- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
What’s more important, him or a piece of metal?
What’s more important, him or a piece of metal?
Lik a few others I simply do not understand the idea of a ‘promise’ ring (unless maybe you are a kid and saying we will get married when we are grown up ) I don’t really understand ‘upgrades’ either . To me my engagement ring is the one we got when we decided to get married it wasn’t much , all he could afford at the time . No way have I ever “upgraded’ , ie replaced, it for a more expensive one , that’d be like ‘upgrading ‘to a pedigree when my rescue babies got old !
ETA I just realised this thread is 5 months old sorry ! I sincerely hope that this is happily resolved now OP, and he is still not messing around with that ‘promise/engagement/ placeholder ring that he has not been giving you for one reason or another for 10 months …
Yes, quite an old post, but it is soo relatable to me! I knew when my Fiance was going to propose and I knew he didn’t have enough money for an engagement ring. We both had claddagh style promise bands, so to be the responsible adult I thought I was being, I told him not to buy me an e-ring. It worked out, because he asked while we were swimming in a waterfall, so a diamond or something would have been terribly risky, but not long afterwards he got a good job and the lure of sparkle crept up. I did ask for a more traditional e-ring that actually expressed that we were engaged, versus my very obvious promise ring, and Fiance was quite upset for a while that I robbed him of picking out the right one in the first place. I don’t want to sound shallow, but I much prefer my e-ring, however, my promise will always be incredibly special to me because it was the actual one used at the moment. You may find that when/if/if he did by now use your promise, that it really is the perfect engagement ring for you!
(Writing even though this thread is a bit old in case it’s helpful)- my Fiance proposed w a family heirloom ring bc he wanted to propose sooner and start planning our wedding and lives even though the stone and custom settings for the ring he wanted to buy me wouldn’t be ready for a few more months. I consider both of the rings my engagement rings (I just have 2) and neither is a promise ring. He didn’t give me either as a promise to propose later- he gave them as he proposed.
Like the others of pointed out, I know this is an old post you, but I hope it’s ok to reply still! I actually want my partner to propose with a non-engagement ring! I am very much into saving money for important things, and for me personally, a ring isn’t high up there on the list. I’d still love a ring to show our engagement, but I don’t want a lot of money spent on it. I actually talked to him the other day about the general cost of engagement rings, but how I prefer him to just buy a nice ring with simple gem that doesn’t break the bank. Assuming the ring isn’t made of materials that will wear away fast, then I’d be fine with it.
GROWNUPS who love each other don’t need anything but a wedding license and each other.
elderbee : Pets are living and breathing beings and members of the family, and it’s not right to compare them to an inanimate object, even a piece of jewelry that may mean the most to you.
A more apt analogy would be that upgrading a ring is like upgrading on a house. A house is an object that has sentimental and emotional attachment and represents the idea of home and family, and this matters more for some and less for others.
Additionally, it’s important to realize that in the ring situation both viewpoints are valid, even if you don’t agree with one, versus what you are setting up with the pet analogy, which is that only your view is the right one because what you are implying is clearly inhumane.
milena : “A more apt analogy would be that upgrading a ring is like upgrading on a house. A house is an object that has sentimental and emotional attachment and represents the idea of home and family, and this matters more for some and less for others.”
Ummm except that a house has functional utility. Living in a bigger house means having more space for furniture and life. Having a bigger ring means that you literally have a larger rock.
bluepanda : My main point was that it’s ridiculous to compare an inanimate object to a living, breathing member of the family. There’s no perfect analogy. Additionally, not everyone moves to a larger house. Some people move to a different neighborhood or a house that has a layout that fits them better.
Perhaps a car analogy would be better. Moving on from a car that is just fine to a more expensive car because you like it better–both will do the same thing, but some people prefer to spend more money on a more expensive car, whereas others couldn’t care less.
People who are into these things derive pleasure from them, so they are getting psychological benefits out of them.
Kind of depends on how old you are and how much you value getting married sooner rather than later. While of course I would prefer a “real” ring isntead of a promise ring, I wouldn’t want to postpone getting engaged (and married) simply because of a small thing like that. Often times it’s hard to even get your partner and you on the same page in terms of when to get engaged or married that I’d be happy with any proposal at this point if it could be sooner rather than later.
I don’t understand how it would be a ‘promise’ ring in this situation. Is it not a real engagement ring if it’s not a diamond? If someone doesn’t have a ring does that mean they aren’t engaged?
I find this mentally very immature.