Post # 1
Hello Lovely Ladies of Wedding Bee!
Im in a dilemma, me and my fiance want to have a courthouse wedding with just parents and siblings we are happy with this and it is what is financially possible for us, How do we tell the rest of the family and friends were married? Should we keep it a secret that these are our plans until after the wedding? How do we avoid or minimize the “why werent we invited!?” questions and hurt feelings?
Post # 3
People will understand why they weren’t invited if it’s just a small courthouse wedding with immediate family. If you want, you could send out a wedding announcement afterward.
Post # 4
thanx i was thinking that was the best way to go but it didnt want to sound like i was gift grabbing i dont want them to send us anything just want to let them know:> my boyfriends cousin got married/had baby and went announcement crazy “Were Engaged”, “STD”,”Were Married”,”Were Expecting”, “Our First Ultrasound”,”The Baby’s Born” Yes we got a card for all these things with their picture it was weird not to mention Thank You’s for baby shower and wedding and Holidays they’re photography crazy i guess its nice to get them but we have like a big collection and no one else really sends that many cards in the family
Post # 5
I would send out a wedding anouncement with a pic of you two after the wedding. I am sure they will understand why a bunch of people were not invited to a courthouse wedding.
Post # 6
I agree with sending out a wedding announcement. Or if its people that you don’t see often, you can always mention it in your holiday card if you send those out.
Post # 7
This is what the wedding announcement, the newspaper social page, and social letters were invented for.
To the kind of people who are close enough to ask “why weren’t we invited” you would send a personal note, saying something along the lines of “Oh, Aunty, I can’t wait to tell you my good news: Chauncy and I were married at the courthouse last Saturday! Of course it was a very private affair, just the parents and us: but you are such a close friend I wanted you to be among the very next people to know!” That takes care of minimizing the hurt: you are making them feel warm and special while explaining it was private. (Nowadays, the equivalent of a social note is an individual email, which is easier because you can cut-and-paste the body of the note and just add personalizing details. Traditionalists can go on using paper and ink.)
To the kind of people that you don’t see from week to week, but who need to know you are married before they send out next year’s Christmas cards, you send a printed announcment. This takes the form of whatever invitation you would have used had you actually had guests, but is in the past tense and says “announce …” instead of “request the pleasure of your company at….” I am partial to black ink engraving, white cotton laid heavy paper with titles and surnames, but your style may vary. (The modern equivalent is to send a bulk email with all the names in blind, as modern young people may not realize that a mere announcement indicates a degree of social distance that precludes gift-giving, and mistakenly see the formal announcement as a gift-grab. Honi soit qui mal y pense, but you’ll want to take your friends’ understanding of wedding traditions into account when you decide which form to use.)
To the kind of people you might run into in a blue moon who might be vaguely interested, you entrust a paid notice in the social page of the newspaper announcing your wedding. No-one reads those paid notices anymore, so the modern equivalent is changing your status in Facebook.
Post # 8
@aspasia475:Thanx that wording is exactly what i needed i didnt know how to phrase that i would have wanted them to be there and that they were important im not good at phrasing things
and thanx to everyone else who replied i will be sending announcements and a little personal note to close family and friends about our wedding
Post # 9
Sending out a wedding announcement (after the wedding) is the traditional way to do it.
Post # 9
Sending out a wedding announcement (after the wedding) is the traditional way to do it. Typically, the announcements are sent out the same day as the wedding, shortly after the ceremony, so people feel like they were told early.