Post # 31
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
anon1234098: Every word of what julies1949: said.
As for your update, where you paint your brother and his Fiance as the bad guys, judging by your overreaction and misplaced blame here, I would really need to hear their side of the story. The best way to deal? Make a conscious decision of not letting what others do/don’t do affect you this badly.
Post # 32
I only think it was a big deal that he left because you guys made him a groomsman. That was a poor choice. He should have “just been a guest” if he couldn’t stay. I’d be annoyed like you are, but you are overreacting. He was just trying to make everyone happy (you and his friend). You put yourself in this situation. You could have made him choose which wedding to go to. You knew about the other wedding and still made him a groomsman. Your Mom offered you up as help not him. Just say “no”.
Post # 33
I think you are overreacting too, but given your later comments about narcissism, the showy disruptive goodbyes would piss me off, better to slip out.
We experienced something similar at a much less personally important event and we were both inwardly seething.
We threw an evening into early hours party in our garden for recently married friends on the eve of their honeymoon. Children weren’t invited but we weren’t at all bothered when other friends brought their very well-behaved young child. It was an informal party and was going brilliantly, we did prepare one silly thing which was doing “Mr & Mrs” with the couple with pre-prepared questions. There was nothing lewd, it’s not our style, the only possibly risqué question was “If X had not met you and could go on a date with any celebrity, who would it be?” Cue lots of suggestions shouted out by guests and laughter, the mother picked up her not-invited, oblivious son and loudly announced they were going home because it “isn’t child friendly” they then went round kissing everyone and saying goodbye, repeating the reason more than once, leaving the couple and my OH stood open mouthed in front of all the guests mid-game. Rude! It wasn’t about them, it wasn’t a children’s party, it was a boozy party that was all about the newly wed couple.
Much worse at a wedding 🙁
Post # 34
anon1234098: One of the hardest things for me to do was to learn to say NO when I really didn’t want to do something for someone, so if I were you, I’d let them know you won’t be the clean up girl. (so that can’t keep festering too!)
That being said, let the other part go and be forgiving and don’t let them cloud your life another minute. They put themselves first, now you do the same for yourself. (also taking into consideration you will have to compromise in life, they are family)
Post # 35
Definite over-reaction. My sister-in-law pulled something similar at her and my brother’s wedding. I was a bridesmaid in the wedding, which started at 5 p.m. After the wedding and a couple of hours into the reception, I decided to leave because it had been a long day. My parents also decided to leave and “leave it to the younguns.” My other brother remained at the reception and witnessed my sister-in-law stomping and screaming in my brother’s (her husband) face because his family had left “early” and called him every name in the book after he had just spent over $15,000 on their wedding. My brother could have cared less because he knew us leaving wasn’t meant to be a slap in the face. It was hot as balls and we were all tired from all of the stupid wedding festivities we had been forced to endure that weekend. Your brother was trying to pull double duty and I don’t think anything he did was mean spirited or meant to take away from your wedding.
EDIT: I just saw your update, too! Oops! I can see how it would be hurtful since it seems he always has to be the center of attention. But people like that will never change and you just have to accept that’s how they are and expect it to happen.
Post # 36
It sounds like your brother has always been the centre of attention and I can see why you’d be annoyed at being volunteered as cleanup crew for his wedding. Is it possible that part of your anger is at your mother for signing you up for this duty? Has she often put your brother’s needs before yours?
Post # 37
slomotion: +1. Just enjoy the good memories, and stop focusing on that minor issue. It’s not that big of a deal. And if you don’t want to help them, just say so.
Post # 38
I dont think thats bratty at all… I was shocked when as a guest I was expected to help decorate a wedding before just f*cking hire someone or do it yourself – a guest should never have to work, I mean would you expect a house party guest to spend their time being a free maid?
I would plain and simply leave when I want to and not help… you didnt offer or agree to that and if they assumed then they will look like asses because its not their right to offer your time
Post # 39
I think you need to let it go for your own wellbeing, but I think they probably could have handled it better too. They obviously knew they were going to duck out early, so they could have let you know beforehand. They also could have approached you afterwards and asked how the rest of the night went. That’s what I would have done, in their situation.
But, holding onto that is only going to hurt you, bee.
Post # 40
Your brother clearly prioritized your wedding over his best friend’s wedding–choosing to stand up in yours and attend your ceremony and part of your reception. If this was his best friend he likely would have been asked to be a groomsmen in the other wedding and didn’t/couldn’t because of yours. It would have been nice if they had let you know when they were planning to leave, but not rude of them to say goodbye to people considering many of your guests were likely their family and friends as well.
Your MOM was out of line in offering your assistance and you need to tell her and them that you are not available to clean up.
Make a conscious effort to focus on all the wonderful aspects of your wedding.
Post # 41
I am sorry to read cruel comments like “brat” and ridiculous”. Personally, I don’t think you are being too sensitive about it, I could understand from your first post that your relationship with your brother isn’t the one you would like and you are hurt from that. After reading your update that’s even more clear.
Unfortunately some people don’t understand how important and great is having siblings and they don’t appreciate it. Also I totally agree with beebee1983’s advice.