(Closed) How to tell uninvited family/friends you are married?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

People will understand why they weren’t invited if it’s just a small courthouse wedding with immediate family.  If you want, you could send out a wedding announcement afterward.

Post # 5
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would send out a wedding anouncement with a pic of you two after the wedding. I am sure they will understand why a bunch of people were not invited to a courthouse wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with sending out a wedding announcement. Or if its people that you don’t see often, you can always mention it in your holiday card if you send those out. 

Post # 7
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

This is what the wedding announcement, the newspaper social page, and social letters were invented for.

To the kind of people who are close enough to ask “why weren’t we invited” you would send a personal note, saying something along the lines of “Oh, Aunty, I can’t wait to tell you my good news: Chauncy and I were married at the courthouse last Saturday! Of course it was a very private affair, just the parents and us: but you are such a close friend I wanted you to be among the very next people to know!” That takes care of minimizing the hurt: you are making them feel warm and special while explaining it was private. (Nowadays, the equivalent of a social note is an individual email, which is easier because you can cut-and-paste the body of the note and just add personalizing details. Traditionalists can go on using paper and ink.)

To the kind of people that you don’t see from week to week, but who need to know you are married before they send out next year’s Christmas cards, you send a printed announcment. This takes the form of whatever invitation you would have used had you actually had guests, but is in the past tense and says “announce …” instead of “request the pleasure of your company at….” I am partial to black ink engraving, white cotton laid heavy paper with titles and surnames, but your style may vary. (The modern equivalent is to send a bulk email with all the names in blind, as modern young people may not realize that a mere announcement indicates a degree of social distance that precludes gift-giving, and mistakenly see the formal announcement as a gift-grab. Honi soit qui mal y pense, but you’ll want to take your friends’ understanding of wedding traditions into account when you decide which form to use.)

To the kind of people you might run into in a blue moon who might be vaguely interested, you entrust a paid notice in the social page of the newspaper announcing your wedding. No-one reads those paid notices anymore, so the modern equivalent is changing your status in Facebook.

 

Post # 9
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Sending out a wedding announcement (after the wedding) is the traditional way to do it.

Post # 9
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Sending out a wedding announcement (after the wedding) is the traditional way to do it.  Typically, the announcements are sent out the same day as the wedding, shortly after the ceremony, so people feel like they were told early.

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