Post # 1
I got engaged over the summer (Yay!), but I haven’t told my work yet because of some family illnesses pushing it out of my mind and the fact that most of the people at my work actually think I am already married.
I know this is my fault becuase people referred to my finacee/boyfried as my husband and I didn’t correct them. The first few times they did it I was too tounge-tied to correct them, and then it just sort of stuck. They probably think we are married because we already have a child together who was born before I started working here, which I realize is a reasonable assumption. I wasn’t wearing a wedding band, or even an engagement ring until about a month ago. My engagement ring is not flashy at all, so it could pass for a wedding band (it is a gold band in the shape of a twig with a diamond – the perfect ring for me). We do have a domestic partnership and we share health care benefits, but that doesn’t count as a legal marriage.
But, now I feel like I need to tell people, if for no reason other than to explain why I will be taking time off next summer. I guess I could just call it a vacation, which it sort of is, but that feels needlessly deceptive. The people I work with are wonderful people, and they celebrated someone else’s engagement since I was engaged. I do not like the spot light, either, so I wouldn’t want them to publicly acknowledge my engagement
I just feel so stuck. I know that what I need to do is bite the bullet and tell people but any advice on how to do it?
Post # 3
You don’t have to give work a reason for taking your paid time off. Just tell them. I don’t see the big deal
Post # 4
@melizabe: If you really don’t want the spotlight, I’d just not say anything. Take time off next summer as planned for a vacation or trip or “the honeymoon we never had.” When you come back you’ll be married as they already assume you are.
If someone asks – just say it’s a long complicated story, and rather than correcting anyone’s assumptions I’ve just let people assume I’m married, but my Fiance will actually get married next summer.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
To be honest, I didn’t say anything and it kind of just happened organically. I am a very private person at work and I just didn’t find it necessary information. A few people noticed my ring which was kind of funny because I am so private that many of them didn’t even know I was dating anyone (DH and I had been living together for many years at that point, but I digress).
When I started taking time off for wedding related activities and eventually my honeymoon, my supervisor would ask where I was going/what I was doing (just making conversation) and I was honest and said, oh that’s for my honeymoon, or I am having a bridal shower, etc. (I had a long distance wedding so I needed to take time off for my shower/some other events.) Word eventually spread and because I didn’t make a big deal about announcing it, no one in my company made a big deal about it either.
I wouldn’t overthink it. I really feel that conversations like that will come up organically.
Post # 6
If they already think you’re married, I wouldn’t feel the need to tell them anything. If they ask why you’re suddenly wearing a ring/taking time off, either tell them “for personal reasons,” or just saying that you’re having your wedding reception. Many brides do a reception after getting married at, say, City Hall.
Post # 7
@melizabe: just say you’re going on a belated honeymoon ?