Post # 1
I was thinking about this the other day and I am curious what you bees have to say.
At least for me, ever since I started having sex, despite being on the pill and sometimes doubling up on protection, I’ve welcomed my monthly friend and have been relieved that I am/was not pregnant.
I’m 27 and we’re thinking of TTC in a few years, and I am just wondering how you snap out of that “so glad I’m not pregnant” mentality to the “sex is for baby making” mentality.
I know I am not yet ready for kids, but I would like to have a kid eventually, and the idea of going off the pill SCARES me. Will I just know when I’m ready?
So bees… have you always wanted kids and never been scared of the idea of being pregnant, or are you like me where you spent the last decade or so relieved when AF arrived, and now are trying to break that habit??
Post # 3
@canarydiamond: for me it was different. Although every month I welcomed my period….I would never have been *too* upset if I were pregnant. To me, it’s like: we’ll survive if i’m pregnant so I wouldn’t be devestated or anything.
That being said: I NEVER EVER had myself get into the mentality of “sex is for baby making”. Even when we were TTC, we always left the “baby talk” out of it. We just had fun. One time he said, “I’m too tired to baby-make tonight” and I was like…”we’re not baby-making, I just to …..screw:/” (pardon me, but honestly!).
So, for me, I just had my usual sex, no special positions or anything and enjoyed it. And even before TTC, I always put it in my mind that if God forbid I got pregnant, I would make the ebst of it and enjoy it. Every child is a blessing–even if totally untimed!
*Maybe I should note: I’ve only ever been with Darling Husband so that played a part in it. Even before we got married, I know we were getting married.
Post # 4
I’m not currently ready to have kids and not sure if I’ll ever be, so this is probably not what you’re looking for, but I’ll share my thoughts anyway. My situation is that if I ever change my mind and decide I want kids, then we’ll probably have them. One of the criteria that I think of for that is that when I’m ready for kids, my way of thinking will change on its own. I’ll start wanting to be pregnant or thinking about pregnancy as a positive thing, which is the opposite of how things are now. Most of my friends with planned or semi-planned kids say this is how it happened to you. I really think it’s something that happens naturally and you can’t really force it.
Post # 5
Tough one! For me I never really had to make the switch – we just did it like we normally did.
I stopped taking BC when we got married – Mostly because the hormones messed me up pretty bad and I knew I wanted kids eventually so I was ok with taking my chances. We avoided pregnancy for the first year of marriage and then by chance got pregnant about 3 months after our first anniversary. I can’t say i was shocked because obviously we weren’t protecting ourselves outside of POM but I also had a slight freak out of “Am I ready for this?” “Is this really happening?”
I think for me it would have been difficult to say “ok, i’m ready, lets try for a baby” so I’m actually a little relieved it came as a surprise because I don’t know how long I would have put off actually TTC. We are definitely in a place where we are able and wanting to have children so after the initial shock I was/am extremely excited.
I’m not sure what advice to give you – I just know I was happy with not having to actively TTC because it adds a lot of extra stress and can put a damper on doing the deed. That’s not to say if in a few years I still wasn’t pregnant I wouldn’t start that process. I was very fortunuate in how it turned out for me. I know many women try and have trouble.
Post # 6
@canarydiamond: Since basically a few months of being with my SO I wanted to have his babies. Even if we had had a slip up I would have been secretly happy! So sometimes I was sad when AF showed, even though I knew there was no way we could be pregnant.
You would be suprised how much TTC takes a hold of your emotions. When the time comes, you will be as crazed as us when AF shows when you are hoping she doesn’t.
Post # 7
@Sea_bass: Same here, but only with my Darling Husband. I was dating someone for a while and I was a few days and I was doing eveything I could to make AF come. lol
Post # 8
I’m in a similar boat, but I can see myself making the change already and I think that’s how you know you’re getting ready to make babies.
I’ve always been cautious and used protection and been on the pill. I’ve had a few concerns over the years and have taken some pregnancy tests. I remember the 3 minutes or whatever you have to wait being the LONGEST MINUTES OF MY LIFE the first time I took the test. When it was negative I cried with relief. I did that a few times over the years.
Now that I’m with Fiance and we talk about having a family in a year or two the attitude seems to have shifted. A few weeks ago I was feeling sick and my sister made a joke about me being pregnant so I took a test to be sure (and to shut her up).
The wait didn’t seem so long. I wasn’t panicking. And when it came up “not pregnant” I didn’t cry with relief, I sort of shrugged and said “guess I just ate something bad.”
I think that when you are mentally ready and with someone who you want to have kids with your mindset just naturally shifts.
Post # 9
I’ve always known I wanted kids, but I also wanted them on my terms– like, when we decided we were ready for them. So yeah, I used to be very happy when AF came (I may or may not have come out of the bathroom and announced “Not pregnant!” when AF started several times). The closer it got to the wedding, the less of a dread it became, but I still wanted to plan it.
Then about a year after we got married and we were talking seriously about TTC, that’s when it slowly changed. I went off the pill a few months before TTC so my period wasn’t as regular, so i did take a few tests. This time it was like, well, I’d rather meet this exciting news with full happiness, not a little bit of panic, so I guess I hope it’s negative. But we’d be pretty cool with it if it was positive. Now that we are actively TTC (but NOT thinking ‘sex is for babymaking’, careful to keep that out of it) I think I’ll be a little sadder for AF to come. It’s been gradual though. At 27, I felt like you, but now I’m ready.
Post # 11
@Mrs.Jansen: Same here! I tell you, with some past partners I was crying with joy when AF showed, trust me! How is your TWW going? Got my fingers crossed for you 🙂 🙂
Post # 12
OP – I know exactly where you’re coming from, and unfortunately I don’t have a great answer for you.
The absolute weirdest feeling is the first time you get your period after going off BC. In one month, you go from “Thank God I’m not pregnant” to “Oh my God, I’m not pregnant, what if there’s something wrong with me and I can’t have children and will never be a mother!!”
Honestly, even though I’m ready to have a child in every way possible, the idea of actually being pregnant scares the crap out of me. I literally cannot wrap my head around how pregnant women function in a normal environment while something is growing inside of them. I think of things we have coming up (trips, weddings, work projects, family gatherings), and cannot fathom doing those while pregnant. THAT’s going to be the biggest adjustment for me!
Post # 13
@ExcitedScaredBee: Lol, I am glad I am not the only one.
Thanks for the responses, ladies – I really appreciate your insight.
Keep the responses coming 🙂
Post # 14
OP- I think you will just know. We have been together for 5.5 years and we always discussed our future with kids in it. We decided to try after the wedding. Before the wedding I was freaking out about being ready or not. Giving up our freedom to come and go as we please. Once we got married I was ready just like that. Now it’s all I think about and curse AF when she comes! I want to get a BFP more then I want to live life itself 🙂
Post # 15
I think you should look at the situation a little differently, and only when you wake up thinking ‘I wish I was pregnant!’ or at least ‘I would be happy if I was pregnant!’ should you TTC. You cannot force yourself to want or be ready for a baby and if you are not then I don’t think you should TTC.
I always knew that I badly wanted to be a mother and never thought I’m glad I’m not pregnant so getting pregnant I was totally ready.
It sounds like you need more time.
Post # 16
It just happens. You don’t transition with markers telling you want to do. It just happens.