Post # 1
I’ve had an aunt confront me -in person-and ask “I see you’re registered for xyz at bed bath and beyond, but I can get it at Macy’s with my employee discount for cheaper. What am I supposed to do?”
The question made me feel really uncomfortable. First I said “you don’t need to bring a gift”. But then she brought it up again and I said “go ahead and get it wherever you want! 😊” And then she asked me “but then won’t somebody else buy it?” I realize she could tell me what gift she was talking about, and I could remove it from the registry, but I just didn’t know if it was appropriate. I believe I resorted back to “you don’t need to bring a gift”- I felt awkward.
Have you been asked similar questions? What would you say?
Post # 2
I would reply thank you for getting us a gift and if she would so kindly tell you what it was so you could remove it from your registry so a duplicate isn’t bought.
Post # 3
I think you’re saying the right things. I can’t believe someone would come up to you and talk about how they were trying to save money on your gift. Continue telling her that a gift isn’t required and that if she does choose to buy a gift, she can buy whatever she wants from the registry or not.
Presumably Bed Bath and Beyond has some sort of policy to deal with returns of duplicates? So if someone manages to buy an item without crossing it off on the registry, you can return one of them—in this case the one that was actually purchased at BBB, if there’s any way to tell the difference.
Post # 4
I don’t really know what would be the best way to respond to a guest asking this question, but on the note of registry fulfillment, can’t a guest just tell someone at the store, “Hey I bought item X which is on the registry but didn’t reference OP’s registry when I bought it – can you mark it as fulfilled?” I think I’ve heard of this being done.
But the first thing I thought when I read your post was that your aunt needs to develop some independent problem solving skills. 😄
Post # 5
Actually I had the same thing happen to me. Our NutriBullet was way cheaper at one store than the other because the person had coupons. I just said that if they didn’t want me to receive duplicates, then they are welcome to let me know what they bought. They told me, and I removed it from the registry. I guess it ruined the surprise, but I would’ve known I was getting one anyways since I love checking our registries!
Post # 6
I would thank her kindly for the gift and remove it from the registry so I didn’t get double ups. My besty did this with her gift and I didn’t think anything of it
Post # 7
I would say something like of course you can get it from whatever store you wish. If you wouldn’t mind though I would appreciate it if you could let xyz store know it was purchased so it can be marked as purchased.
Since she’s asking I don’t see the issue with responding that way.
Post # 8
She’s asking a specific question so there’s no need to dodge it. Just say that if she would like you could remove it from the registry. Or get your mum or someone to do it if she wants to keep the surprise. She’s obviously concerned about this so just be practical and straight forward.
Post # 9
I would say thanks and remove it from the registry. Your not a child waiting for Santa. There’s no need for a surprise. Surely you wouldn’t want guests spending more than they need to?
Post # 10
Yes just ask her to tell yiu what it is so you can remove it from your own list.
Post # 11
Yes, you can definitely contact Bed, Bath, and Beyond to say this! Target and Amazon registries also have online options to mark that you purchased the item elsewhere, although I can’t remember if BBB has the same option.
Post # 12
My grandmother gets a discount at a department store chain (my grandfather used to work there), so she bought my mixer there instead of at BBB – she was able to just call BBB and ask them to mark it as purchased on my registry.
Post # 13
gotta love family questions, which almost NEVER fit into etiquette. You’re answering appropriately; just direct people that if they find it somewhere else that’s fine. We had a similar situation as my mom and all her friends (basically my crazy adopted aunts) get a department store discount through her work, so if they found our registered BBB items at their discounted price, they’d get them.
If you’re getting any of it as shower gifts, most people will put the receipt in there so you’ll know where they bought it. If it was somewhere besides the original place you registered, just call the original registry and update it.
Post # 14
I am a believer that if you are going to follow these (somewhat ridiculous) etiquette rules, follow-through with what they are intended for: guest comfort. If it’s against etiquette to talk about a registry, but then a guest is asking you specific questions to benefit both themselves and you, you should probably just answer the question. They’re going to get you a gift. No amount of saying “oh but it’s not necessary” is going to change their mind, especially when you made a registry, the universal sign of “buy me stuff.”
Post # 15
I did this for a baby shower once – much cheaper on Amazon. I just called the store and told them I’d purchased it and they removed it from the registry for me. I don’t really believe in beating around the bush when you have an answer. Next time I’d go with “how kind of you, go ahead and just call BBB and tell them it’s been purchased. Thanks!”