Post # 1
Im curious about how other people’s parents’ marriage were growing up. My parents have always had a shitty marriage (like, to the point where I don’t ever remember them sleeping in the same bed, seeing them kiss, or say I love you—not even once), but my SO’s parents had an amazing marriage up until his father passed.
Now that I’m out of the house (and have been for about 7 years now and I’m the only child), not much has changed with my parents’s relationship. I honestly don’t know why they’re still married, besides codependency. While I’ve never had a bad outlook on marriage and always knew that one day I did want to be married, I never knew how a good marriage should work until meeting my SO and hearing about his parents relationship.
So, how was/is your parents’ marriage? If they weren’t married, how was their relationship? Did it impact your outlook on marriage?
Post # 2
My parents were married but my father died pretty young. He also often wasn’t home due to work things. But what few memories I have are of happy parents.
However, my mother has told me some stories that give me the impression that my parents would eventually have divorced.
My mother never really encouraged me to marry, she thinks it’s rather outdated. This hasn’t influenced me very much lol.
Post # 3
I went with mostly bad because atrocious wasn’t an option. It was like they were trying to win a “shitty but probably not actually abusive” marriage contest. I cannot imagine two less compatible people.
Post # 4
Well, up until 2 years ago I would have told you my parents had a mostly happy marriage, perhaps short on passion, but long on mutual respect, consideration, and friendliness. My dad is driving up this weekend to serve my mom with divorce papers, so what the fuck did I know. I am not handling it well at all. My husband’s parents went through an extremely bitter divorce and go through periods where they hate each other or are almost friendly, depending on what mood my Mother-In-Law is in.
Most of the aunts and uncles on my husband’s side are still married to their first spouses and write nauseating Facebook posts about how much they are still in love after all these years which at this point reading them is torture. My extended family is mostly happily married but most are on their second or third spouse, so have been through divorce before.
Post # 5
My parents have been married for 44 years and are so sweet together. Definitely had some rough patches but they worked through it. My dad still gazes adoringly at my mum and they always hold hands and it’s very cute xo
Post # 6
I’m sorry you’re hurting, bee. Sometimes people in relationships do an excellent job at putting on a show for everyone around them, making it seem like they’ve never been happier in their relationship; however, they’re the only ones who know what is going on behind closed doors.
I imagine it being much harder to continue living out this charade rather than just ending things and being true to yourself…i know this is hard on you, but once the dust settles, know that they’ll both be so much happier. I hope things go smoothly between the two of them.
Post # 7
if we’re having a contest, can I sign my parents up anonymously? Are we playing for money, or…?
Post # 8
LOL – my parents and their twenty-five years of seething hatred will meet your people in the Thunderdome any time, girl!
Only, can we do it mom vs mom and dad vs dad? Because my parents honestly can’t be in a room together. They’ll bum out the whole Thunderdome.
Seriously though, sorry you’ve had to deal with all that too. Even when parents to their best to protect their kids from the worst of it, that tension is killer and it sucks.
Post # 9
My parents marriage was pretty much the exact same as your parents’ and I never knew people actually celebrated anniversaries (just thought it was a movie thing) or knew how a healthy relationship should work until meeting my Fiance. They were married but I also never saw them sleep in the same bed or be affectionate to one another my entire life. My brother and I have both moved out and have been independent for years already and now finally my dad finally moved out to a place of his own. I think they have started talking to lawyers but I truly don’t know becaue they have always hidden things and truthfully I don’t care enough to ask or be dragged in the middle. I figure they are grown ups and are so co-dependent for the most part that they can either figure it out or choose to be unhappy and it’s on them. I’ve long ago stopped trying to figure it out.
I have since learned a lot. I used to freak out every time we had even the tiniest argument about becoming like my parents’ arguing all the time. I used to question whether we should be together and consider breaking up every time too, but I am over that. I do get upset but it is becoming less and less all the time. I too moved out for university about 7 years ago but I didn’t feel completely apart from them until 4 years ago when I didn’t return for summers. I lived two hours away and while I didn’t really notice my Fiance mentioned that every time I visited for about a week after I acted stressed and crazy and then would return to my normal self. My Fiance is so understanding and amazing. I now live quite far from my parents and since moving about 2 months’ ago it has been better.
I am now planning my wedding and things aren’t much better with them. Growing up my dad always told me to never get married because it would be the worst decision I ever made and my mom for the longest time hated my Fiance because she is very controlling and she was finally losing the final threads to control me when I moved in with him. Most of my life I didn’t think I would want to get married but my Fiance one day mentioned that he was thinking of proposing and I was just so excited by the idea of being married to him that I said of course I would say yes when he did. (He knew that I would want to discuss it first).
We’ve been together 8 years now and got engaged last Feb (wedding in Oct). My dad was excited when my Fiance asked for his blessing (we weren’t sure how he would react and he sure as hell wasn’t going to ask his permission). After the initial “excitement” (used loosely) they kept bringing up costs and focusing on money. Meanwhile my FI’s parents are in a very loving relationship and were so so excited when we told them. My Fiance told his mom he was going to buy me a ring months before proposing and since then she started saving money for our wedding. The stark difference in reactions was kind of tough. His mom keeps sending me outfits that she is considering wearing and tells us about her friends’ reactions to our invites and how excited they all are. We are having a destination wedding and his mom booked the trip for his whole family (siblings, nieces’ etc.) and contacted a travel agent to arrange everything before we even sent out the invites.
Meanwhile my mom at first was very against a destination wedding and then critisized every decision we made. She kept saying no one is going to come so don’t worry about spending a lot to plan it. Once it was booked she did say it looked great. She finally sent her rsvp in the last day we asked, was one of the last people to book the trip. She didn’t want to invite her friends because she said they won’t come anyway. She gets jealous when I tell her about my FMIL’s excitement but won’t change her behaviour. Like when I mentioned my FMIL’s outfits my mom asked why would anyone bother looking so early.
My mom did come wedding dress shopping with me and is excited – or at least pretending to be now, which is better for before. My dad is similar. He stopped at least critisizing everything and saying how stupid it was to marry. He hasn’t been involved at all though since and I don’t discuss the wedding with him. I am now just doing my own thing and happy with it.
Sorry the wedding part wasn’t really your question but yeah, my brother growing up had a lot harder time with my parents’ behavious and couldn’t deal with teh constant screaming and mood swings. I mostly just ignored it. He talks about it now like I had some kind of super power because I would just keep eating breakfast while they swore at eachother at the table. I feel like since meeting my Fiance, I finally understand what love is and how two people are meant to be together. I still do overreact to little things sometimes and am quick to jump to the worst case scenario but I am trying to change that. I feel really bad that his parents are so great with me and consider me like their new daughter while mine hated him for the longest time and still mostly just tolerate him. When we have kids I don’t think they will be that close with either my parents and their behaviour towards each other has definitely impacted my relationship with both of them. I have no idea how they will both be at a resort for a week at my wedding. And truly I don’t know that I care.
Anyway sorry I’m just blurting my thoughts and probably not making much sense – I’m supposed to be working on something for work but please feel free to message me. I never heard before of anyone growing up with a similar situation like mine. Would love to chat.
Post # 10
My parents barely had a marriage.
I don’t ever remember them seeming to like each other. Apparently, the marriage went belly up right after they had their first child, my sister. That had absolutely nothing to do with having kids in general or my sister in particular. As my mother once noted, they got along as long as the most serious thing they had to agree on was what to have for dinner.
They are completely incompatible and I think they only got together because they both had their own reasons for desperately wanting somewhere to belong.
I remember them having screaming fights when I was really little. That ended when I was just a little older and they lived completely separate lives from that point on. They divorced as soon as we were all grown.
Post # 11
My parents sucked together lol so happy they got divorced it made my life way better
Post # 12
They separated 3 times during my childhood/adolescence and each time they got back together I thought “what the hell for?!”. It wasn’t an abusive marriage, but they definitely weren’t compatible and although I have a lot of happy childhood memories, I also remember a lot of fights that upset and worried me as a child (especially when it was on holidays or special occasions). Divorce was definitely the right thing for them and now they are both happy with new partners!
Post # 13
My parents are my role models. I swear, if my marriage is half as pure and joyful, I’ll be on top of the world. They’ve been married for 30 years and they still never get sick of each other. It’s beautiful. Amazing.
Wasn’t my dad’s first marriage. He married when he was 19 and it lasted a year and in that time, my half-brother was born. Luckily, that marriage ended amicably, and he has nothing bad to say about his ex-wife. They just weren’t compatible. That helped when he met my mom. He knew that she was perfect because he knew what it took to BE perfect for him.
They’re so good together. Like, I don’t remember a single fight. They went to couples counseling several times not because they had problems, but because they liked baring their souls in a therapeutic way to a complete stranger. My mom said it helped her see my dad’s humanity underneath his status as her husband.
My mom gets annoyed when he uses the credit card for a dumb $1 soda or something, but that’s the extent of their day-to-day “strifes” – it’s sickening how happy they are with each other, truly.
They did have one bad fight I just remembered. My dad was an idiot and went out to plant the tomato plants and randomly literally scattered them around the 3 acres of land they have and my mom was like “WHAT ON EARTH” lol – it’s funny in hindsight but he was so mad and she was so mad. Seriously still don’t understand why he did that.
Because of them, I’ve obtained some great marriage advice, such as communication, it’s seriously okay to go to bed angry, finances, children, sex – the list goes on. I’m completely unafraid to ask them for any advice about anything. I feel totally blessed to have parents like mine.
Post # 14
Wow, I am sorry to hear so many awful stories. My parents were married for 22 years before my father died, and I never remember them raising their voices. They had disagreements, sure, but were always respectful. DH’s parents had a similar marriage (his mum died before we met), and we have a similar marriage. I hope our kids will look back on our partnership and marriage as a good thing.
Post # 15
My parents were sweet together and are still good friends 9 years after getting divorced. My mom has mental illness and it made my dad’s life a living hell, but their pre-crazytimes relationship was good. They would have always had some issues due to their personalities – both are super artistic and honestly need someone practical to take care of them. There are enough happy marriages in my family that I had good models for my marriage. Granted, I spent many years in horrible relationships, but when I got married it was to an awesome guy 🙂 His parents have a wonderful relationship and I’m happy my kids will see that.