(Closed) How would you compromise on child spacing?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think a few extra years would make him an old father.  Besides, you will probably be doing most of the caring for them, so you should get more say in the spacing.

Post # 5
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I’m pretty sure most doctors reocmmend you wait at least 12-18 months post delivery to get pregnant with your next child for the healthiest pregnancy.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/family-planning/MY01691

*Maybe you’ll get lucky and get twins the next time and be done.  Statistically, the more children you have the more likely you are to have twins so it’s possible.

Post # 6
Member
2615 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

What if you push his age limit to 45?  That’s still not that old!  Besides, are you comfortable being pregnant for the next few years STRAIGHT?!  How will that affect your weight & “selfish” things like that? Having kids before he’s 40 is also somewhat “selfish” :/.  That’s tough though & I really hope it all works well for you & your family :]

Post # 7
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I agree it’s selfish especially considering it’s not his body carrying all of those closely spaced pregnancies.  Plus, it must be difficult enjoying your infant when you’re pregnant with your next child.  I was so tired when I was pregnant I couldn’t imagine raising an infant too but I guess an infant is much easier than a toddler running all over the place.  Tongue Out

Post # 8
Member
46408 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would have two and he could have two! Wink

Seriously, I would let it go for the moment. Make sure you use birth control after this pregnancy, so you don’t have another unplanned pregnancy.

You may both change your mind about four children once you have two.

 

Post # 9
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Maybe he’ll slow his roll after #2 comes 🙂

I’m 27 and Darling Husband is 35 and he’s all freaked out about being an old dad, too.  Dirty Delete is coming up on 2 1/2 and we’re TTC #2.  He wanted LOs closer together, but I wasn’t ready for anther infant yet…plus, you want your babies to have time to be “the baby”, right?  You should talk to him about your recovery time — when you go from 2 to 3, you’ll be outnumbered and no matter how much you try to balance it’ll be exhausting.

And I’m pretty sure this has been largely dismissed, but it makes sense to me:

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2011/jan/9/close-birth-spacing-linked-to-autism/?page=all

Post # 11
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I used to fall asleep on the floor in the living room after just sitting down for a moment to pet the dog!  I would wake up hours later drooling on the carpet but still ready for bed and more sleep.

Post # 13
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee

I would tell him you want to take a couple year break before the next two (if by that time you want two more). My grandma had baby 1, then 11 months later baby 2, then there was 4 year break and she miscarried at some point, then babies 3 and 4 thirteen months apart. My aunts are 50 and 49, my mom is 45 and my uncle is 44. They ended up treating my two aunts like twins almost and my mom and uncle like twins. It worked out well for them, but did mean around 6 years of babies/pregnancy before they were done. I think doing it much quicker could be risky.

Post # 14
Member
7739 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Quietserenity:  “isn’t that essentially just saying “your opinion is less important than mine here?””

The problem is, his request is arbitrary and unreasonable (40 is just a number), but there are sound medical reasons for not putting your body through the strain of 4 kids in 4 years. To put it bluntly, this is one of the times when you are right and he is wrong. I think you need to argue/reason with him that being a father at (say) 43 isn’t too different from 40.

Post # 15
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m 30 and Darling Husband is 36, our first is due in a few months. We want 3 or 4 but know that, especially as I get older, it will be hard on my body to have them too close together. He’s never brought up being against having kids past 40, but reading your post made me realize that he almost certainly will be past 40 for at least one of our kids.

I think this could be somewhere your OB or midwife, or even your GP (especially if you both see the same one) could be of some help to you. Have you discussed the issue of what your body needs to recover between pregnancies with any of them? If so, and they agree that it could be extra hard and/or even a little dangerous to do it so fast, having your Darling Husband come in for an appointment to discuss the medical indications of pregnancies might be a really good idea and take the pressure off of it being your “opinion” about spacing.

Just a note on twins (I’ve had the same thought given how many we want!) is that they are way harder on your body than a single baby. So, it could be even more important to have space between pregnancies for your body to recover.

FWIW, we have friends where the mom is 42 and the dad is 51 and they’re having their third in a few days. Their kiddos average 3 years apart. With life spans getting so long, and if your Darling Husband stays healthy, I think statistically he can look forward to many happy and involved years with kids even if they’re born when he’s past 40 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Im 23 and SO is 28, we have a  16m old and were planning on TTC after her 2nd bday next July. So they’ll be around 3yrs seperate. i dont want kids after 25, my pregnancy i had preeclampsia and high blood pressure.

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