How would you feel if he proposed with a promise ring?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How would you feel if he proposed with a promise ring?
    I'd just be happy he proposed! : (207 votes)
    70 %
    I'd be a little disappointed : (53 votes)
    18 %
    I'd be upset/angry : (34 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    6789 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    My problem with this is the wording. Promise ring? Sounds like we’re in high school. I didn’t care what ring, if any, my husband used to propose. If he’s using a ring and proposing marriage: that’s an engagement ring. It doesn’t mean you can’t upgrade late. But calling it a promise ring is just…weird to me. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee

    First off, it’s not a promise ring if he proposes to you with it. A promise ring is a promise of commitment prior to engagement.

    It’s a stand-in ring until you get an upgrade. What’s wrong with that? Nothing, to me.

    Post # 33
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    justadream :  Just be happy he proposed.  My Fiance bought a ring for me in my style that was cheaper (I knew about it though) the idea was to propose with the ring he could afford at the time and be engaged, and I will get my bridal set closer to the wedding date. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    783 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    justadream :  My Fiance actually proposed with the promise ring he had given me years before, because he wanted us to pick out my ring together. 

    I so appreciate the fact that he did this, since it gave me an opportunity to have my own say in the ring I am wearing for the rest of my life, and I thought it was a nice selfless gesture of him. He could have picked any ring for all I know, but he felt it was important I was part of the decision as well since I would be the one wearing it.
    This also meant that we got a MUCH better deal and quality, since I started learning about diamonds, which I know he probably wouldn’t have bothered to do on his own. 

    I really don’t understand how the fact that he wants to marry you AND let you pick your own ring, is somehow a disappointing/bad thing? I honestly feel like I’m missing something…?! 

    Post # 35
    Member
    13579 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If it’s a proposal, that’s your engagement ring, not a promise ring.  If that’s what he can afford, then that’s the ring.  Accept this proposal to marry him, not based on the ring he gives you.

    Post # 36
    Member
    223 posts
    Helper bee

    I could totally see where you are coming from as far as being disappointed about the sentimental factor of receiving your forever ring. However, I think it sounds like your guy is really doing this from the bottom of his heart and he has the best intentions of going out and buying your engagement ring together 🙂 I think that would be enough for me to feel happy about a promise ring vs. an engagement ring, he clearly has his heart in the right place and wants to make you happy even if it’s not the way you would prefer it!

    Post # 37
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    My fiance proposed without a ring – the proposal itself is just the question: do you want to marry this person? He told me immediately that he wanted us to pick out a ring together because he didn’t want to get something I wouldn’t like. Would it have been nice to have the ring at the proposal, sure, but it didn’t bother me that he didn’t. After 3 years at 30 years old, I was just happy he popped the question!

    I wore a CZ ring that I already had on that finger for the couple weeks before my actual ring came in (just so I would feel like it was real wink). I got to choose my dream ring! And it was fun to go to stores together and try on different ones. Try to think of it that way. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee

    He wants to marry you.  Does a ring matter that much?  Are you that shallow?  If you are, you’re not ready for marriage.

    Post # 39
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m going to go against the grain here. I would be disapointed. Not because I want a big expensive ring but because I want it to feel like a proper engagement. Even if it was a $100 ring it wouldnt matter as long as it was *the* ring. I’m a traditional though and I would rather wait until it was done properly.

    Post # 40
    Member
    306 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    Let me tell you, if I let my SO pick out the ring it would be not my style at all and horrible. In fact, even the promise ring he got me was bad. I’ve grown to love it… from my besdie because that will not being going on my finger LOL. Really happy I got to pick out my own. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    2343 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Sounds great to me, you get the moment a ring is placed on your finger but you get input into the forever ring. My first husband propsed without a ring and it didn’t even occur to me to be bothered. 

    I’d prefer a proposal without a ring or with a placeholder to a proposal with a ring he spent money and time on that I really didn’t like. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    2925 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    My feelings on this have changed over the years.

    I was engaged previously.  My ex proposed with one of his grandmother’s rings, not her ering, but just a ring she occasionally wore.  He was upset that I wanted my *own* ring as this ring really didn’t hold any sentimental value for either of us.  At the time I was really adamant about it, and he was hurt.  Looking back I probably could have handled the situation better; he at first said this was my ering because it’s the one he proposed with.  I basically said I wouldn’t wear it because it didn’t mean anything. (Well, he took it from me anyway so I couldn’t wear it).  Long story short, he eventually (like soon after) did get me my own ring (exactly what I wanted I might add).  However, it kind of started our engagement on the wrong foot and I don’t think we ever really recovered.

    So this time around, I told my then boyfriend I wanted input on my ring.  He is very traditional and wanted to propose with *the* ring.  He was/is in a financial position where he could afford a more expensive ring than if we were say, in college.  I didn’t think I would care, but I actually like the fact that he proposed with my “forever” ring.  He would be OK with me changing the setting but he would like me to keep the original diamond.

    However, it’s not wrong to be proposed to with a placeholder (I don’t like the term promise ring even though that’s what a lot of jewelers call them).  If my Fiance had a limited budget though, I would not want him to spend the money on a placeholder.  I would much rather he propose without a ring then we pick it out together.

    A friend of mine was proposed to with a placeholder (a birthstone ring that was probably a couple of hundred bucks) and then they picked out a ring together.  She wears the first ring on her right hand and she’s fine with it.

    Post # 43
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee

    Someone already mentioned this and I agree that personally I’d rather he saved the money he spent on a promise ring and put it towards an engagement ring instead. I’m not a big fan of promise rings. I really don’t see the point. Save what you can and buy an engagement ring that’s within your budget and skip the promise ring thing. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    9728 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Wouldn’t bother me at all. Getting married is the important part not the size/price of the ring.

    I would like to add that my e-ring actually came from a section marked “promise rings” in the store.

    Post # 45
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I don’t really understand the concept of a promise ring. Either we are engaged, or we’re not ready to be engaged yet. I don’t care if he proposes with a paper clip twisted into a circle! It’s the meaning behind it that counts. I’m just longing for the day that he’s ready to take that step. (He moves slower than I). 

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