Post # 1
I’m going undercover for this one, but I’m kinda freaking out here. If it’s in the wrong forum please feel free to move it.
My Fiance was married before. They were together from the time they were very young (17/18) until their early 30’s. They’ve been divorced for about 4 years now and we’ve been together for 2 years and are planning to get married and start TTC next year. During their marriage his ex-wife never wanted children.
After their divorce his ex-wife started a relationship with a woman. They’ve stayed on pretty good terms for the most part. Now she’s decided that she wants a child and wants my Fiance to be the sperm donor!
Personally, I think that she’s completely out of line even asking this and I’m a little perturbed at Fiance for asking my opinion on this. I think it should have been a straight-up NO without any debate. I told him that I think it’s a bad idea if for no other reason then she could conceivably come back in a few years and ask for child support.
Post # 3
Um, I would NOT be ok with that. At all. If she wanted to have his babies she had plenty of years with him to do so. I’d tell her to go find another sperm donor.
Post # 4
Oh my GOD!
In my opinion, our children will be the only childre created by his sperm and my eggs. I know that sounds silly but it is emotional. As a woman, she should understand that. If she argues that it is just DNA, tell her there are a trillion other sperm donors out there that would be happy to give some DNA but their relationship is over and she needs to get out of your life.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Hold your guns. Its not even about the child support issue (which is a concern) but you and your FH are starting a family together. She must really respect him to ask him (and you) to do this. But this is simply not right especially if you don’t feel right about it.
Post # 5
I’d ask why he was even considering this (after yelling NO WAY IN H*LL)
Post # 6
Is your Darling Husband considering this?!?
Post # 8
She had her chance. Move on, lady.
Post # 9
Personally I would not be okay with this. I would feel like it was time for them to move on with their separate lives. I would want my SO to father my children and my children only. I know that sounds selfish but I tend to be jealous. I would want to create a solid line between his old marriage and his new one with me.
Post # 10
@ShaunaBrege: You know, I’ve kind of been questioning whether or not her motives are coming from the fact that she found out that we are planning on starting a family. I know that she respects him (doesn’t know me), but there have been several instances in the past where she’s pulled things that just don’t allow me to trust her. Like failing to register the car in her name, and then when she wrecked it she gave the other driver FI’s name and phone number. We were threatened with a lawsuit in a state he’d never been to. Luckily, no one filed a police report so the other driver couldn’t pursue the suit.
He told her no (on the phone while I was in the room), and also apologized profusely for even bringing it up to me. I just still can’t believe the nerve of this woman.
Post # 11
@Incognito5335: It seems as if she always wants a connection. Time to cut the ties.
Post # 12
Um… NO! I would definitely not be ok with this!
Post # 13
I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels this is crazy. I honestly don’t know what’s going on in her head, because the very last thing in the world that I would want to do is be tied to my ex-husband in this kind of way. I feel kinda bad for her because I know that there are some health issues that might make conceiving difficult for her. Maybe she thinks that this way would be cheaper than having to pay for a donor every time. Maybe she wants that connection. I don’t know. I’m very curious as to what her girlfriend has to say about all this.