Post # 1
Bees – I love my sister-in-law-to-be dearly but she is known for wearing clothing that’s a little risque and I’m comtemplating how best to avert this crisis for our wedding day. To elaborate a bit, she wears clothes that are too tight, often readjusting or pulling down the shirt/dress and always broadcasting her well-endowed cleavage. Since we are getting married in church and she is giving us the amazing gift of singing at our wedding (She has a beautiful voice) I’m concerned her dress selection may be far from the conservative side.
If she were a bridesmaid it would be an easy fix. Should I offer to go dress shopping with her (even though we live on separate coasts), should I pay for a dress like the bridesmaids to feel apart of the group and ensureshe has a flattering dress to wear?
I certainly want to go about this the right way but am unsure how to do this. At a recent formal family function her mom scolded her for dressing inappropriately so it’s not like other aren’t noticing the trend. Any thoughts/suggestions on how I should tactfully go about this are certainly welcome. Perhaps you’ve been in this situation before, how would you handle?
As always, thanks bees.
Post # 3
Offer to pay for the dress. Perhaps stating that you want her to wear the same color as the bridesmaids or a the same style in a contrasting color maybe?? Then it won’t look so obvious that you are trying to cover her up.
Post # 4
Have a glass of wine and realize it’s not your place to worry about what she wears, so you may as well relax.
Post # 6
For my wedding, everyone was responsible for signing off on someone else’s outfit. (I.e., my mom had to approve my sister’s dress, my sister had to approve my wedding dress, my husband had to approve his mother’s dress, and so on…) That way everyone had someone to sign off on and everyone was signed off on. My worry was my Mother-In-Law, but it should have been my sister…
And while I sort of agree that you should just let it go, people still mention to me how inappropriate my sister’s dress was… So. If you want to avoid that scenario, you need to say something.
Post # 7
Thanks for your responses, bees.
@lola2011 that glass of wine sounds nice. haha. I’m relaxed I’m just trying to save her the embarrassment. This last function she had to walk around barefoot because she couldn’t walk in her shoes (it was a military ceremony) and then her chest fell out during picture time. But you’re right, ultimately it’s her decision.
@mtwitter80 that’s a good idea. I think I’ll offer to go shopping with her and interject my thoughts when asked and otherwise just let it be.
@septcabride That’s an interesting way of checks and balances. I hear you that it still stings. I will likely reach out once and if it’s unwelcome then I”ll just let it be.
Post # 8
I think shopping with her is the best idea. Then you can gush over how classy/gorgeous she looks when she tries on appropriate dresses.
Ultimately don’t let it bother you too much – it’s just not one of those things worth getting stressed or into an argument about.
Post # 9
sure, it’s not the op’s place to worry about what her sil will be wearing but she’s being nice. the wedding is in a church! just offer to shop with her… steer her towards the long dresses. if she desperately wants to show off her cleavage, point out a wonderful scarf to cover up her boobs during the ceremony since you will be in a church. then she can remove the scarf for your reception. i think that’s a good compromise.
Post # 10
@peterpotamus: unless her sister in law is unable to make decisions for herself due to some handicap, or perhaps is too young to understand when to dress appropriately the OP runs the risk of being seen as bossy and controlling. Ultimately, as a bride, you can’t dictate what your guests will wear, and if her sister in law likes the way she looks when choosing outfits, then the best course of action is to realize that this is not something that’s likely to change. Even if you bought her a conservative dress she can and probably will find a way to make it suit her personality/make her more comfortable. As she is technically a part of the wedding party the OP could say something along the likes of, “bridesmaid dresses are these styles at J.Crew in this color, please pick something you like”, but if the sis in law wants to shorten that dress there’s not a lot the OP can do. Hence the wine 🙂 Also, OP, remember that what she wears/does is a reflection on her, not on you or your wedding.
Post # 11
@idoitall: You don’t want to start drama by telling a grown woman how to dress. Do yourself a favor and buy her a dress as a “gift.” It will be the best way to solve the problem without being offensive or hurtful.