(Closed) How traditional is too traditional?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh wow. It’s time for mom to cut the cord! can he even take care of himself? Do you really want a guy who comes straight from home to you? 

Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think as long as he is still living with his parents, he is expected to follow their rules. When he moves out on his own, he can make his own rules.

Post # 6
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

o god get over it !!! im against out of wedlock kids and being too liberal but i mean after 21 not really a child anymore jsut hope they were raised in order to follow the respectful way in life

Post # 7
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I couldn’t date a full grown man who lives with his parents UNLESS he was in school or maybe hit hard times. Why can’t he move out? 

Post # 9
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

To be honest, I think this is a little ridiculous, especially considering his age. You have every right to feel frustrated by this situation.

I come from a Sicilian family as well, and while some of their expectations are fairly traditional, I am an adult and ultimately, have final say in the path I choose in own life. While my parents adore my SO, they weren’t exactly over the moon when my SO and I decided to move in together. However, once our intentions were laid out on the table (serious about each other, engagement following shortly), they were absolutely at ease and remain fully supportive of our decision.

Personally, once I hit my early twenties and started living on my own, I wouldn’t even consider seriously dating someone who still lived at home, save for extreme circumstances like assisting with a very ill family member, or recooperating after a temporary financial drought. I take great pride in my own independence, and find that same quality in a potential partner very attractive. It’s important that I know how my SO handles responsibility, finances, and managing their own space before I can truly envision a shared life with him. Personally, I’m not sure I could deal with rules and regulations like the ones you describe, but everyone is different. I advise you to sit down with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and share your feelings and ask him what he suggests the two of you do to make it through until you wed. I think it’s time he sucks it up and moves out on his own. He needs to do what is best for your relationship, and in this case, respectfully standing up for himself may be his best bet.

Post # 11
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

So moving out to have an existance proving solely that you can live on your own rather then staying at home to save money for say, buying a house in the future is considered a bad thing?  Personally I saw no reason to move out of my parents house while I could stay there with lower or no rent and therefore could easily chuck money into savings.  My husband lived at home with his parents until he moved to the USA to marry and live with me.  Currently we are living with my family because huh… surprisingly a trans-atlantic relationship and immigration aren’t too conducive to savings.  

Luckily we have my folks (and had I moved to Europe his folks would have done the same) who are happy to help us out so that we CAN save some money and not live paycheck to paycheck.  Living at home is only a sign of childhood if you let it be.  We take care of our own stuff.  We help my folks out with whatever we can.  Once we have enough in savings then we’ll be moving out.  

My husband came from living at home where his mom did his laundry and cleaned etc.  Yet since he’s moved to the USA, he does all the laundry, he cleans, he takes out the trash.  I have no doubts in our future as husband and wife or his as co-earner for our family.  For the record, my brother moved out years before he got married and at the time he got married my parents were STILL driving to his apartment and doing his laundry for him.  In fact after 10 years of marriage, he’s only just starting to learn to do laundry.  So living on your own (by itself) isn’t any indication of maturity.

It takes courage to move out on your own, but sometimes it takes as much courage or maybe more to understand that you need some outside help and to accept that help.

We are very fortunate that my parents were not hugely strict before we got married and since we have married there are very few things they request or require from us.  If it was a situation like the OP’s bf then we might decide differently, but don’t be so quick to jump on the “Oh you live at home you must be a loser” bandwagon!

OP – I can get your frustration and tbh if my parents had laid the same strictures on me that your bf’s parents do then I might have made some different decisions.  I wish I had some advice for you, but honestly it’s going to have to be up to your bf to decide when enough is enough.  If he wants to move out to live with you then he can at any time.  He’s of an age that his parents can’t stop him, only he can.  However if he’s doing this while they are paying for him to go through grad school, then his hands are probably tied until he graduates.  

Post # 12
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@cosmo1: Well…. my fiance doesn’t even live with his parents but when he stays with them (visiting and such) his parents say be home at (fill in the blank time, usually 9 or earlier) or don’t come back at all. He is 20 years old we have a child and he doesn’t live there! what the heck! So i am so sorry for all of what you are going through i feel your pain i wish you luck!

Post # 13
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@cosmo1:  Their house, their rules.  Your boyfriend has the choice to live there by their rules or strike out on his own and pay his own way. 

Post # 15
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@cosmo1: Does your Boyfriend or Best Friend have a problem with his parents’ rules? Or is he okay with the way things are?

Post # 16
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Fiance & I lived with our respective sets of parents until we moved in together. We only moved in together when we decided this relationship was going somewhere. I miss the days of not having to pay rent or anything.  Fiance wanted to get out of his parents house. He was 23 when we started dating, and I (at 20) lived in the dorms at college. He had to be home at 11 every night. I couldn’t go in his bedroom at his parents or stay over. I, on the other hand, could come and go as I pleased.  My parents let me do what I wanted when I was at home. I think that going away to school helped them let go a little though. Fiance & I moved in together because we were tired of being apart. It was a good decision for us.

The topic ‘How traditional is too traditional?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors