I just wanted to throw out this question to see how others feel. SO bought a promise ring as a “placeholder” and this is the ring he had planned to propose with. He wanted to pick out the e-ring together after the proposal. He accidentally let his plan slip months ago and I’m really on the fence about this.
On one hand, it seems very junior high to have a promise ring engagement. It would be nice to get engaged with the actual ring.. it’s just how I always pictured a proposal. I picture getting engaged, and having a ring to show off right away. I just think there’s something special about being proposed to with the “forever” ring rather than a temporary one.
On the other hand, he has already bought the promise ring. I don’t want to hurt his feelings since he had come up with this plan himself and I wasn’t even supposed to know about it. I keep telling myself, the ring itself doesn’t really matter and I’m being shallow wanting the real ring at the proposal. It would be more important to get engaged than wait for the perfect ring.
If this is all he can afford for now, I wouldn’t be bothered by it. Maybe stop thinking of it as a “promise ring” and think of it as your engagement ring, which you can upgrade later on when finances allow? After all, there are no hard and fast rules for what an engagement ring has to look like. If he’s proposing marriage to you with this ring, then it’s an engagement ring.
If this isn’t a financial issue, then I can see your point and would speak up now. Many couples go ring shopping together before the engagement – do you think he’d be open to something like that? If not, maybe you could pick out a few rings that you like and send him pictures so he has some idea of what to go with?
I dont think it matters if he plans to pick out the ring together with you after the proposal…that changes the whole story for me. Nothing wrong with that and he probably wants to make sure you actually like the ring.
It is a cute idea and you can always use it as a right hand ring later on. There are so many posts of bees who do it like their engagement ring and don’t know how to bring it up. You get to chose a ring together and avoid it.
Really, you are making an issue out of a non issue
justadream : I think every couple and situation is different, and what is right or ok for one couple doesn’t mean it has to be right and ok for another couple. I think it’s crappy when people say “if you care more about a ring than you should be engaged”…sorry, but it’s not always so black and white.
Generally I’m of the camp that you should be happy with what you get provided it’s within budget.
FWIW, I’d have been pretty upset – and here’s why : DH and I had been together over 10 years when we got engaged and married. We got together young, and while I was certainly ready to get married much earlier we put it on the back burner for DH to climb the ladder in his career and feel settled/accomplished. Sure we could have done that together as a married couple but he’s traditional in the sense that he needed to feel financially secure. He has a very unique job that requires a lot of change and travel, and so like a lot of families there were some sacrifices made for him to be able to do his job. It was the right decision for US and I wouldn’t change it. That being said….he had over 10 years to save. In that time frame we had the chance to buy a house (which we did) and do a few other things. Had he come at me with a promise ring I’d have been pretty irritated considering how much of my life I sacrified for him and his job.
I really don’t get all this proposal stuff. It just seems like torture. You both talk about it yes? And you both want to marry each other? And you agree on when? Well then he can just ask you if you like and….you’re engaged. My DH wanted to have THE ring in his possession to propose but it was just us and him on bended knee. But it doesn’t matter. I knew it was coming and we talk about big life changing stuff like this. I had friends who got engaged with a gummy ring (cute photos!) and then went out that weekend a bought her a diamond together. Perfect! To answer your question more directly, I’m somewhat sentimental and would like the ring he proposed with to be my forever ring, but if he’d sponatiously felt the urge to go on bended knee with a sweet wrapper it wouldn’t matter. Maybe your guy is thinking he’s being smart buy getting buying your forever ring together so you get exactly the ring you’d like. Asking a guy to pick out what you want ‘blind’ is a pretty big ask if you haven’t talked about it.
I don’t get when women call other women superficial for wanting to like her engagement ring (like any other present) or think that if you dont like your engagement ring which you would be wearing for the rest of your life, you’re not mature enough.
If it was all he could afford, or it was a placeholder till we went shopping for the engagement ring Id love it. If youd rather get engaged with the engagement ring just tell him but it probably takes the fun out of it for him to shop with you beforehand. If you want him to surprise you, also just tell him, but dont come here whining you dont like what he picked!