- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
My mom wants to fly out for a vacation this summer. My family doesn’t fly out often, but when they do, I host very nice vacations. I’m a good tour guide.
My mom is need of a vacation; my dad passed away 1 month. To our surprise, she also said she’d like to see us get married. She said this 2 days after my dad has passed away. So this is a big shocker to us! My mom and I have not discussed anything wedding related since November 2011! She said some rude comments to me (which she does not remember – I have to chalk it up to her coping skills) and I avoided all wedding talk with her. Only FI’s parents at this point were the only ones coming. We hadn’t really extended it to anyone else in the immediate family because we really didn’t think anyone else cared to come or it was too much of a burden.
Fiance and I realize that if we want to make it accessible for my mom, we should get married in our town – not one of the other locations we were looking at. She could never get her own car and hotel, etc. If in our town, we can tote her around in our car, she can sleep in our house, etc. It will be easier. I don’t want to ask my ILs to do it; they have never met her yet.
When she asked what our plans were 2 days after my dad has passed, I said we don’t know when we’re going to get married yet, but maybe September I’ll feel ready. However, she wants to come out in August not September. She was clear about this.
Knowing that my mom hates to fly I asked, “Would you fly back in September if you were just here in August? I don’t think I’m ready to put on a wedding by August.”
Her reply, “I don’t know; we’ll have to see how I do.” Flying is really stressful for her.
I kind of thought this. She wants a vacation more. I thought of having her out for a week and then putting our wedding at the end of her trip, but 1) I cannot get ready by August, that’s next month; 2) she might drive me crazy if we’re together a whole week prior to my wedding. The trips have always ended with some irrational thing and she’s crying and hurt and I have no idea what I’ve done.
How would you feel about this all? I’m a little WTF in my head now. I spent nearly 4 weeks trying to sit on the idea of getting married locally and convincing myself that it would still be special enough – listing all the pros about it. We did not even consider having it locally until my mom expressed coming. So now it doesn’t seem like it matters. However, locally does mean easier and cheaper so it still can be an option. Or we could go to Jackson with FI’s parents and it would be a little more “grand” (as in nicer restaurants and lodging).
I realize I’m trying to accommodate people here, but I don’t think there is one magic wedding place that is the final answer, you know? Fiance said any of them are going to be spectacular because 90% of it is us getting married, and the other 10% are in the details.
I have to think WTF in my head because she said she wanted to see the wedding, and she couldn’t hold off one more month to make it to our wedding??? The last time the woman was here was in 2009, so it’s not like one more month is going to matter. I wouldn’t expect her to fly in and leave the next day if she came for the wedding. We can visit some, but I don’t know about hosting a full week vacation on top of a wedding.