(Closed) How to word "the wedding is off" in an email?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 33
Member
554 posts
Busy bee

I agree w/ PPs. Have your parents take care of it. 

Post # 34
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@BrideToBe14:  We regret to inform you that our wedding that was scheduled for May ?? is no longer taking place. This was not an easy decision, but the right one, and we applogize for any inconvenience.  We ask you to respect our privacy in this difficult time.

 

I am so sorry. I really feel for you. While I agree with Abbie that a phone call would be best (and I would be annoyed too– not at you, but at the situation), but you should not make the calls and it is important to get the word out now. Bcc everyone and email it out. Then turn off your phone. Tomorrow you can look at your email and ask your mom to call anyone who didn’t respond/who you knew booked flights.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 35
Member
3273 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I know someone who did this. They sent the STDs out like bizzarely early and then they split up in a very one-sided decision. The parents said something like

A and B have realized that it is not the right decision for them to get married. We apologize for any convenience.

Just short and sweet, nothing big.

Post # 36
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BrideToBe14:  I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time.  I would ask both parents to send an email saying “we want to thank everyone who has made plans to attend ______ wedding.  Unfortunately ____ and _____ have realized that marriage is not the right choice for them.  They have asked us to pass on their sincere apologies to all those who had made plans to attend the wedding.  They hope you will keep them in your thoughts and prayers as they go through this difficult time.”

Post # 37
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

   @BrideToBe14:  I’m so terribly sorry you’re hurting so much right now! I’d have your parents contact your guests, and his parents (or him) contact theirs. I like the wording that

View original reply
@nikkialys: used – i think that would be perfect. And I wouldnt be at all mad about receiving a cancelation email, you have enough to worry about without worrying about upsetting people. hugs to you!

Post # 38
Member
3952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@BrideToBe14:  When are these emails going out? If you and your Fiance just decided this morning to call off the wedding, I would take a couple of days to wrap your head around it before you start sending emails/making phone calls/making decisions. You need to have a clear head before you start undoing anything else.

After a couple of days, just be honest, but brief. No one needs to know exact reasonings. Close family and friends deserve a phone call, if not from you then from your mother. Say that, mutually, you decided to call off the engagement due to unforseen circumstances. You apologize for the inconvienience this will cause everyone and you appreciate everyone respecting your privacy at this time, their love and support is appreciated.

I’m sorry this is happening. It’s a terrible, gut wrenching thing to happen, but you’ll come out on top. Good luck!

Post # 39
Hostess
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MrsBuesleBee:  +1!

I agree, you don’t owe an explanation or a lengthy email. A simple the “wedding has been canceled” should suffice. If they ask further questions it is up to you if you would like to ignore or respond but really you don’t owe anyone the details.

I am so sorry hun that you are going through this terrible ordeal!

Post # 40
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BrideToBe14:  I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. In writing, I’d say:

 

To our dear friends and family,

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the wedidng of LovelyBride and AssholeGroom on <insert date here> at <insert location here> has been cancelled. We appreciate your understanding and apologize for any inconvenience.

Best,

Family of Bride/Groom

 

If someone decides to make phone calls, I’d have your mom do it and say:

I am calling to let you know that <you> and <your ex> have decided that marriage is not the right decision for them at this time. On behalf of everyone, we are so sorry for any inconvenience and ask that you keep us in your thoughts as this is a very difficult time.

It’s my hope for you that no one feels the need to ask you too many questions about what happened. Don’t feel like you need to respond to it simply because someone rudely enough asked the question. 

 

I hope that you feel better. Please know that I am thinking of you. 

Post # 41
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

I don’t know if it would make much of a difference, but you could always have something mentioned in the email like ‘We appreciate your respect for our privacy at this time.’ to kind of prewarn against sending a bunch of emails or even worse, people reaching out to you when you really just want a little time to grasp what’s going on.

Post # 42
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Backyard

@BrideToBe14:  I am sorry!

I think what you wrote is perfect. If you do not want to have a lot of people asking what happened or whatnot, you could add, “I am not ready to speak with anyone just yet, but appreciate your concerns.” People should be able to get the hint you don’t want to talk about it just yet.

These people care about you and your former partner. They will care more about your pain than about their plane tickets. 

Hang in there. Hugs.

Post # 43
Member
13565 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@MrsBuesleBee:  + 1 to keeping it very short and to the point.  I would not add in open to speculation  or redundant comments such as “due to unforeseen events.” 

I would not add the bit  about asking for privacy because it implies that your closest friends and family don’t otherwise know the right way to act.  Word of mouth that you may need some time to yourself or that you are receptive to support and calls, but not right away, is the way I’d go.  

Post # 44
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

The actress, Diane Farr, sent out hilarious ones when she canceled her wedding.

 

Outside: SINGLE.

Inside: Picked the wrong guy. Gave him the wrong finger. Thanks for your support.

Post # 45
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I really don’t think you or your parents need to contact guests by phone in the coming days. I’m surprised by the bee who said she would be offended if she didn’t receive a phone call. 

 

 

 

My primary concern as a guest – and more importantly, as a friend – would be for your well-being. I might be disappointed by having lost some money on flights, etc, but I would be massively cognisant that that pales infinitely in comparison with your disappointment. 

 

 

 

My point is, I would just send an email. I can’t imagine that anyone remotely supportive or sensitive would expect you (or your mom) to make tens or even hundreds of phone calls. Please ignore that selfish advice. 

 

And good luck. You’ve made the right decision. 

Post # 46
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Super hugs to you.  🙁

I’d have your mom send the following:

“We regret to inform you that Joe & Jane have made the difficult decision to end their engagement and cancel their wedding.  We, along with Joe & Jane offer our sincerest apologies for any inconvenience this has caused you.

Sincerely,

Jane’s Mom”

This makes it clear that it’s not being postponed, that the engagement is off.  I also like the idea of having your mom send it since then she’ll get many of the “what happened emails.”  Discuss with her in advance how you want her to handle them.

Again, great big bear hugs to you.

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