(Closed) How would you cope?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Just be happy for them, smile through the pain

Post # 4
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry about your diagnosis.  I have the same problems as you and will probably have a tough time getting pregnant.

I don’t think that getting engaged will one up his brother.  A baby lasts forever and a wedding is only one day after all.  How long do you think your engagement will be?  I think as long as you don’t have the wedding right at the time when the baby would be due, there shouldn’t be any problems.

If people ask you about your future plans with babies, tell them that you don’t want to discuss it and that it’s rude for them to ask.  I know Mrs. Bee had a post about this somewhere, I will see if I can find it.

Post # 6
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It seems like you have a magnificent SO and you talked about your concerns.. I think what you are doing so far is OK , when you see them I think you will be happy for them and it will be a lot easier than you are predicting

Post # 6
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

DBL post

Post # 7
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

((Hugs))I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this.

I know how difficult and painful endometriosis can be.My best friend has it as well. She has had multiple surgeries to remove scar tissue and many cysts. We have spent nights in the er when her blood filled cysts burst. She has had her eggs harvested and frozen twice. Her doctors told have told her since she was 16 to have a hysterectomy.

Then after all of this 3 years ago I get a hysterical crying phone call from her. She was pregnant. Out of the blue. While taking birth control! We call her son the miracle baby.

There is hope for you as well. It may take some time to get pregnant but it is not impossible! 

Post # 8
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

First of all, you have a month to get used to the idea before the next family gathering.

It must be very hard to hear that kind of news, even though you are happy for them, when you know you may have a hard time conceiving yourself. Not impossible but maybe hard.

I would  only encourage you to focus on your happiness for them and not let your possible future difficulties suck the joy out of their announcement.

Post # 9
6 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

@teenybird: Hi TeenyB – don’t give up hope.  My sister was also diagnosed with endometriosis and told she probably would not be able to have children, yet here she is years later with two girls and a boy, and her last one she had when she was 39 years old!  She did not have to undergo any fertility treatments either; she never really planned any of them.  Hopefully, when you are ready to plan your family, you will not have any undue problems conceiving.

So keep that chin up and revel in the fact that you are going to be an aunt (it’s incredibly fun to be an aunt, I can tell you)!  Celebrate the news at the family gathering and then, after they have all oohed and ahhd about the upcoming  baby, that will be the time (if you are comfortable) to share your news about your engagement.  It will just add another wonderful moment for everyone to enjoy.

Take care!


Post # 11
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

If it helps, a friend of mine has the same thing and was able to conceive twice, rather easily considering.  Hope is not lost.

Post # 12
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My heart goes out for you.  My SIL and sister have been diagnosed with it.  My sister has one child.  My SIL is not ready to start trying yet (isn’t sure if she wants to).  I am aware I might have issues conceiving myself.

I’d say it depends on how pushy people are and how polite you wish to be.  For example, my SIL got tired of comments asking when she’d have a baby and finally said, “How do you even know I can have kids?”  Needless to say, that shut someone up permanently, but I don’t advise that tactic on sweet Grandma.  I’d grin and bear when you see them, and try to be excited about the baby.  Some point later, consider sharing your health history story with your SIL/MIL so they understand why it’s a difficult subject for you. 

@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: A baby lasts forever and a wedding is only one day after all.

True, a wedding is only one day – but a marriage is forever!  Both babies and marriages are important in their own special and unique ways.

Post # 13
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I had the same problem 13 years ago.  I wanted so badly to be truly happy for my bother and SIL when they told us she was expecting. But the pain was almost unbearable.  My ex-husband and I had been trying to have a baby, even to the point of having several IUI’s, and it felt like a bunch in the gut when they made their announcement. 

I know this probably won’t help, but you have to remain positive. I truly believe in the power of positive thinking. You do NOT know that you can’t have children, and there is no reason at this point to assume that you can’t. Endometriosis does not always mean infertility. Keep reminding yourself that you aren’t ready to have children at this point, and try not to borrow trouble you don’t even know will happen. 

The only thing you can do is hold onto hope. Smile, and be happy for them, and have faith that your time for children is in the future. 

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