(Closed) How very apt!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Purple_Possum:  Thanks for the link and that was very apt! In fact, one of the don’ts is worth posting here because, judging from some past threads, some people do have negative connotations about us Waitings bees.

Don’t: Assume that I’m angry, bitter, jilted, lonely, sad or otherwise suffering. I count my blessings every single morning and night. I’ve found the love of my life and he loves me back. We’re planning our future together and spending as much as our present together as possible. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole life. Assuming that I’m upset because I’m not engaged is frustrating, because I can’t convince anyone otherwise. The more I insist that I’m happy, the more people tilt their head with a sad smile and, while rubbing my shoulder, sighing “oh don’t worry sweetie, the ring is coming.” It’s as if they think the longer it takes to get engaged, the less he loves me, and the more delusional I am. Be kind to the pre-engaged and use this line instead: “I’m so happy to see you like this! You’ve found the person you want to spend your life with. It only gets better from here.”

Post # 4
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Thanks for sharing the link. So true. Especially the don’t posted above.

Post # 5
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

That is a really great link.  I also feel empowered by it.  Thanks for sharing!

Post # 6
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

LOVE THIS!! THANKS 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I read all three articles (Dos and don’ts, pre-engaged indicisiveness & Shame) and the shame one really spoke to me:

What happens after we feel shame? We’re isolated. We feel trapped, powerless, cut off, and alone. We feel this way because each of the cultural expectations we encounter (economic, religious, familial, academic, romantic, professional) cut off another option for us. Shame may not feel like shame—it can present as anger, fear, confusion, judgment, or the need to hide.

We gotta recognize when we are exhibiting these behaviors and shut it down. Remind ourselves that we are just members (& Victims) of The Human Condition.

And my favorite DO:

Do: If you’re engaged, please talk to me about your relationship, proposal, engagement ring, honeymoon, venue, traditions and veil, and let me ask questions without calling me pathetic or obsessed. Let me talk about whether or not to change my name.  Let me ooh and ahh over your engagement ring and gush over your details. Let me ask you questions like “why did you/didn’t you do this/that?” Let me enjoy this blissful state where I can imagine that eloping to Paris is an option for us. Help me figure out what’s important to me before I have to actually make these decisions. Why not? If you want to talk about your wedding, chat away.  I can listen to you talk about wedding details for hours, because I know that your experience will make my life easier down the road. But please, under no circumstances imply that I’m jealous. It’s not a competition.

Post # 8
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I wish there was a way I could force a few people to read that 😛

Post # 9
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I forgot to comment on this! I read it earlier. It’s so amazing I bookmarked it.

Thanks for posting it!

Post # 11
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

it’s nice to find a confirmation of my thoughts, that “waiting” or “pre-engaged” status is NOT a problem. 🙂 thanks for sharing!

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