(Closed) How would you feel?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5557 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

ladyvk :  i would go with your lack of feeling for now. Feelings can be so damn complex. You’re worried about the fact that you don’t have any feelings at all (I can relate to this on every level, my anxiety has my prepare for any and all feelings that I could possibly have down the line, and yes, I ALSO worry that I’m not feeling enough 😆)

I really don’t know how I would feel. You are feeling annoyed that this was dumped in your lap to possibly start something which is totally understandable. And your lack of feelings could really be due to the fact that you’ve moved on and done so much healing

So, try not to analyze your feelings about it, or in this case, your lack of feelings and just deal with them IF they arise

Post # 3
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

Hmm wait so his now-fiancee reached out to you to ask if her new engagement ring was, in fact, the promise ring your ex gave you years ago? Do I have that right? Or was the person reaching out an unrelated third party that’s just crazy nosy and remembers things to an insane degree?

I’d just feel weirded out they reached out to me about it. But other than that, I’d probably feel somewhat similar to you. I’d feel bad for her, definitely. But, as you know, there’s nothing for you to do in this situation (expect use it as a reminder of the awesome path you went down instead). 

How weird he kept it after all these years.

Post # 4
Member
9665 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would feel nothing about it. I’d just delete the message and not even bother responding.

Post # 6
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

ladyvk :  I think if I were in your shoes I’d feel bad for the wife for a minute, think even less of the ex than I already did, and move on. You say you feel nothing, which I don’t really believe since you’re posting here, but if you do really feel nothing that’s fine, I don’t see why you’re questioning if you should feel a certain way about this?

Post # 8
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

If you think you’re heartless for not caring then I must be the devil incarnate. I wouldn’t care. At  all. I feel bad for the new wife. I wonder if she knows. 

You have a family now, I would leave the past in the past and not even sweat it. Thankfully he isn’t your problem anymore!

Post # 9
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

Ah, gotcha–my bad. Ugh, what a lil creep. Great call to make your insta private!!

Post # 10
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

if anything, i feel bad with for his wife that she got a recycled ring from your broken relationship.  the fact that you don’t feel anything means that you have moved on– which is good!

Post # 11
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

ladyvk :  I would feel like the person who sent the message is immature and small minded. Then I would forget about it and enjoy my life.

Post # 12
Member
9811 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Why would you expect to care?  I wouldn’t care other than probably feeling a little bad for the wife.  But I wouldn’t respond to the message, I’d delete it and forget it.

Post # 13
Member
579 posts
Busy bee

Couldn’t have said it better myself. mel2 :  

Post # 14
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

You could be dissociating a little, which is normal when something brings up a less than pleasant memory. I’d give yourself permission to feel numb, but be aware that doing so sometimes triggers a release of the emotions underneath. If that happens, just remember that it is a good thing, it means the issue is resolving. Be kind to yourself—whatever you’re feeling is okay.

Part of the confusion you’re feeling might come from an inability to know what to feel in this situation, anger at your ex for recycling the ring, anger at the third party who decided to pass this along (not a caring move, imho), grief at this reminder of how the relationship ended, or apathy because of how separate from your ex you have become. Give it time, and don’t try to force yourself to justify your feelings or reject them if they don’t fit into a certain mold. They will untangle in time 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

You must care on some level as you went to the trouble of posting about it.  I would have thought to myself. Too bad for her getting a used ring.  Let yourself off the hook.  His actions are no longer any of your concern. 

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