Post # 1
How many people here ask, and/or actually discuss how each other’s day was when you get home? For those of you that do it, do you feel that it is a crucial part of your relationship and bonding as a couple? For those of you that don’t, do you wish you did? For those of you with children, do you get them involved in a family recap?
For me, it’s one of those little things that is important in a relationship.
What are your thoughts?
Post # 2
To me this is important, my SO and I alway ask each other, admittedly we haven’t been together long, maybe this will slide. I hope not though. It is important to me that we care about each others’ day. My ex used to drive me mad. I would ask about his day. He would vent for a good 45 minutes and would NEVER then ask about my day. Made me feel like my day / feelings didn’t matter as much as his. Even though I don’t tend to moan much about work so normally my response was, yeah it was ok thanks, it is nice to be asked.
Post # 3
I think it kind of depends on personality type. When my husband comes home from work we always talk about his day. For him I feel like it helps with the transition from work to home and he’s always so excited to tell me things or get my reaction or just fill me in on all the details. I think if your partner is like that it’s super important to actively listen and engage. When he comes home I drop what I’m doing, giant hug and kiss, and then “how was your day”. We chat while I finish up dinner and while we eat, and then he’s usually work-talked out.
I don’t know exactly why this is, but I just don’t have that urge to recap. Like I’ll tell him if something notable happened, but I definitely share a lot less than he does. I’m more likely to bring up something I read or learned or future plans or something I’ve been thinking about than talk about work. I think I just get so excited to see him and listen that I just want to enjoy the night, I’m a very in the moment kind of person so maybe that’s part of it. Darling Husband would definitely listen to me if I wanted to talk and talk but I usually don’t.
Post # 4
Yep, it is 100% critical for me. In my previous relationship, I did not have this…I would ask my ex how his day was and he would just shut down any attempt to discuss it. Over time I stopped trying. And he could not have cared less about the minutiae of my daily life.
With Fiance, from day 1 he was always wanting to know about the ins and outs of my day, and was eager to open up to me about his day. Not even anything major, just like “so and so said x ridiculous thing at the meeting today can you even believe this shit??!” also he was always asking my advice on how to handle various situations…again not just major ones like “should I take this new job opportunity?” (although he would def ask me about that too!) but small things like “how should I phrase this email to my coworker?” etc. Just makes me feel so valued!
Asking each other about our days is important to me because: 1) it makes me feel more connected to my partner, like I can actually envision how his day was and who are the main players in his office, etc.; 2) It makes me feel valued by him because it shows he is genuinely interested in my life, and shows he cares about my opinion on things.
#2 sounds kind of pathetic when I type it out, but again I didn’t have that in my past relationship. Having it now is a real eye opener…both as to how dysfunctional my relationsihp with my ex was, and to what I need in a relationship to feel loved.
Post # 5
Yes, every night when we get home we discuss our days while making dinner or we go pick up take out and talk the whole car ride. I look forward to seeing my husband every evening and hearing about his day.
Post # 6
It’s VERY important to me. We have rules about not communicating with each other throughout the work day so we always have more than enough to say as soon as we get home. It’s our little ritual for me to have a glass of wine and sit in the bathroom while he takes a shower and we talk through the curtain (he gets home later than me)
Post # 7
we do it daily, and always have. It’s not necessarily that either of us is interested in the basics of our every day jobs (most days, it was the same as the day before), but it’s the principle. We dedicate 30 minutes or so every day–just by starting the ‘how was your day?’ conversation–first thing when we get home to talking to each other. Before dinner, before dishes or chores or whatever. I think that’s so important and I think making that time a priority has made us stronger as a unit. We also ask every morning, ‘how’d you sleep?’ and again, it’s just a chance in the morning before we get out of bed, before the day starts, for us to connect for a few minutes.
I think it’s important.
Post # 8
we ask every day but the response is different. So sometimes we’ll ask out of habit and neither of us is really interested at that moment so we just say it’s generally fine. When we’ve done this in the past we usually catch ourselves, ask again and actually have a conversation. Sometimes it turns into one or both of us having a rant. Sometimes things just didn’t happen that day at work so it’s a short conversation. I guess we try to take our cue whether it should be a long or short conversation from the other person.
I think it’s important to discuss these things. At the minute I’m unhappy in my job and my husband is waiting for a promotion, not very patiently so there’s the potential for both of us to being happy in our jobs. I think it’s also important to hear about the things your partner is proud and that takes an in depth discussion. However, I also think it’s important to be able to say “that’s enough about work now” and have a conversation about something else.
Post # 9
To me, it’s not crucial, but it’s definitely thoughtful and we both usually do it.
I remember living at home and my mom would always ask. Then I lived with roommates and it took awhile, but I realized that I was missing someone actually giving a cr*p about my day because of course we didn’t really ask each other. So yes, I do think it’s a kind and thoughtful to do.
Post # 10
Same here! I never had the type of communication with my ex-husband that my SO and I have now. We are so open, and he ALWAYS asks how my day is, and listens. Even his DS who is 6 asks when I get home from work. It’s been 15 months, and he still asks me everyday!
I agree that it doesn’t have to be a huge recap, and it sounds like you guys have found a nice balance.
THIS. To a T. You plucked this right out of my head. My ex-husband really shut down towards the end, and it was the straw that broke the camels back. I had started a new hobby, and he didn’t even ask me about that. He put it better than I did and he said that while we didn’t have an abusive relationship, he was neglectful. When he finalized realized just how far he had checked out, he was so ashamed and understood how it contributed to my leaving. Of course we had a lot of beautiful talks before I left, but after 10 years together, it was not an issue that I felt we should STILL have had.
Post # 11
My husband works and I don’t. Every day when he gets home we fill each other in on how our day went. We have a thirteen year old. Sometimes he joins in the conversation, sometimes he couldn’t care less. Either way I fill my dh in in anything that is going on with our child.
Miya a good way for dh and I to stay connected, especially when he’s working a lot of hours on a particular week.
Post # 12
We do it everyday, but I wouldn’t necessarly say that it’s crucial to our relationship, we’re just interested in each other’s day and it’s something to talk about.
Post # 13
I think we’re pretty inconsistent with it. Usually if something of note has happened, that person is going to mention it right away without prodding. If I have a funny work story, I have to share by text or I’ll forget by the time he comes home anyway. Additionally, if I’m on the phone when he comes home, I’ll just wave and he’ll go about his business until I’m off. There are times when 20 minutes after he comes home I say “I never said hi to you, did I?” and go in for my hug. There are also many days he goes up to his computer to unwind and we don’t actually talk until we’re trying to sleep. Ultimately now that I’m thinking about it, it’s not so much the ‘how was your day’ that matters to us, so much as just talking about something or other, usually something of greater interest like debating some political/ethical thing or other.
If we never talked about our day, I’d be bothered. If we never talked at all, likewise. But forcing it out of habit or a feeling that our marriage is bad if we don’t doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m sure I’ll babble a lot about the kid once it arrives as well – that’ll be new and exciting at each milestone – but haven’t had the opportunity to find out yet.
Post # 14
Well we work at the same place so we generally do our venting in the car on the way home lol.
Post # 15
+1 Its something we do every day but it’s also not something I give much thought to. It just seems like a natural part of most relationships. We ask because we are interested and care.