Post # 1
Hello fellow bee’s. Be gentle, this is my first post here.
I’m just going to cut to the chase here, this Friday is my boyfriends birthday and our 3 year anniversary. We started “officially” dating after 11 days, moved in together after 3-4 months, and recently moved into a townhome within the past 3 months. He’s seen me at my worst. I’ve seen him at his worst. We’ve fought, made love, made up, cooked together, paid bills together, cried together etc etc. I have placed my ballot in the box marking him “The one.” We both communicate reasonably well and have a great relationship… except there’s this one small thing. I’m going slightly, no definitely some kind of crazy waiting for him to propose. After a year and a 1/2 of dating he got me a ring for my birthday (which I wear daily, because, ya know, love and stuff.) and it’s been a nightmare since. It was just a simple birthday ring that just so happens to only fit comfortably on my ring finger. So obviously, I’ve been asked dozens of times, “are you engaged?; when’s the wedding?; what’s he waiting for?” And I dearly love him and we both see marriage in our future but there are times with each “left-finger photo”; wedding conversation and/or invitation, a little piece of me just… breaks. It’s just painful. He know’s how I feel, he knows I could care less if he bought a $100 ring or a $1000 ring. I’ve actively lost my shit in front of him, a few times, this past year. I want to be with him, and sometimes I realize, if we are meant to be together, and we look back when we’re old, will it even matter if we waited 4 years or 6 years? Either way we will have been together. But for the love of God, I’m going mad trying to figure out what to do while waiting. I walk a fine line between sanity and bursting into tears when I hear wedding talk, facebook is a dangerous place and don’t get me started with pintrest. Sigh. So fellow bee’s, please, give me some ray of hope or at least some adivce on what to do whilst I wait for those for words. Thanks in advance.
Post # 2
You need to have a timeline talk with him and see if you both are even on the same page in terms of your rlelationship and what you want out of it in the future. If the ring is bothering you so much with people asking about your relationship/engagement status, get it resized for a different finger.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2015 - Winery
I was with my boyfriend for 5 years before I actually sat him down and told him that if we weren’t engaged within the next year, that we would seriously have to rethink our relationship. So we were engaged within the year.
Don’t push him. The LAST thing you want to do is make him feel pressured into doing something he may not be ready for. For some men it’s a REALLY scary thing. Just have a heart to heart conversation. Give him space, give him time. My FH is really quiet and reserved so I can’t MAKE him talk or else he gets upset.
Your time will come. Be patient. You don’t want to push him away.
Post # 4
What does he say when you bring it up?
Post # 5
I second the idea of getting your ring resized. It’s natural for others to think it’s an engagement/wedding ring.
I waited 7 years before we got engaged about a month ago, and I was not subtle about wanting to get engaged the last 3 or so years lol. It was hard, but in the end, it doesn’t really matter how long you waited. Obviously, marriage is important, but how long you waited before getting engaged/married is just details. My fiance had a specific size/price in mind, and he wanted to be able to comfortably afford it. The wait will be worth it, I promise!
Post # 6
I’m a pretty big believer that when most men get married has a primarily to do with where they are in life. Some men just grow up knowing they will not get married until they are ready to start a family- career in full swing, finances in a row, and expecting to have kids a year or two after the wedding. How many of his friends are married? What was his parent’s exerpeince like? He’ll likely do the same. If you frame it like this in your mind- that him being ready for marriage has way more to do with how many of his close friends are married than how many years you’ve been together- you won’t see at as a reflection of his feelings for you but more of “this is where we are in life now.”
<br />If yall are only 25 and none of your friends are married and his parents didn’t have him until they were in the 30s… you have a long wait. And if I were you I would move out- not to hurt your relationship but to align your lifestyle and expectations with the reality of the situation. If you guys aren’t ready to do the “sharing our lives together as a family of two” thing officially, than don’t do it unofficially. Live in a cool girly apartment with a great girlfriend. Go on girls trips. Go on dates with your boyfriend and relish in trips together where its so amazing waking up together 4 monring in a row. Enjoy this time being unmarried! Because you are not married yet!
The time before you are married has a lot of positives too but you won’t experience them if you are living together. I just think as long as you are living with him, and living like you are married, you are going to be “waiting” and frustarted he’s not making it official. You’re just getting the negatives parts of being unmarried without the positives.I’m a big believer in living together before marriage, but only when both people are on the same page that they are ready for marriage… as in you both already know you are the right age and in the right lifestyle to pick your life partner, and you are moving in together because you want to be a family and this is the next step. Not because your roommate is moving out and you guys already spend so much time together etc etc
<br />In any case definitely get the ring re-sized.
Post # 7
I really relate to your entire post….and all I can say is that I commiserate and know how you feel. I hope that your SO proposes soon.
Post # 8
OP, how old are you and your SO?
Post # 9
I am confused. You are sick of waiting and throw tantrums about getting engaged. Have you talked to him at all? Asked him if he wants to get married and when?
Engagement is not only up to a man. He does not get to make this decision on his own. It is both of you agreeing on it so I suggest talking to him before you go any deeper and further with your thoughts.
I was with my SO for 5 years and we just moved in in 2014 and are lookingat rings now. Everything takes its place.
Post # 10
bottleandpen: I wish I had some solid advice (outside of if you arent into that many hobbies or have money for things like photography classes just watch Netflix…lol) but I wanted to say you wrote a really lovely and relatable post. Many of us have lost our shit while waiting, even if we don’t want to admit it.
Only suggestion is wear the ring on your right-hand ring finger instead of left
Post # 11
^^^ That is good idea. Does it fit on your right hand ring finger? Also, like I said before – girl, talk to your guy. It sounds like he is marriage material, so no worries. But he might be completely obvious to the fact that you want him to put a ring on it!
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2016 - Boettcher Mansion
I know several Bees before me have said this, but guys often have their own internal timeline of when they want to propose, and they often don’t let us in on it unless we have a very open conversation about it. I will tell you, definitely don’t push him too hard… It is a special moment for you BOTH, it’s his moment as well as yours, and if he wants it to be really special he might be waiting to ensure he can make it special for you. Like others have said, talk to him and just let him know what you’re thinking as far as when you’d like to get married, etc, and ask him what he’s thinking, too, and what factors play into it. My FH was holding off on proposing because he wanted to graduate first, but I brought up that by the time he would be graduated I’d be 28 and he’d be 31, and I want some time with just the two of us before we start trying to have kids, but I can’t plan a wedding instantaneously. I also told him I would prefer a long engagement like his sister had, and that I didn’t want things that went off our plan in other areas of our life to derail EVERY part of our lives… He will be graduating next May, but we are engaged NOW and getting married next June, right after he graduates… But I never would have known that graduating first was so important to him, and he would never have known that I wanted some time for the two of us before kids if we hadn’t talked about it.
Let him know how you feel, but remember that everything has its time and that this is a joint decision that the two of you should make together! You might be feeling anxious and a bit crazy (I was!), but he might be feeling nervous, rushed, frustrated, and anxious, too! Hang in there! 🙂
Post # 13
I am in a VERY similar position And I’m telling you right now you are not the only one feeling this way! It’s so hard when you know what you want but you’re stuck waiting on someone else. It’s incredibly frustrating especially when it’s a touchy topic like marriage. I took the advice of some of the lovely ladies on this page and had a no-pressure, calm conversation with my man about timelines, and while I am waiting longer than I had hoped at least now I know so its not hanging over my head all the time. I promise it helps. You’re always going to have your moments (I just found out that my bfa sister got engaged and trust me it’s bringing up a lot of feelings) but over all I think it’s best that you talk to him. Get a timeline for the sake of your sanity.