How would you feel?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

She invited your parents over your FI? I think regardless of if she invited your parents or not, it is very rude to not invite your Fiance. 

Your sister not being invited I don’t find rude. 

Post # 3
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I would be beyond annoyed that she didn’t invite your Fiance. She should. As for your sister, is the sister close to the bride? Is sis over 21? 

If it is a smaller wedding I can see the sister not being invited if she isnt a friend of the bride herself. But your Fiance should be invited in any case.

Post # 5
Member
4481 posts
Honey bee

Significant others should always be invited.  You don’t break up a social unit and it’s disrepectful to invite people to celebrate your love and commitment, but then not acknowledge their own by excluding SO’s.  So in that respect, she is being extremely rude. 

Your sister is a bit trickier.  If she’s a minor and other minor children in the family were invited and she was excluded, that would be rude, but if she was the only minor child, then that wouldn’t technically be splitting up a family because the adults all get their own invite and there is no obligation to include minor children.  If she’s 18+, then she should also be getting her own invite (as opposed to being appended to your parents) and that also is not splitting up the family if she doesn’t get one.  So, from an etiquette standpoint, your friend hasn’t technically done anything wrong on this one – merely living in the same household (if you’re all 18+) does not mean everyone in the household gets invited.  I get that it sucks because you thought you were ALL close and it’s awkward to be the only person in the house to not get an invite.

Personally, the SO thing is a dealbreaker for me.   

Post # 6
Member
6097 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

If you’re the Maid/Matron of Honor, I would think she could at least have a conversation with you to explain things. I’m not opposed to people shifting rules of etiquette under certain circumstances but in close relationships, there can be a conversation to explain the thinking.

To be clear- I do think she should have invited your Fiance, not necessarily your sister.

Post # 8
Member
11457 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

If your Fiance were only a long-term boyfriend, it would be perfectly fine — from an etiquette perspective — if he were not invited. However, because the two of you are an engaged couple, you are now a social unit, and your Fiance should have been invited.

I think it is lovely that your friend has issued an invitation to your parents. It’s unfortunate that she could not also accommodate your sister. However, it is not a breach of etiquette for your friend not to have invited her.

Post # 9
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

leyash91 :  Double check with her. Maybe she forgot somehow or she assumed that they would come and for some reason didn’t think an invite would be needed. Maybe she did send an invite and they didn’t arrive. For whatever strange reason: a mistake or misunderstanding… It’s not worth getting upset about until you can confirm if it is a mistake, if there is some reasonable explanation or if it was a genuine snub. Just text her and be like: ‘hey are x and y invited to the wedding?’.

Post # 11
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Not inviting your Fiance is rude. She is under no obligation to invite your sister.

Post # 12
Member
47204 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s been said. Not inviting your Fiance is just rude.

It is not wrong to invite your parents and not your sister.

Post # 13
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

leyash91 :  Okay. Unacceptable. I would completely not judge you if dropped out as Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 15
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

I think you should have another conversation with her where you straight up tell her that not inviting your fi is rude and unnaceptable. 120 people is not a small wedding. It’s not too much to ask that she makes room for her MOH’s fi. Maybe she thought it wouldn’t be a big deal and “tell them I love them but i can’t invite them” would get her off the hook. But it sounds like it is a big deal to you and you should speak up.

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