How was your parents’ marriage?

posted 1 year ago in Family
  • poll: How was your parents’ marriage?
    Mostly good : (76 votes)
    44 %
    Mostly bad : (54 votes)
    31 %
    Somewhat good : (20 votes)
    11 %
    Somewhat bad : (12 votes)
    7 %
    My parents weren’t married and never got along : (7 votes)
    4 %
    My parents weren’t married but were amicable : (5 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    3532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 29th, 2016

    azf0019 :  Nonexistent wasn’t an answer, but the last option applied. I never saw my parents together as a couple, but they got along well enough to work out when my dad could pick me up for play dates with my siblings. My husband and I are celebrating our second anniversary next month and I was just telling him how I feel like I didn’t grow up seeing healthy relationships, and how it made me want to “get it right” and have a strong marriage, which I’m so grateful that we do. I also love that there are a lot of great role models in his family. His parents are celebrating 50 years of marriage next year and many of his aunts and uncles have as well. So I think sometimes it can go both ways… Some people fall victim to reliving the same dysfunctional circumstances that they grew up with (my sister comes to mind, unfortunately) and some of us learn from it and do all that we can to avoid the same issues playing out in our own relationships. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    2019 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My parents have been married for 32 years and have what I would consider a successful marriage. They have had plenty of ups and downs, but seem to be in it for the long haul. I definitely think my dad is more in love with my mom than she is in love with him, but they have a mutual respect and for the most part, get along. There’s a lot to be learned from each of them, so I do take their marriage advice seriously and think that at the end of their lives, people will certainly remember their commitment to each other through thick and thin. Now that all the kids are out of the house, I think they’ve settled into a nice routine and do a scheduled date night every Friday– it’s cute!

     

    My husband’s parents divorced when he was about 2 or 3, so he has no memory of them being together as a family. However; his biological parents and step parents now all get along pretty well and have set examples of good, long lasting marriages. His dad and step mom have been married over 30 years and his mom and step dad have been together around 20 years now. They all seem to be very much in love and supportive of each other– so we definitely have some good examples to draw from

    Post # 48
    Member
    5968 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    azf0019 :  I’m an only child, too, and my parents divorced when I was 4. I thought the same thing, how will I know what a good marriage looks like? It actually took me awhile, but I finally figured it out. Hopefully it doesn’t take everyone this long.

    Post # 49
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    My parents got divorced when I was twelve. I had a happy childhood, but the divorce was rough, as was the several years following because they had so much anger toward each other. They each married someone much better for them, though, and have been a lot happier in those marriages ever since. My mom and stepdad especially have the kind of relationship I see for Darling Husband and myself.

    Post # 50
    Member
    702 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    My parents separated when I was 1 I think? I have no memory of him living with us.

    They hate each other. Honestly I wonder how I was ever born, because they couldn’t be more different. My dad is juvenile to the point of hilarity when around my mom. If he sees her in the grocery store, he bolts in the other direction. When they are together in the same room, it is so awkward. My mom is willing to be cordial, but my dad won’t have it. I am sitting them FAR apart at my reception!

    It’s definitely impacted my relationship with them as, growing up in two households, I was able to compare and contrast them more. I don’t have any respect for my dad left (for other, more severe, reasons as well), but seeing how he handles himself now with her really reflects poorly on him. They’ve been separate now for 25 years and he’s STILL obsessed with bad-talking her. It’s so bizarre.

    I was worried about how to have a successful marriage because honestly, I haven’t had a good example of one growing up. However, my step-sister and her husband have probably been the best model for me. I spent a lot of time with them as a kid and learned what compromise and communication look like. I definitely want to model my marriage after theirs.

    My fiance also has the most in love parents you’ve ever seen, who have been married for 30 years now. Seeing how attentive his dad is to his mom, and watching him be that way with me, assures me that love really can be ever-lasting, as long as the respect is always there.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1190 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I voted mostly good because they love each other, are affectionate, seem happy the majority of the time. So to them it is good. 

    However, they’re also EXTREMELY co dependent, have very few friends and my mom is the most passive aggressive, manipulative person I know. My dad doesn’t seem to notice or care, and I’m not sure why, but it’s not a dynamic that I would ever want in a marriage. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    5126 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    My parents divorced when I was 3, so I don’t personally remember them being married, but my father was verbally abusive according to reports and the last straw was when he started getting physical around my mother (throwing things, punching the wall next to he head). Growing up, I only really saw my father on holidays and now I haven’t seen or heard from him in nearly a decade. 

    My mother remarried shortly after and they’ve been married nearly 25 years. Their marriage was good I think, though they are both people that like to fight and get over it quickly. A couple years back my step brother killed himself and that has put a huge strain on them. They were considering divorce a few months back, but I think they’ve decided to try marriage counseling and things seem a bit better. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    229 posts
    Helper bee

    My parents marriage is awesome   😎 I look up to them 

    Post # 54
    Member
    6060 posts
    Bee Keeper

    not married, and I put never got along mostly cause he wasn’t around. I really respect and love my mom for raising me as a young (22) single mom. She went to school while I was young and now has a really successful career. I think her struggles have definitely made me more independant. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee

    My parents got married because my mom got pregnant with me so from the beginning it was strained, i do know they loved each other but I don’t think they were ‘meant to be’. My mom had anger issues which resulted in her screaming and smashing things. My dad wasn’t very good at communicating and he cheated on my mom with MY best friend.
    They were separated several times throughout my childhood and when he died; if he was still alive they would have divorced. 

    I do think they’re marriage effected my outlook because I still don’t really think getting married is something i want to do. I have this thing about seeing middle aged married couples with kids, where they just look so fucking miserable I want to cry for them. The kids are always screaming and the mom is always trying to quiet them down or all their attention is solely on their kids while the dad is just staring blankly at nothing or down at his phone with no attempt to interact with anyone or help the mom. Honestly that life is my worst nightmare. 

     

    Post # 56
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    I voted somewhat good. They do love each other, but I think it’s mostly out of habit at this point. My mom is an alcoholic (though she won’t admit it) and when she gets drunk (every night) she’s horribly mean to my father, who just puts up with it. He can’t cook or clean or do anything house related, so I think he partially stays with her because it’s easier. They were never affectionate growing up, and I found that impacted my own affection in my own relationships. My ex’s parents were super lovey dovey, so he was always all over me and it made me uncomfortable.

    On the other hand, my FI’s parents had a horrible relationship. His dad cheated on his mom and they split up when he was 3. Then they both got remarried. His mom is still with her second husband, but his dad cheated on his second wife and they split up. He almost married a 3rd woman, but he cheated on HER and they split up, so now he’s living on his own with my FI’s adorable half sister from his dad’s second marriage. The whole thing is a trainwreck and I’m honestly surprised my Fiance is as mentally stable as he is.

    I think he looked at all of his dad’s failed relationships as a what not to do guide, as he is absolutely wonderful to me. Since his family also lacked affection, he isn’t quite as into PDA as my ex was, we’re a good match in that regard. I try hard not to act like either of my parents. I want a love filled relationship, not a practically loveless partnership. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    2412 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Their marriage was pretty bad… practically War of the Roses territory.  Yet they stayed together “For the sake of the children” for 15 years longer than they should have.  15 very long years.  No joke, we were actually begging them to get a divorce.  

    Post # 58
    Member
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Definitely hope my marriage is as great as my parents! They’ve had tough times, but faced them together. They aren’t lovey-dovey, holding hands, cuddly but they are affectionate with one another. 

    What I see in their marriage that I truly hope to have in my own (and work to replicate it in my actions with husband) is their incredible respect, kindness, and support for one another. There is clearly a very deep and stable love at the root of their relationship. 

    I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have grown up seeing what a healthy relationship looks like. They disagree, they both have strong opinions, but they are able to laugh at themselves, see the light side of life, and (most importantly) they approach their differing opinions with the aim of coming out both happy rather than one person “winning”.

    I very much turn to my parents for relationship advice and have found them to be a valuable source of wisdom. 

    Husband grew up in a less stable home and he mentioned that he had no idea what a healthy relationship truly looked like until he met my parents. That made me realize just how fortunate I really am! 

    Post # 59
    Member
    1002 posts
    Bumble bee

    All I know is they were 18 and 19 and got pregnant with me. Had a shot gun wedding. Dad was an alcoholic. Both took a LOT of their anger out on me. But I would say there were a lot of domestic disputes in my house every weekend with cops. Even I got arrested because my dad called cop on mom for abuse… then it got turned around on me… was exhausting!!! Lasted like 17 years I think. More than blessed the day they got divorce finalized. I cried for 20 deconds. Might have been happy tears.

    Anyways… I don’t think it effected me long term as much as it may someone else. I know people who had the best parents in the world that are still married and are emotionally unstable. 

    Post # 60
    Member
    1069 posts
    Bumble bee

    I put Somewhat good. They were married for 40yrs until my father passed away from cancer. Growing up we had a happy family but my mother is a PITA. She nags EVERYONE, it’s horrible. She’s always been that way. She was always hard on my dad. He would get laid off, it was hard to find work at times. My mother never really worked so it was all up to him. He would get depressed and would drink at times (never at home though). She would constantly say she was going to leave him, but never did. They never separated during the 40yrs together. 

    Now my in-laws have been divorced for like 25yrs, married for maybe 15. My Mother-In-Law still hates my Father-In-Law. It’s not like he cheated or didn’t provide for the family or anything. I know he wasn’t the kindest father back then though. 

    My ex-inlaws started dating as teenagers (like 16) and they’re still married 50 some years later. 

     

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