helper bee

I think the question is, do you think she expected to be included? If she definitely did i.e. you all talked about being in each other’s weddings and everything before, then you may want to give her an explanation. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s needed. She may be relieved since she will be so involved in planning her own wedding anyways.

Post # 4
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yes I agree with @mc77.  I was in a similar boat but we never discussed being in each other’s weddings so I just didn’t say anything.  And she now knows who is in my bridal party and has never seemed bothered by it!  I say just go with your gut when it comes to picking your bridal party. 

Post # 5
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

perhaps you could include her in the wedding some other way, by havng her do a reading or something of that nature? i believe there is a bee who has something like an extended bridal party (bridal house? please forgive my terrible memory!)- which includes ladies & gents who didn’t make the cut for the official bridal party, but are still acknowledged in programs, etc.) if that’s not an option, just let her know in the form you’re most comfortable with that if you could have a larger bridal party, you would be thrilled to include her. let her know how happy you will be to have her attend, regardless.

Post # 6
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I had two close friends whom included me in their weddings last year, but I was unable to do the same for them in my wedding. So I asked them to be “honor attendants” and do readings during the ceremony. They’re still included, just not standing up there the whole time!

Post # 7
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I wouldn’t say anything about not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man unless she explicitly brings it up.  Otherwise its just super awkward.  If you are close enough to her that she was almost a Bridesmaid or Best Man though, I would ask her to do a reading or something in the wedding so she is still included.

Post # 8
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think explaining it to her would just be worse. That’s bound to be the world’s most awkward conversation (or IM), and if I were your friend, it would just make me feel bad and/or defensive (e.g. “I don’t need your sympathy; who said I wanted to be a bridesmaid anyway?”).

If you really feel like she’s expecting to be a bridesmaid and will be hurt by not being chosen, then I’d reconsider including her. It might be a good way to reignite your friendship, since it doesn’t sound like you’ve had a falling out of any kind–you’ve just lost touch. 

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