How would you feel if he proposed with a promise ring?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How would you feel if he proposed with a promise ring?
    I'd just be happy he proposed! : (207 votes)
    70 %
    I'd be a little disappointed : (53 votes)
    18 %
    I'd be upset/angry : (34 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 61
    1424 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    crackerjax :  That’s not what I said. I said you can be an engaged adult without a diamond engagement ring. 

    Post # 62
    5161 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I did not vote because none applied. While I would not care about the ring, and would care about the engagement itself (and be happy about it), it would not be like a “I am just happy he finally proposed” thing either as for me engagement is a mutual decision and I have never considered myself “waiting” for an engagement.

    Honestly, with anyone I intended to marry I would have expected to have already talked about how we both felt about rings and such and would have been on the same page. 

    So to me this whole “he wants to propose with a promise ring” and you “want something different” to point it is causing angst months after he let it slip is perplexing as you two should be talking to each other and coming to something that works for both of you. This is more a basic communication issue, not a “ring issue”.

    My husband and I got engaged without a ring. The idea was to a pick one out after. Only, once we went to look a couple times, I decided to opt out of a ring altogether.

    I only decided to get a ring sometime after we were married and I have since had a few but to me they are still only symbols to represent a commitment – they aren’t a necessity or the actual commitment (it also took me a few years to get a diamond so I guess I have been faking adulting most of my “adult” life). To me, the ring was not at all important to the promises we made to each other to marry. It made the engagement no less special or meaningful, and it certainly did not hinder us actually getting married. Engagement, and marriage, is not about “showing off” some jewelery, no matter how small or big.

    Post # 63
    33 posts

    Tbh, at THIS point, ~I’d~ welcome a Cracker Jack ring, just so long as I got a proposal!…As for any other ring, I personally wouldn’t want to ring shop together, but I WOULD show him what I like and trust him to get something I adore; he’s bought be jewelry plenty of times before and has never gotten me anything I don’t adore, so I’m sure the ering would be no different.

    Post # 64
    6 posts
    • Wedding: September 2017

    justadream :  Just wanted to chime in here, since this is the situation that happened to me – except that I didn’t know about his plan.  He proposed under a waterfall and therefore bought a ring with much less monetary value in case the waterfall accepted it, but it turned out to have gained much more sentimental value to me!  

    Similarly, he did want my input in the ring that would be worth so much and that I intend to wear everywhere and that was also part of the reason, but I have been wearing my proposal ring for the last six months happily.  It’s a promise ring, but it is also a diamond ring and will always be the special ring that he proposed with.  Even after I receive Big Shiny, I will still wear the ring he proposed with on my right hand.  I feel lucky I get two!

    Post # 66
    729 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I have heard of people proposing with a stand in so that they can go shortly after to pick out a ring, and in theory that is a sweet idea, but that wouldn’t be for me either. If he is doing this because he wants to propose soon and couldn’t afford a different ring, that’s different, but I am with you on this plan, I would so much rather him pick out something on his own or ask me for ideas and go from there, since the first few weeks of an engagement is the time that everyone asks to see the ring, and you will probably take photos and such when he proposes, so it is nice to have the forever ring for those moments just for sentimental reasons alone!

    Everyone on here keeps saying ‘it’s not a promise ring if he is proposing with it,’ which would be true if this were the actual forever ring that he was intending to be your engagement ring but really it’s a ‘promise to replace this with a ring we pick out together ring.’ I am sure people buy rings that are marketed as promise rings as their engagement rings all the time, there are a lot of lovely diamond ones even, BUT the bottom line is he is proposing to you with a ring that he doesn’t intend for you to wear forever, only until you guys go pick something out together for your ‘forever ring,’ and that isn’t what you envisioned. 

    Moral of the story, I totally understand your views on this!

    Post # 67
    467 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    A coworker of mine bought three different engagement rings for his now-ex-wife.  Each time, she sent it back, insisting the ring was wrong, but not giving any feedback, just thinking he should be able to sense her soul yearnings for the perfect ring or whatever.  I’m not saying your partner has any reason to suspect you’re half as nuts as she was, but keep in mind that buying an expensive piece of jewelry for a woman you love who will be expected to wear it every day for the rest of her life is kind of terrifying.  If he got you this ring and said at the time that he wanted you both to pick out the e-ring together, it sounds to me like he just wants to make sure you get a ring that you’ll be happy with and doesn’t want to risk getting you something you don’t like.  Cut him some slack!  It had to be a nervewracking decision to make!

    Post # 68
    519 posts
    Busy bee

    Do you get to plan a wedding/elopement/go to the court house now? Or wait until the next ring? If I couldn’t get the marriage ball rolling I’d be sad, but if you can still do everything to prepare for getting married then CONGRATS!

    Post # 69
    28 posts

    I would think it was sweet if he was holding out to save for an engagement ring/wedding. Just a ring in the mean to show he wants us to take that step would make me happy.

    Post # 70
    36 posts
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Ironwoods Beach, Maui

    Maybe if he doesn’t hang on to the ring too long before proposing with it, it can be returned to the place he bought it for an “upgrade” that you pick out together.  If he let this slip, then he should know you know.  Perhaps a gentle nudge to tell him not to sit on it too long so you can return it to get the ring you want.  But even if the return window is closed, the ring can always be a special RHR, used as another PP said for a family ring or something you can save to pass on to your second daughter, etc.

    Post # 71
    2826 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think it’s very sweet!! that way you can wear a ring right away, and I think ring shopping will be more fun once you’re already engaged. i feel like it almost takes the magic out of it shopping for it first. 

    I’m a bad example though because my fi proposed with a family ring that didn’t fit (and can’t be resized) and I have yet to choose an engagement ring and we’re 4 months into being engaged and just 5 months out from the wedding haha. I’ve never been overly fussed about the ring part of it though. 

    Post # 72
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I think his term promise ring was used incorrectly.  If he is proposing then he is proposing.  He isn’t fake proposing because it isn’t “the” ring.  

    And frankly, the size/style of the ring should have no bearing on whether or not you accept his proposal.  

    Post # 73
    3333 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    If he proposes with it then it’s an engagement ring.

    Post # 74
    125 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m engaged and i have no ring. We are currently shopping for my ring together. He wanted to make sure I love it since I will be wearing it all the time. A ring is very personal, what is perfect for one person is the worst ring for another. A lot of bridesmaid hate their ring and are asking if they should tell him and how. You are avoiding that pitfall.

    Post # 75
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    justadream :  I’d be thrilled…as long as I understood it was a stand-in ring and not given as a promise ring (which it sounds like you know). I ended up changing my ring (long story, but it was a placeholder ring) and had no issue with what ring it was (just that it wasn’t the right size and I couldn’t wear it). It’s good because if you’re at all unsure about sizing, you know you have a ring to wear when the time comes to get another one resize.

    In the end, let it happen the way he envisions it. Who knows…maybe his plan was even a decoy!

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