(Closed) How would you feel about this "proposal?"

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 31
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

You were blind sided by the engagement, so your statement about a honeymoon being enough could be due to that. But now you’ve had time to reflect and realize that you want that special moment and a ring (any ring). That’s fair, so just let him know that rather than letting it build up or feel resentful. Good luck with everything!

Post # 32
Member
3036 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

Just say “Hey i was thinking about it and i guess I would really feel more ‘engaged’ and excited if i had a ring. It doesn’t have to be anything super expensive *show him something you like as an example* but I’d really appreciate if i could have an engagement ring. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  amberback.
Post # 33
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think you should just talk to him. Don’t emphasize the ring aspect but just tell him that there are some aspects of the traditional engagement route that you would have liked to experience – him planning some type of romantic event and then offering you a ring, etc. Then talk about the fact that this should be a happy, exciting time but he doesn’t even want to tell his family. It sounds like he still has a lot of baggage and trauma from his divorce and if I were you, i wouldn’t marry him until he agreed to start working on that. Your marriage should be a fresh start, not having to live in the shadow of his first failed union. Furthermore, before you two go any further, you need to sit down and really talk about engagement and marriage and what that means to you. It sounds like he sprung this on you and you were blindsided and said yes but you are clearly not on the same page about things right now and that’s not okay. Please talk to him and get both perspectives and feelings on the table. Both of your opinions matter and should have weight.

Post # 34
Member
849 posts
Busy bee

I think you have every right to feel the way you do. I didn’t need a public proposal with a jumbotron, but I did need the proposal- down on one knee- I also needed the ring- I wanted him to put effort into something- and have thought go into buying me something I would love. My Fiance and joke that the ring isn’t a gift- it’s the contract- it’s sealing the deal.

I think you need to talk to him- why the big rush? just to have this vacation be your honeymoon- can’t you push the vacation back so there is time to actually have an engagment and plan, even a small wedding?

Post # 35
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

You had a discussion about marriage. So why not discuss getting a ring if it’s important to you as a symbol? A ring doesn’t have to be anywhere near as expensive as a vacation. My Fiance (now DH) and I proceeded this way. We really didn’t have a proposal. Marriage just felt like such a natural next step that it popped up in conversation on its own.

Also, I couldn’t bear the thought of putting thousands into a ring when I was much more concerned with saving for a house, but we did want to have a ring as a symbol, so Fiance and I budgeted together for the e-ring. We ended up picking out something that was inexpensive but exactly my style.

Post # 36
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No one can tell you that you don’t have the right to feel a certain way. You feel how you feel and that’s that. So talk to him and be completely honest, then listen to what he has to say. Chances are that you can compromise in some way. But I do have to say that the fact that neither of you has gone public with your engagement is a bit troubling.

Post # 37
Member
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your proposal is very low key but still nice. Grand gestures don’t necessarily equate love. He sounds like a very practical guy.

As for the ring, I don’t see why you can’t have both a honeymoon and an engagement ring if you keep them both reasonable.

Post # 38
Member
6443 posts
Bee Keeper

Anonnycgirl321:  I think you need to have a talk to him about the ring.  My husband proposed to me 4 in the morning while the ring was still in the jewelry drawer, we had just finished a movie, our daughter was sleeping and we had expected her to wake up any minute so we never went to sleep.  We were in our PJs, sleep deprived and just exhausted, but that proposal meant more to me than anything he’s ever said and all he said was “I love you so much, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life, you’re the one that I want to be with for the rest of my life. Pinkcorsage, will you marry me? ”  I never even said yes, I was crying and blubbering and whatever the heck else I was doing.  But that was perfect for me.

You need to talk to him about what is important to you he may not be able to afford a ring and the vacation, and since at the time you said a vacation would be nice, he felt that was the appopriate move to save up for a vacation and hasn’t saved up anything for a ring.  I agree with the other pp’s, once you’ve had the discussion about the ring, see if you can just buy a temp ring for now and when he’s saved up money, buy your forever ring.

Post # 39
Member
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Lots of great advice has already been given. I think you need to do a bit of introspection to get to the root of why you feel the way that you feel, and what you really want now. Do you want a piece of jewelry, or do you want some way to publicly announce your engaged status to strangers? Do you want other people to see your relationship status differently, and thus you want to be able to tell friends and family, celebrate with them, and be on the receiving end of that perception change?  Do you feel like yourr engagement isn’t valid because you don’t have a ring, or because he never officially asked “the question”, or because you guys haven’t told people yet? Does that make you feel insecure? Less valued? Basically, your issue isn’t a ring or the way he asked. Your issue is your expectations of what a proposal is “supposed to be” and how you think engagement is “supposed to feel”. Your reality isn’t matching your expectations. Drill down to that level, get the personal clarity you need, and then have a calm and rational discussion with your fiance about ways that the two of you can address your feelings as a team.

Post # 40
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee

How I would feel, is loved and cherished by a man who loved and cherished me.

In my day, this was known as “being swept off one’s feet”.

Not much “sweeping” is done anymore, except after the bride overthinks every teeny tiny detail until the juice is so sucked out of the process that the groom’s presence in the whole affair is sort of an afterthought.

In light of his previous marriage, the romance of this whirlwind event is really sort of dazzling, so if you’re more interested in jewelry, it’s only fair to him that you let him know sooner than later.

It sounds as though HE thought that you’d prefer to spend a fabulous getaway with him in a romantic, faraway land rather than procure a tninket to show the girls at work. Just to be fair, set him straight ASAP.

 

Post # 41
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Anonnycgirl321:  yeah…i’d be having another conversation involving a ring and a less expensive “honeymoon”. yes vacations are memories that last forever, but a ring is a symbol of forever with your spouse, even if it is a simple gold band.

Post # 42
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

I’d take this opportunity to buy myself the ring I’ve always wanted. He’s done nothing wrong. You said vacation and he stood by his commitment. 

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