Post # 1
So, as me and Fiance are both virgins and waiting for marriage, I’m pretty scared of the wedding night. I have no idea how that’s going to go down (no pun intended haha) and I just don’t know what to expect. I know what sex is and looks like, of course, but I still feel really clueless.
How was your wedding night? Were you afraid? Had you had sex before, or was it your first time? Any advice on what to expect, how to prepare, etc?
Post # 3
My first time wasn’t at my wedding but it was still awesome! Just loosen up with a couple drinks (but not too many!) It will be really special because it’s you two together, not because anyone has any super cool moves.
Post # 4
I suggest having a discussion with your Fiance, and agreeing that you have the option of NOT doing it that night. There is so much pressure. Or, even, deciding that you are NOT going to do it that night (what’s waiting one more day?!) just so you can enjoy your wedding reception! (For other reasons we didn’t consumate our marriage on our wedding night, but I was also SO GLAD to be able to stay for my entire reception and not feel pressure when we went back to our room.) There’s a good chance, however, that if you decide that you won’t do it, then there won’t be any pressure, and you may just end up doing it! 😛
Post # 5
@misabell: Well our first time wasn’t our wedding night but we were EXHAUSTED the night of our wedding. We both were so tired but decided that we had to do it becuase, well, it’s our wedding night. But it wasn’t the best sex we ever had. We were both so tired.
Maybe you two could do it the morning after? So you’re refreshed?
Post # 6
In our case it was far from our first time together.
My advice is to relax and focus on things that you already know make you/him feel good, and do what comes naturally. Sex should be fun and playful and exciting, not scary. You get to be closer to the person you love than you ever have been before! Sit down and talk about it in advance and promise each other that you’ll take it slow. You don’t have to go “all the way” the first time if you’re too nervous or scared. The important thing is that you both enjoy it and are comfortable. You can explore over the course of a few days if necessary.
In terms of preparation: think about what kind of lighting would make you most comfortable. Do you want the lights off, or would some romantic flickering candles and being able to see him add to the atmosphere?
Beyond that, you might try gradually ramping up the kissing/cuddling/whatever you guys are comfortable with before marriage in the months leading up to the wedding so that you’re more used to the physical side of your relationship in general and eager to take the next step when the day finally arrives.
Post # 7
Try not to put too much pressure on yourselves. If it happens it happens. If it doesn’t, well you got the rest of your lives to get it on right? It’s better if you aren’t all over tired and stressed out.
Post # 8
It was not our first time on our wedding night but we did it as a matter of principle. We were both exausted but it was worth it. I wouldn’t say it was our best performance but definitely a good time.
Post # 9
We’d had plenty of sex before our wedding night, and were so tired we ended up just falling asleep.
Post # 10
Our wedding night was not our first time together. We didn’t have sex that night because we were both too tired and we had to get up really early for our honeymoon flight the next morning.
As far as your circumstance, I would consider waiting one more day ( being tired does not make the greatest sex). If you don’t want to wait ( and I understand why) just try to relax. My first time I was pretty scared. Mostly, I was afraid of how much it would hurt. I would suggest going slow (foreplay anyone?). Overall, it really didn’t hurt that much….and that’s saying something because I am a total baby about pain.
No matter what you choose, it will be perfect because it’s with the one you love.
Post # 11
I was also a virgin on our wedding night. It was FAR from terrible, lol. We’ve definitely improved a lot since then so I wouldn’t say it was absolutely amazing, but it was lovely and fun. Just be kind, thoughtful, and expressive.
Post # 12
Well, as someone else who had their first time on their wedding night, it is awkward, weird, uncomfortable and amazing all at once. What I would suggest is, especially if you were like us and had done NOTHING more than kiss before then, take some time to relax and get used to being together in a totally different way than before. We took a bubble bath and just relaxed for a good while because it was the first time a guy had seen me naked and it is a different sort of thing and it helped a lot to not have the pressure of just starting to go at it right away. Lube is a wonderful thing, something water based like astroglide and nothing fancy that tingles or warms or something. Lots of new things already don’t need that too!
Be comfortable with yourself, your new husband loves you and obviously doesn’t exspect an oscar performance the first time. And, while it doesn’t for everyone, most likely the first few times will hurt some, and just not be comfortable. But promise, it will get better, it just takes getting used to.
Post # 13
There are also things you can do to prepare yourself physically, I think (it’s been a long time since I was researching this!). I don’t remember exactly, but I think you can use oils and even stretch down there with increasingly large objects (tampons to dildos, I guess), so it doesn’t have to be painful. Google it. And I second the comment about lube. Regular lube, nothing fancy, and lots of it.
Also, if you don’t already know, you and your Fiance should talk about what turns each other on. Maybe you don’t know yet exactly what you like, but he might have some specific preferences, and the sex will be more intimate if you’ve shared these private preferences beforehand. Some guys like woman in nice lingerie, some like them to dress as furry animals — there is a very broad spectrum (and same for women’s preferences). It’s all okay so long as you are both comfortable, but these things are good to know in advance! You can use books/questionnaires to get you started chatting if you’re not comfortable bringing it up alone.
My first time was with my husband (but well before our wedding night) and I am still happy that it was him, it is a nice thing to share together. Have fun, and remember to keep talking to each other about what you like. (:
Post # 14
Thanks everyone, that helps. I had a conversation with Fiance about it last night, and apparently he didn’t know that it usually hurts for girls the first few times. That kinda freaked him out, he really doesn’t want to hurt me. We’re really comfortable with each other physically, it’s just me that’s worried about it. A lot of it is just that it’s something totally new and also, I’m self-conscious about my body.
Post # 15
Aunt Flo came along unexpectedly the day before, so no doin’ the naughty that night. We sat in the nude, drank champagne and ate cheese and fruit in bed. It was nice. 🙂
I have to agree with PP’s. Don’t feel like you HAVE to consumate on your wedding night. If you guys are up for it, LOTS of lube, try and relax and just go with what feels right. I’ll be completely honest and say that it’s definitely not going to feel completely awesome for you. It’ll probably hurt. But just find that position that works for you and go with it. It definitely takes time to get into a good groove and then you can start trying out new things!
And just remember to have fun!!
Post # 16
I don’t think it should hurt the first few times, only the *first* time (because your hymen may be broken during the first time, which obviously hurts and causes the blood — tho this does *not* happen to all virgins, it did to me). However after the first time it should not hurt (provided his penis isn’t huge/your vagina small), unless you are torn at all or chaffed, in which case you shouldn’t be having sex until you heal. And, as I said, it doesn’t have to be painful at all if you prepare physically in advance. Also, you should probably be on top, position-wise, to minimize pain on your first time.
I suggest you research this a bit more together!! There are some really great books out there, perhaps look on Amazon or maybe another Bee could recommend? Or go to a book shop together, if you are comfortable doing that, and browse. I read these too long ago to remember titles, but there was one with a green leaf on the cover (I think) which was great to read with my husband. It will really make your marriage better to discuss sex together, you’re on the right track!
Also you are not at all alone in being self conscious, but your Fiance sounds lovely so this will go away as you become more comfortable together naked, especially once you’ve had a few orgasms together!