How was your parents’ marriage?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: How was your parents’ marriage?

    Mostly good

    Mostly bad

    Somewhat good

    Somewhat bad

    My parents weren’t married and never got along

    My parents weren’t married but were amicable

  • Post # 31
    Member
    1928 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My parents have a pretty good marriage. They just celebrated 38 years of marriage. They had some rocky times when I was super young but they’re actually a better couple now. 

    My inlaws have also been married for 35-36 years. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    4374 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    My parents have been married for 38 years. They are completely toxic to one another and have never gotten along. My mom is awful and verbally abusive and hides it really well. My dad is totally messed up from an incredibly neglectful childhood (including homlessness and abandonment) and latched on to my mom when they were very young.  They are so co-dependent at this point I don’t think they will ever split up, they simply don’t even realize life doesn’t have to be like this. When we were kids we used to pray that they would get divorced. I had a nest built in my closet and would gather up all my brothers and we would hide in there when they really got going. Like the night my mom broke all the dishes in the house throwing them at my dad… My mom hated her kids too. When I was 15 she told me her 2 biggest regrets were marrying my dad and having kids. I moved out when I was 16 and haven’t been back since. My youngest brother OD’ed when he was 15 and when he was recovering in the hospital he overheard her say “I wish he had just died”.  I still keep in touch, but from a distance. 

    When I got divorced my mom told me all about what a horrible human she thinks I am. But then she will call me to bitch about how awful her life is and how awful my dad is and I tell her that she just needs to leave and leave him alone and go be by herself. In a cave somwhere with no contact with the outside world…. 

    D H didn’t have any good examples of marriage either, so we are just kind of making it up as we go… 

    Post # 33
    Member
    2668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    My parents were never married (but they were engaged for like 20 years) and are now separated. They were high school sweethearts and their relationship was genuinely good early on. They had me after being together for about 10 years (engaged for 6) and then my sister 2 years later. We then moved to a small country town and mum became a Stay-At-Home Mom, which was a bit of a financial strain and they did argue about it. Even so, there were still good times and they tried to shield us from their arguing (I knew it happened, my sister didn’t). When I was 12, mum found out she was pregnant and they decided to move back to the city. By the time I was 14, my parents had separated. It wasn’t a great separation, but there were mental health issues (mum) and I don’t think the relationship could have been salvaged. My youngest sister is now 15 so they still deal with each other regularly – they’re civil, but I know there is a lot of tension surrounding mum’s mental health.

    The one thing that both my parents have always been sure to do is never badmouth each other in front of us. As my dad has said, just because they’re no longer in love with each other doesn’t mean that they don’t still care about each other and want the best for each other. We also weren’t allowed to badmouth the other parent and would be pulled up on it if we did.

    Post # 34
    Member
    3299 posts
    Sugar bee

    My parents are currently divorcing. Honestly, I wish they had of done it sooner. Our household was so dysfunctional as I was growing up. I could have really done without hearing them threaten divorce at least once a week for 20 years. Ugh.

    My mum was only 23 when they got married, and I don’t think she knew what she wanted in life. Now she’s a total mess because she still doesn’t have a clue as to what she wants in life, she has always just gone along with whatever my dad wanted to do.  My dad also has the worst communication skills I’ve ever seen… it’s unreal.

    I’m so grateful for the relationship I have with my husband, it is the polar opposite of my parents’ relationship/marriage 😬

    Post # 35
    Member
    4841 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    azf0019 :  My parents are celebrating 50 years this year. My In-laws are celebrating 38.

    Both sets of parents have been married a long time but their relationships are very different. My parents are happily married and love each other dearly. My in-laws are unhappily married and love each other if that makes sense. My in-laws are both very different people from each other so that causes tension in their relationship but I know they do love each other because I’ve seen them kiss and hug when they think nobody is around. When my Mother-In-Law had a heart attack, my Father-In-Law was in tears thinking he was going to lose her. I used to find their relationship dynamic unusual at the beginning because they’d bitch each other out all the time or argue over things but I guess it works for them. My hubby says it’s always been like that….he said they are both stubborn and that’s how it always goes.

    Post # 36
    Member
    9391 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    my parents are a good match.  They aren’t what I’d call lovey-dovey (no PDA, they prefer to sleep in seperate beds–though they both have insomnia so when they sleep together they torture each other basically) but it’s clear they love each other very much, and they did a good job of adjusting to being empty nesters.  They’re very cute and are clearly very much on the same page with everything.  Even if they’re also clearly very different people.  

    DH’s parents are also a very good match in my opinion.  A teensie bit more PDA.

    Post # 37
    Member
    769 posts
    Busy bee

    My parents had a sh*tty marriage. I learned nothing useful from their union. My mom definitely deserved better and my dad, well, he deserved someone else. He fits the profile of someone who would like a submissive wife (which my mom was totally not!) And as a result their incompatibility knew no bounds. Couple that with physical and mental abuse of each other and I ended up finding a guy whom I thought was ‘okay’. I thought that this is just how bad they come and ANYTHING better is good. This the WRONG way to think! So of course my own marriage didn’t last because I decided to settle for ‘less sh*tty’ since my baseline was SUPER SH*TTY.

     

    Post # 38
    Member
    6163 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2017

    View original reply
    happyjuju :  silimar to my parents. Married 40 years, together since they were 14 and they still hold hands and go on dates. I think it helps that they give eachother space to do their own thing, enjoy the same hobbies, and have good communication. My mom also has a killer sense of humor and is a super positive person so that makes people want to be with her, including my dad who can be a sourpuss at times but she’s crazy about him so hey. It works.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1586 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    View original reply
    azf0019 :  my mums marriage was great and was really strong, but the pressure of bringing a child into it was too much for them.

    …Mainly because her husband wasnt the father 😮

    My mum never remarried.

    My dad got married when I was about 10 and they have a wonderful marriage that I look up to.  

    I think being raised in a split parent house instilled in me an importance to find the right kind of guy to marry.  I want kids but it was really hard on my mum to be a single mum, and hard on me by extension.  I really hope Fiance and i raise our future children together. 

     

    Post # 40
    Member
    579 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I voted mostly happy. They’ve been married 36 years and while I remember some bickering from childhood..I now know it’s normal relationship stuff, haha. I also remember them being fun and silly together. I always wanted to get married, and guess I sort of ended up following in their footsteps by getting married after 5 years aged 22. (They were both 23 at marriage and met at 17) Funnily enough we also have the same age gap as my husband’s parents (6/7 years). As far as I know they’re happily married too, a couple of years longer than my parents, so we probably had quite similar backgrounds growing up. Hopefully we’re both as happy in 30 years time!

    Post # 41
    Member
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    Married for 38 years and still going strong. They male a great team. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    3513 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My parents have been married for 39 years this July and from what I can tell they are very happy together. I know they have had their moments over the years but I think they have been able to work through all their issues.

    I don’t think it was my mum’s first marriage but I am not 100% sure. I have seen their marriage certificate but the handwriting is hard to read and it suggests she was married before. Her surname at marriage was also different to her maiden name. They married in a church though which in 1979 would have been hard if she was divorced. She has NEVER spoken to me about it or even hinted that there was a pervious husband so I have left it.

    My dad is super traditional and believes strongly that marriage is for life and he is fiercely protective of all of us (in a good way)

    I hope my husband and I have a marriage like theirs. I think we will as for me it is true that women marry men like their fathers. My husband is so much like my dad. He is very traditional too and is clear marriage is for life.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1586 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    View original reply
    azf0019 :  My parents’ marriage was, and still is, very strong. They are a very good fit for each other. 

    The only issue was that my parents never fought, never argued, never even disagreed with each other in front of us. I grew up thinking that a good relationship meant agreeing with each other 100% of the time and that if you argued, it wasn’t working out. I got scared about the future of my relationship with my husband because we do argue. I spoke to my mum about it once and she laughed and said “of course we argued, just not in front of you kids”.

    Post # 44
    Member
    4950 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    They’ve been married for 29 years now and I have no idea how. Growing up, I don’t think I ever heard them say I love you, they only kissed once per day when my dad went to bed, and they fought all the time. I think it’s gotten better since all their kids have moved out, or else we just see them when they’re happy. I honestly credit their marriage and the example I grew up around with how I ended up in my crappy first marriage to begin with. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    776 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    My parents separated when I was 11 – so their marriage obviously wasn’t great. That being said, they kept it under wraps super well because I have no memories of arguing or anything unpleasant. I suppose I did a lot of things alone with my dad, but I just saw that as having father daughter time. The divorce was very messy and a little traumatizing, which definitely impacted my feelings towards marriage. I know no one gets married thinking that they’ll get a divorce, but I think I tend to be more cautious – especially because I was an only child at the time and went through my parents’ divorce alone. They both went on to be happily remarried, so the story does have a happy ending! And I’ll be married next March… it will be the first time they see eachother in about 15 years so I’m a little nervous!!

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