(Closed) How would you feel?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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alittlefox :  Given your update details, I think she was being a jerk.  When someone needs to travel for a wedding, it’s expensive.  It’s not like she didn’t know that going in and it doesn’t sound like she’s being asked to take on any extrordinary expenses.  Heck, a dress, flight, and hotel are par for the course for a guest, must less a Maid/Matron of Honor.

In other situatoins I could imgine a text like this being the start of a helpful conversation.  But I don’t know what she really expects from you.  Was she thinking you’d pay for her travel?

Post # 18
18 posts
  • Wedding: August 2018

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alittlefox :  Going by your update I would say that the comment was definetly unwarrented. I agree with @TxIslandGirl, take it with a grain of salt and don’t let it turn into a drama fest.

However if she keeps making passive agressive comments like that, and it’s upsetting you, I would ask her politely to stop.

Post # 20
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

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alittlefox :  No, you are right, I didn’t say it to the couple! I bit my tongue for so long, that it must have had teeth marks. 

Expenses I didn’t anticipate did crop up. So I can’t say I knew how much money I would be putting out right from the first. Once all the planning was over, it was great. Starting the day of the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding day itself, it was great.

Post # 22
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

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Horseradish :  Well, except that if she’s a good friend of 10 years then hotel and flight to the wedding would already be a given right? The only thing that changes about being Maid/Matron of Honor is a dress and perhaps an extra hotel night if she’s coming earlier. Assuming your wedding is on a Saturday, flying in earlier could also mean cheaper flight tickets. 

Post # 23
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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alittlefox :  no kidding right lol 

Post # 24
6549 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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akshali2000 :  Sorry, but the length of time you’ve known someone doesn’t make it enjoyable  to take a thousand or so of your dollars and spend them on someone else. It hurts less but it still hurts. 

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alittlefox :  No one truly knows another person’s financial situation.  Saying “she should be able to afford it because I could afford it” is just making assumptions based on your own situation, not hers. If you’d gladly help if she had a lower income, perhaps you should just gladly help anyway. It’s your wedding and these expenses wouldn’t exist without you– which is not to say that you should be on the hook for every dollar each guest spends, but a little thicker skin when people comment about the money they’re spending would probably go a long way.

Post # 25
7804 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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Horseradish :  Agreed, a flight hotel and dess are still very expensive. Instead of thinking of petty comments youd like to tell her, why not offer a compasionate ear and check in with how shes doing? 

Post # 27
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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alittlefox :  I agree that it shouldn’t be on the bride to cover flights/hotels, etc…but regardless, no one really *wants* to spend all that money on a wedding. You mention that you have a similar income but okay, this is your wedding, not her’s, so I’m not sure what the point of that comment was. The whole point is that no, you shouldn’t be offended by her comment but it seems like you are and also being petty about her assuming the Maid/Matron of Honor title-she didn’t make that decision herself, she obviously stepped in that role (which was wrong of her) but you didn’t shut it down. It’s your wedding so you should have been straight up with her about it instead of being so passive aggressive and NOW wanting to be petty & angry about the Maid/Matron of Honor thing.

Post # 29
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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alittlefox :  I’d brush the comment off.  Fact: she IS spending a lot of money on YOUR wedding.  While I would do the same for my best friend, I still probably wouldn’t be happy about it.  I don’t know a person around that is thrilled to spend money on things that aren’t really of their choosing.

It doesn’t matter that she’s been irresponsible with money in the past.  Weddings are not tit for tat and it sounds a bit like you’re playing the one upmahship game.  You also can’t be upset if she assumed she was going to be Maid/Matron of Honor and you didn’t say anything.

Maybe she shouldn’t have said the comment to your face but obviously none of us were there to detect her tone.  Sounds like the was joking and serious, but I have the kind of relationship with my friends where we can say those kind of things to each other without hurting feelings.

I’d let it go.

Post # 30
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’d take it as a joke and let it go. If she says anything else, I would check in with her and see if something’s foing on and if not, let her know to cut it out.

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