(Closed) How would you feel about this? Please Read!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Um, well…you essentially DO make up your mind about these things. 

To some extent, yes your emotions might swing from one place to another, but I think you’ll save yourself some drama by just bam, making a decision: are you going to accept your mom’s proposal or not? Neither option is necessarily hte right one and neither one is going to be without difficulty (either you’ll wonder about it being “your day” or you’ll feel guilty about not sharing), so to me, it’s easiest just to say, “I’m making this decision and I’m choosing to feel secure in it. 

FWIW, if it were me, I would be happy to see my mom happy and I’d let her do her commitment ceremony–with a few conditions: things like probably not on the same day (or maybe a day ahead), and not in the same location. But I’ve seen lovely occasions in which parents have made sort of commitment statements that were integrated into the ceremony or receptions (like as a separate toast)–really, how much love is too much? 

 

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i know you only get a day but i would be a bit bummed to be honest and would be thinking shes had years to do something like this so why now

but if its what she wants to do, you cant physically stop her so if she insisted i would most probably have to suck it up and smile

Post # 5
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Honestly, I would be a bit upset about this if I were you because it is supposed to be your special day.  I understand that it is your mom and you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but it sounds like you’ve set up a beautiful vacation for your wedding, and it’s you and your Fiance who should be getting the attention.   

Post # 6
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If I were in your situation and considering the hardship your Mum is in. I would think well ‘I love my Mum with everything’. So I wouldn’t mind at all as long as it was a few days apart from our day of course. Communication is key here so no one’s feelings are hurt.

Post # 8
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@paigers91:  Sounds like you have answered your own question. If it doesn’t feel right to you than I would sit down and talk to her about it. I’m sure she will totally understand. I don’t think she’ll think your being selfish at all, if anything she will be pleased you have said something and were honest with her. I’m sure you’ll come to a conclusion that your both happy with. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have to say that my mom is in a similar situation (she is divorced but not married, but in a committed relationship) and it would bother me if she tried to use my wedding to have a committment ceremony. I am not sure how I would handle the situation though. What I do know is that if you decide that you don’t want her to do it, then that does NOT mean that you don’t love her as much as you are supposed to or whatever. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you would want to share in your wedding day. I love my mom very very much and want her to be just as happy as I am, but sharing my wedding day wouldn’t really be ok with me.

Post # 11
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@paigers91:  I argee wiith the no friend to be invited too, that’s very fair and reasonable. Oh, see comments like that would kind of hurt me too, your wedding should be the main focus of the trip I mean it’s the biggest day of your life. I’m sure she’s excited for your wedding, she’s just excited about her boyfriend as well and the chance to go on a holiday.

Post # 12
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@paigers91:  I would definitely be a little upset about this in all honesty Undecided I think you should talk to your mom and let her know just how you feel about it and about the trip. Maybe suggest that you help her put together something really special for her when you get back to your hometown. I would also probably tell her how you feel about her seeming like she’s more happy about having a trip to Gatlinburg with her SO rather than being excited to see you get married. Maybe by bringing up your feelings to her it can help put things into your perspective and that way you won’t get walked on by her accidentally.

Post # 15
Member
7383 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

As a side note, I wonder about your mom not having the money to divorce.  Has she looked into what it would cost to be done with it?  Especially if your dad does not contest it?  When I got divorced, it only cost about $100 to file it.  I realize this varies by state, but I can’t imagine going to all the trouble to have a fake wedding and then get married later.  And yes, she should wait and should let you have YOUR day.

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